Happy New Year 2007!!

by snorkeldaddy on Flickr

Another year winding down, another about to kick off - how does time fly by so bloody fast?! This year has absolutely flown by, full of many amazing moments and moments of pondering and learning, too. Time to do some yearly reflections - thinking about what I've accomplished this year and who I've become, about who I want to become before our next new year's eve. 2007 is already fully booked with family visits and a trip to England in December - it's a bit daunting really! Maybe we'll get married or pregnant in there as well. All in the works so watch this space!
Swirly Girl suggested choosing a theme for the year . 2006 was my year of Creativity - I definitely opened my mind up to a new way of thinking and am loving that my creative side is awake again. I can't wait to see what I come up with this year. I can't decide what theme I'd like for 2007 - I'm thinking of it being My Body, being more loving and accepting of it while also taking much better care of it, getting it ready for babies - but for some reason that feels like a selfish theme. Or another way to beat myself up or get negative - but I guess that would be what I was working on, right? What's your theme for 2007 going to be?

A few of my favorite things from this past year have been:

Getting Engaged!!!

R getting his work permit

Little Miss Sunshine

Pride and Prejudice (I discovered it this year)

An Inconvenient Truth

Nacho Libre ("Nachooooooo!")

The Birth House, Ami McKay

books by Isabella Dusi

My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult

Casino Royale

Discovering Grey's Anatomy and Friday Night Lights

snowshoeing

going up to the mountains

summer in Vancouver

working on Granville Island

our time with R's parents

seeing my family's faces on the webcam (first time in a year and a half!!)

my new bike!

painting

rediscovering knitting

laughs with our Argentinian friends

I could go on and on, but dinner is calling. R is making homemade lamb korma and it smells divine. I got him a curry cookbook for Christmas, so he's trying it out. Even using a pestle and mortar! Yummy!!!

I hope 2007 brings us R's Permanent Residency, new levels in our own relationship (wedding and baby planning), more fun and experiences at my wonderful job, and lots of time with our family and friends. Happiness and health and laughter galore. And the same for all of you!!

Happy Christmas!!

Happy Holidays everyone!! We hope you are having a wonderful day with your family and friends. We're off for a walk in the sun while it's here, then back to talk on the webcam with our families all afternoon!! Chili and Lime Roast Chicken's on the menu with roast veggies and fresh pineapple for dessert. My mouth is watering already.
I'm missing my family, but being able to see them on the computer is helping a whole lot. I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday where ever you are!!
We have the fireplace station on the tv, so it feels all cozy in here!! love it!

Happy Birthday...

To my Love. How lucky am I that he was born today!! I don't know where I'd be without him. My support, my shoulder, my entertainment, my sound board, my creative counterpart, my Mr. Fixit, my warm fuzzy, my travelling companion, my partner in crime, my Richard.

We're off out for dinner and to pick up some Christmas/Birthday packages at the post office!! This is/was the same day as my Grandmother's (Gan Gan we called her) birthday, so it's nice to know I will always think of her.

Many happy returns!!

Loving the box again

I am giddy over TV. This hasn't happened for years, but there are actually a couple shows on right now that I cannot wait to watch each week! Tonight, it's Friday Night Lights - I LOVE this show. I feel like a teenager again when I watch it, but it is so much better than the old BH 90210 type shows I watched then. It is a show that I think is well done, in the acting, the story lines, the way its shot - it's original and totally addictive! If you haven't seen it yet, it's on NBC and is about a small town highschool football team. The whole town is completely obsessed with football and the lives of their team. We get to see what happens with the coach and his family and with certain team members. The first episode, the star quarterback ended up paralyzed, I almost gave up there, but it has completely reeled me in. I even get excited when I remember its on while I'm sitting at work! What is going on!!?

I am also enjoying Heroes, another NBC newbie. It too was one I wouldn't have bothered with, but once I did, totally hooked. Of course there's Grey's Anatomy as well, something I got into over the summer and still am a big fan. I totally zone out when these shows are on, Rich can be talking to me and I honestly don't hear him. I'm so becoming my mother! We even got a bigger tv just so we can enjoy it more - I can even see properly now with my glasses on!

I am not a reality tv fan, never have been, so I'm very happy to see new shows popping up that are brilliant to watch. That are interesting, that help me detach from my own reality, but that also make me think.

I've heard that Ugly Betty, Men in Trees, and Sisters and Brothers are good shows as well, so I may have to check them out too. CSI is always a goodie, but we're not staying up that late these days. I think because its the winter, I love cuddling up on the couch after a busy day, being entertained, and ignoring the rain, dark, and cold that's going on outside.

What do you like to watch? Or what's your favorite distraction from winter?

Fun in the Snow!!

Winter has always been something I wish I could avoid-I don't like the cold or the ice or driving very far in wintery weather, I even lived in the southern hemisphere for a few years just to avoid it! But this year we decided we were going to embrace it. And we even decided this before we got our unusual snow storm last week!! We wanted to go up into the mountains more often, to escape the rain and bleakness down here, go cross country skiing and snowshoeing, and take advantage of the fact that we live within 30 minutes of 3 different ski fields. After talking about it for weeks, we finally made it on Saturday!! We hopped on the shuttle bus to Cypress Mountain. They have a Nordic centre and a downhill/snowboard centre. We got all kitted out in our cross country skis and headed out. We were surrounded by beautiful blue skies, bright sunshine, trees trembling under the weight of all the snow (250cms!!), and we could actually see back down to the city once the clouds finally lifted. It was magic. I had cross country skied when I was younger, but it was Rich's first go at it and he loved it! We laughed so much, he was crying at one point he was laughing so hard. It wasn't too hard, but was definitely a great workout and we cannot wait to go back up again! Snowshoeing will be the next adventure. I had no idea how much they had evolved - I had the old fashioned wooden ones in my head, but now they are quite fancy. I even have a few friends at work who already snowshoe, so this could even turn out to be a way to make more friends! Imagine that, winter in a positive light, I can't believe it!!

Let it snow!

Sitting inside, the smell of our roast dinner filling the apartment, and it's snowing outside. It's absolutely beautiful!! I'm not a big fan of winter in general, but it's great here because I know it's not going to last! We can enjoy it for how peaceful and pretty it is, and know it will be raining in no time. I love Vancouver!!

Had my Christmas party last night at the Tiki Room - it was brilliant! I work with some fantastic and very interesting people. We had to leave to go to a wedding reception for friends who had gotten married in Jamaica last week, so we were social butterflies for a change. It was great to see so many people, but so weird in those environments because you really never get a chance to talk to anyone or make plans to see one another again. So bizarre.

We got a webcam a couple weeks ago, so all our friends are getting to see us all over the world - they all want to buy one now! I love technology! It might actually make it feel like we aren't so far away sometimes. I know at this time of year, I'm wishing my family was closer or that flights were much cheaper. They should have special family rates so we can all see each other more often.

Have a good week everyone!!

Soggy days

The word of the month so far in November in Vancouver has been rain. Or maybe wet. It's been phenomenal. We've had almost 250 millimeters of rain in two weeks - that's more than we've had in the past 6 months combined!! It's been a bit of a deluge. We're used to just rain, straight down, not too heavy - just consistent. This is incredible! Puddles galore, checking out everyone's rubber boot fashions, building up strong arms from holding my umbrella up all the time, and now we're dealing with a boil water advisory. The water has turned all cloudy and brown, so they don't want anyone getting sick if there's more than just dirt in there. We can't drink it, brush our teeth with it, or wash our fruit and veggies with it. They hope to have it sorted out by the end of the weekend - but we're expecting another storm here on Sunday. They are calling for 110mm more, in one day!! The sediment in the water is coming from landslides near the resevoirs - not good for the people living on the lower part of the mountains on the north shore to hear the land is giving way. I figure if we can survive this, the rest of our Vancouver winter will be easy peasy! We're going to get into cross country skiing as well, to find a way to escape all this wetness. The ski hill's are even open already, so maybe we'll go this weekend!

Our weekend will be filled with indoor projects - making our Christmas cards, me doing some paintings, nice roast dinner on Sunday, going bowling with our friends tomorrow night, writing letters, reading, long movies (Lord of the Rings), and staying warm and fuzzy as much as possible. The sun won't be back for at least a week, so we might as well accept this for what it is and enjoy it. I'd much rather have this than -10 degrees Celsius and snow already!

"Singing in the Rain" is actually on tv tonight - how ironic is that?!!

Invisible Blogger

Yes, it's me, I am alive! For some reason, blogging has been put at the bottom of my to do list lately. Life is great and I am busier than I can remember, so this medium isn't as vital to me anymore. I am still reading everyone else's posts, but just don't have the time to do my own. Work is amazing, I'm loving everything about it!! The people are wonderful and being busy is so much better for me. It's incredible how different my whole life feels now that I'm content in my work life. Amazing difference. I feel more confident, more capable, more settled, more in touch with the world around me. But I also feel tired from using my brain, from actually working 8 hours a day. When I get home, I'd much rather cuddle or curl up on the couch or read a book or cook something comforting than sit back down at the computer. I now know why I never got many emails from my friends- working takes a lot out of you and when you are at a computer all day, you don't want to be at it all night! In my old job, I had nothing else to do all day, so blogging was my savior. And I am so grateful for finding all the wonderful women I have through this arena, but I think I need to do this differently now. Step back from it and see what I want it to be for me, what I hope to get out of it and put into it. My grateful lists and sharing photos and stories are my favorite parts, so that will continue - just more sporadically I think. I'm tired of feeling like I have to keep up - I'm going to do it my way.

Phew, don't know where that came from! I celebrated my 4th anniversary with my R this week - he surprised me with a huge bouquet of flowers at work. They are gorgeous. I am so lucky. I love him more everyday. It feels like it's gone by so fast but also like we've known each other so much longer than that. Our office was re-organized this week, all new desks and a new configuration, which has made the space much more pleasant, but was quite unsettling. Change is good though. Winter is coming and I'm ready for it this year. I want to make soups and comfort food and cuddle under the duvet. We're planning on going cross country skiing this year, a way to escape the rain and to get some more exercise into our life. The snow is a little while away, but having something to look forward to in the winter is a treat! What are you going to be doing this winter?

Weekly Wonderments

the Inukshuk

Mixing things up a bit this week. Grateful friday needed a change-new time of year, new approach. A chance to look around me at not only what I'm grateful for, but what leaves me in wonder, moments to remember.
Last friday night was a chance to catch up with our good friends, and we filled the night with lots of laughter and stories as Spanish and English mingled around yummy food and sangria. The weekend had me working Saturday night at an art auction, which meant shopping for a something to wear, and we hit the Noodle Box for the first time - so so good. A wet grey Sunday meant a lazy morning in bed, more comfort food, and cuddles on the couch.
Monday came up quickly, back to work and reality. Yoga was much needed and much enjoyed, as was coming home to dinner waiting for me. I managed to get there twice this week, which made my body quite happy. The week was full of learning and lunch with friends and co-workers, while being surrounded by such beautiful fall colours. The air has changed, its so fresh and crisp now, I love getting to bundle up again.
The week flew by and Friday night meant a stagette for a friend who's getting married next month. We had a great dinner and finished the evening with a pole dancing class, which was brilliant!! I want a pole in my house now! Lots of laughter and glasses of vino, great women bonding time.
R and I spent yesterday outside walking around enjoying the sunshine, having lunch together, soaking it up. We're off for a hike today with hopefully a hot chocolate at the end. I am going to take some photos of the beautiful trees and enjoy the fresh air.
(Wow that was hard to write, change isn't easy! It might help me pay more attention this week, though!)
What has left you in wonder this week?

Adjusting and finding balance

I'm in a transitional phase. Things are good, very good in fact, but adjustments are being made on every level of my being. I feel so comfortable at work that I forget about the enormous learning curve I'm on. Being busy is new for me - something I've never had to really deal with in my work life. I am loving it, don't get me wrong, but I have a lot to learn about balance and keeping myself separate from what I don't need to worry about. I'm still testing the waters and forget I'm only in week three - wow. My job is continually being re-defined and will probably always be that way- organic is good. I want to believe in my own abilities, to trust I can do this, to allow room for being human and making mistakes. I hope I can find a balance between my work life and taking good care of myself. Caring about my work, but not becoming consumed by it. I have always heard other people talk about work taking over their lives, about losing control, about not having enough time to do the things they enjoy, but I thought I'd never be like that. Now, having a new perspective shows me how easy that could happen to anyone. But I would like to remember to make time to create, to go to yoga class, to have a bath, to spend with my R, to make friends, on and on. Anything's possible if you find the right balance...right? All of this is new to me and I'll figure it out. Being busy is such a gift - believe me, I know that! But, I am adjusting.
How do you find balance? What keeps you in tune with your own needs?

Grateful Friday!!

from flickr

This photo was too cute, I couldn't resist!! I'm feeling a bit tired myself. I had my first big function at work last night and even though it was an early one and I was working not drinking, I was still a bit fuzzy around the edges today. It was only the preview party as well - the art auction is on Saturday night. I am carrying art on and off the stage for the actual live auction, so a bit nervous about that. Except that it means I don' t have to get a dress! I will be all in black and that I can manage quite easily. It's so nice to be around people - I'd forgotten how good that feels. How much energy I get from it.

This week I'm grateful for:

• my R - came home last night to dinner waiting for me and he was taping Grey's Anatomy (which I had completely forgotten!) how sweet is he?!!
• my job
• the amazing weather continuing
• my new jeans (first pair I've bought in over 5 years!)
• getting mail today
• my sister being ok, her husband's away in Taiwan for 2 months
• pumpkin loaf from Starbucks
• finding good organic coffee on Granville island that isn't Starbucks!
• the fall colours
• the Pumpkin regatta this weekend back at home (my parents live across the street from the Pumpkin King, Howie Dill...a story to share later!!)
• the weekend being here
• going out tonight with our friends we haven't seen in weeks
• good emails from friends
• not living in Buffalo or Southern Ontario (it snowed 60 cms!!)
• Madeleine Peyroux's new album, Half the Perfect World
• new music on my iPod
• comfortable shoes
• cold nights
• the sound of children's laughter
• R's parents getting home safely and saying how much fun they had with us
• being invited to my brother's for Christmas this year - so hope we can go!
• new art supplies
• getting to see some amazing art work at the auction
• I'm not in special events - they work so hard!!!!
  What are you grateful for?!

In Awe...

Today I'm feeling in awe of the world around me and my life - and also feeling overwhelmed by it all. I'm in awe of the beautiful weather we've been having for months. I'm in awe of the incredible colours on the trees and how vibrant they get everyday. I'm in awe of the feeling of having a job I enjoy, how different it is. I'm in awe of the life and creativity on Granville island, where I get to go to work everyday. I'm in awe of how events get put together (big fundraising art auction this weekend for our organization). I'm in awe of hormones and what its like to work with all women. I'm in awe of how much I am in love with R and how even after almost 4 years together I still get all mooshy just thinking about him. I'm in awe of how much fear I carry around in a day, in a moment, all the time. I'm in awe of how big the world really is. I'm in awe of how many different people there are in the world, how many different ideas. I'm in awe of how easy it is to fall into patterns that aren't good for us, and how hard it seems to create patterns of things that are good for us. I'm in awe of how much I miss my family. I'm in awe of the silence of a bird flying across the water. I'm in awe of the amazing amount of colours the sky creates for its sunsets - and we've had some real doozies lately. I'm in awe of how fast my mind goes straight to worse case scenario. I'm in awe of artists and their abilities to create works that make me gasp with wonder. I'm in awe of the changing seasons and how drastic, how fast it can feel sometimes. I'm in awe of my own joy. I'm in awe of change and how good it is, yet how disruptive it is even when we are enjoying it. I'm in awe of how tired I am at the end of the day, now that I am actually working. I'm in awe of how long my hair is. I'm in awe of how into my favorite tv shows I get. I'm in awe of how many choices and decisions I have everyday. I'm in awe of how lucky I am. I'm in awe of my beautiful life. I'm in awe of wonder.

I'm feeling like I've got tons of things I want to blog about now that I've had a hiatus, just hope I can find the time. I know, it surprises me too - I have a life!

Grateful Friday!

Friday already, wow! I love being busy! My new job is wonderful. I have been busy since I sat down on Monday morning - a brilliant feeling. And it doesn't look like its going to stop anytime soon either! Everyone is very nice and I love the energy in the place. Being on Granville Island is such a treat as well. I'm sure I'll have something to moan about in the future, but for now, I'm going with this feeling of joy.
I got my bed back last night, heaven!! The inlaws left yesterday and we are loving having our home back. We did have a good visit though and they were so nice taking us out for dinner a lot and buying us new clothes and even got us a George Foreman grill!! So sweet. Who knows how long it will be before we see them again. Sigh... everyone is so far away.
This week I'm grateful for:

• it being a long weekend and us having absolutely no plans!!
• my new job and everything that goes with it
• my Richard and some time alone
• his parents and our time together
• that they got home safely
• my holidays
• fall colours - so love the red
• my commute
• cool nights to cuddle
• my sister in law - its her birthday today!!
• my parents getting a new car
• Friday Night Lights (on NBC) - its got me hooked already
• Grey's Anatomy
• yogurt
• hummus full of garlic
• letters in the mail
• our camera
• my new clothes - so comfy! especially my new hoodie
• being happy
• being busy!!
• being tired from work - a new concept for me completely!!
• good wine
• Pumpkin Spice lattes from Starbucks
• my new hair dryer
• sleeping in my bed again...did I say heaven already?

Hope everyone has a great weekend and Thanksgiving if you're Canadian!!

Re-Connecting

Grouse Mountain and West Vancouver from Jericho Beach

I feel like I've been living on another planet for the past two weeks - amazing what a holiday will do to you! Feeling a bit disconnected from all my own normality, our routines, the regularity of our life here. It's a good thing, but also quite surreal. I needed a vacation from my regular life, we both did, a chance to relax, recharge, and get a new perspective on it all. It was so strange yesterday when we spent the day at the mall, since it was grey and wet outside, and then went to see Jet Li's new movie, "Fearless". Sitting in there, in the dark, watching a movie in Chinese, after being inside all day, I came out expecting to be in a totally different country or something. It was very very bizarre. Time to get back to reality I think - I am ready for it again.
Today is our one year anniversary at our flat - one whole year here, in the same place. The last time I had the same address for 12 months in a row was before I went away to university - 12 years ago. Whoa. I know, I'm weird. No wonder I was ready to settle down. We both feel much more at home after just being away for a week, like this is where we live now. After being travelers for so long, this is a new sensation for both of us. I am loving it. It's a whole new adventure in itself. What sort of adventure are you having this week??

Grateful Friday!!

View of Mt. Baker from eastern Vancouver island

Sealife near Campbell River

Whew, what a crazy few days. I didn't think I'd ever get a chance to sit down here and post away. It's crazy having house guests, isn't it?! The inlaws are our first official ones, so we're still learning I think. Being back home in Vancouver, in our house, has mellowed us all out a bit, which is great. The parents have been going off on adventures of their own, while R got back to work and I spent my first morning at my new job! I think we all needed a bit of space. The new job looks wonderful! No day will be the same, I'll be busy, and have a wide variety of tasks to do, so I think it's going to be interesting and give me a chance to learn a lot, be creative, and meet all sorts of people. I've got a headache from information overload, but I love it!! I got to go out for lunch with my office to say goodbye to the woman in my place, and say hello to me - it was brilliant! How are you all doing?!!
The trip was full of lovely long drives down new roads, beautiful trees just on the edge of turning colour, small communities and very nice people, and it was such a treat to just be free. It felt a lot like Nova Scotia, where I grew up, which was a nice surprise. It didn't make me home sick, just happy to be around something so beautiful, so bizarrely familiar. It felt like "real Canada - but I don't know what I mean by that exactly! Tofino was our favorite place - went on a whale watching trip. Loved being on a boat in the sunshine, we even saw a bunch of grey whales! The beaches out there are gorgeous, so alive, so vibrant. Eating dinner on the beach with R, watching the sunset, the amazing colours and just having time together. I'm so going to go sea kayaking and surfing when we go back. And we are SO going back there.

Victoria surprised us, after having been there a couple times and not really enjoying it very much. It was a great city to walk around in, had a real downtown core to explore, and a beautiful harbour. It helped that it was a magical sunny day too. We had a great meal out for G's birthday, he was quite chuffed anyways. Stayed in a wonderful heritage house owned by the backpackers, so we each had our own suite - highly recommended if you ever go to Victoria!! Ocean Island Suites. All the places we stayed were wonderful actually. We did well! Time flew by, especially once I came down with the cold - felt like my head was literally in a bubble. But it didn't damper things too much, only meant I used a lot of kleenex!!

Coming home was a treat as well - we've never been away from our place that long before, so nice to come back home. Life is in transition once again, but that's life right? Crazy to think it's almost October, but I'm really looking forward to the trees beautiful colour show - expect many photos. I'm like Ruby and Meg, fall is a new year for me much more than January. I love this time of year.

Missed my first grateful list last week, so this one may be a bit longer than usual - bare with me.
This week I am grateful for:

• my wonderful R and his patience and getting to have some quality time together, away
• my inlaws, even when they drive me batty! bless them
• our lovely little flat
• traveling and seeing new places
• Tofino
• the BC ferries
• sunshine, sunshine, sunshine
• Indian Summer
• the coming fall colours
• bookstores
• Vancouver
• Vancouver Island
• my mom - happy belated birthday! glad she was born, really
• Grey's Anatomy
• soft kleenex
• the internet - for helping us plan our adventure
• rental cars - love the freedom of wheels, cannot wait to buy our own one day
• the air mattress we're sleeping on
• my new job and the people I'm going to be working with/for
• our camera
• being on a boat on the water
• long walks on the beach, even getting sun kissed
• sunsets
• time away from reality
• not thinking about work at all - old or new - for a whole week
• being able to show off where we live - and man, it's gorgeous!!
• being lucky to have seen a lot of the world and experienced so many things - having stretched my comfort zone so many times and getting to learn so much about myself and the world
• the sound of children laughing
• Granville Island, my yoga studio, my art store, and getting to learn what other fabulous places are over there
• my new commute on the ferry across False Creek
• my old crap job for helping me find this community and my creativity again
• getting real letters in the mail
• being able to wear flipflops still
• my new clothes for work
• change
• acceptance and letting go
• family

Wow, I'll stop now, don't want anyone to fall asleep reading this! Weekend full of tour guiding ahead for us, might head up to the mountains. Hope you all have a good one!

Photos first

Tofino harbour

Qualicum beach (this was our backyard!!)

Me doing yoga at sunset in Tofino (or pretending to!)

Tofino Clayquoet Sound

Victoria Parliament buildings

Us at G's birthday dinner

We're back home now, will write a proper post tomorrow, but wanted to share some photos from our time away! Loved Tofino the most (obviously), but it was a great time away. Of course, R and I both got sick with colds (thanks to the English germs his mom brought over!!), but we still loved being away and seeing something new. Have lots to share so stay tuned!

On our way...

Morning! Sitting at home, the sun coming through the windows finally after a few days of rain, getting ready to go out for the day with my future in-laws to Capilano Suspension Bridge. It's wonderful to see them, except for the unsettled weather, but being tour guide is a great treat! His mom survived the flight and was quite happy about the experience, which was good considering she is terrified of flying. We're sleeping out in the living room on the air mattress, feels a bit cramped in our one bedroom flat - good thing we're off tomorrow on our adventure!!

We're heading over to Vancouver Island for a week!! Taking the ferry over to Nanaimo, then getting our rental car and heading up to Qualicum Beach (staying here!)for three days. Hoping to do some sea kayaking there and some major beachcombing. Then, we're driving down to Victoria for the weekend to celebrate his dad's birthday. Then, we'll be heading up to Tofino (see the pic above!) for a couple days. I cannot wait to see it all!! We've been over a few times when my sister was living there, but not to all of these places. Tofino is known for its rugged coastline and amazing waves and storm watching! Its the surf capital of Canada, bit like Cornwall I hope. I've been looking forward to going there ever since we moved out here. I'll take tons of photos, don't worry!!!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments about my new job! I am still very excited! I got to go down there to meet with my new boss yesterday and she gave me a tour of the place and introduced me to everyone - it is an amazing space and everyone seems so nice. Mostly women, could be interesting with all the hormones running around there, but there was a good mix of younger and older, so the potential is there to meet some new friends maybe. They all said how wonderful a place it is to work and so many of them have been there for years, so that's a great sign. I think this is going to be such a positive step in my life, I can't even begin to fathom it. I have no idea what I'm going to be do exactly workwise, but who cares! It looks like I'm going to be busy, that's all that matters!!
We'll be back next week - I love being on holiday!!!

Grateful Friday!!!

R and I at the Great Ocean Road, Australia

I'm still reeling from my good news from last night and from handing in my notice today. I was pretty excited and nervous last night, I couldn't get to sleep. Like a little kid waiting for Christmas or something! I woke up early with R this morning (his alarm goes off at 6am!) and couldn't get back to sleep, so went out and had a coffee and journal session before work. I felt sick to my stomach about handing in my notice, but it went so smoothly, I could barely believe it. He just said ok. That was it, seriously! My other boss was a bit sad actually- because he likes me but also because it means a headache for him in the weeks to come. Oh well!! I'm free! Got my last pay check and had lunch with my favorites, just waiting for wine time before I let everyone know what's going on. I love the look on their faces - such surprise. It's great!!

My new job is as the administrative assistant in the Programs Department for Arts Umbrella, a non-profit art school for kids on Granville Island (one of my favorite places in Vancouver and so close to my home as well!). My yoga class is around the corner and my favorite art store is across the street- could be trouble! They have visual and media arts, theatre, music, and dance. My job is to work directly for the Program Director and the Program assistants, plus liase and work with all the instructors (like 100 of them!!), plus numerous other tasks. It sounds like I may actually be busy!! Imagine that. I know it can't be all the time, but I won't be sitting at a desk trying to come up with something to do for 8 hours a day anymore. I know that and I am ready for it too. I'm ready for all of it. I get to start the first week of October, so still get my two weeks holiday. If I had been offered it when I went through the interview process, I wouldn't have been able to take as much holiday - so it couldn't have worked out better. Sigh...I love life.

This week I am Grateful for:

• my new job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (like I said, I'm pretty excited) see previous post
• being on holiday officially in one hour!!!!!
• R's parents arriving on Sunday for their 3 week visit
• getting to show off our home and city to someone new
• R being so happy for me and doing the dance of joy together, for having him in my life
• Arts Umbrella
• surviving this job for a whole year (longest I've ever been in one job, no joke. No, I've never been fired either- yes, my life is strange)
• my little niece being healthy
• the new Razorlight album
• "Don't Feel like Dancing" by the Scissor Sisters - I boogie to it everytime it comes on my iPod
• BBC Radio One
• sweet potato knish's
• the sun coming out again
• finally having some rain and things green-ing up a bit
• Fall coming
• getting to snuggle up in bed to stay warm
• Oyster Bay wine
• how happy I feel, how relieved, how excited
• the Universe and its amazing ways (put it out there and watch it come to life)
• my new creative outlet (see previous previous post)
• getting to really clean our flat tomorrow
• this wonderful community I've discovered and for this boring job giving me the chance to find it!
• change

We're not leaving town and access to our computer until next Wednesday, so I will still be posting and reading blogs. I hope you all have a great weekend!! I know I'm going to go out and celebrate!

The Universe Comes Through!!!

Arts Umbrella logo

I had some great news today...remember that job I had the two interviews for at Arts Umbrella? The one they gave to someone else? Well, I got a call from the head of the programming Department today and the girl they hired has decided to take another job...so they offered it to me!!!!!!!!! Of course I said yes!!! I can't believe this is happening! I knew there was a reason that nothing else had come up. I get to go in to work tomorrow and hand in my notice and then go on holiday! Holy crap! I am so excited, in case you can't tell. I needed something to sort itself out and the Universe has delivered. I am a bit nervous about handing in my notice- I have no idea how they are going to react, but my new boss (!!) said she is flexible if I need to give them some extra time. I don't expect it to be a nice moment and I'll be ok. I'm not going to have to sit at that desk anymore and be bored to tears!! How good does that feel??! I can't sit still I'm so excited. Life is going to get better, I can feel it. (Knock on wood of course)

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments about my paintings as well - that made me feel so grateful for this community once again. I wish you were all here to celebrate! R went out and go us some Oyster Bay Sav Blanc, so I'm a happy girl! (we actually worked for that vineyard and the wine is one of our favorites)

I am in love...

I've found a new creative outlet and I am so in love! (Yes I did these, I still can't believe it myself) I love the feel of the paint, mixing the colours and coming up with anything I want. I love watching how it all plays itself out, having no judgments. The inner critic has yet to show up, which is such a treat. I want to go out and buy hundreds of canvases and just try everything and anything. I love how it got me out of my head for awhile. I love how it helped me forget my shitty day and my even shittier job and let me just create. These are going up in our bedroom. I now know what you have all been going on about! I want to do some mixed media pieces next - mix words with colour and texture and different objects. I think I need to learn more about it all - know any good books or websites I can check out? What are your favorite ways to paint - tools, paints, extras?

I was a bit scared about putting these on here, but wanted to share my excitement with everyone! I am so grateful for all of you and how supportive you are, especially after my post yesterday. I wasn't going to post that either, but thought what the hell. And now I feel so much better. For being brave, for purging it all from my head for awhile. And your comments meant the world to me. Like hugs through the computer screen.

How do you love to create? What gets your juices flowing?!!

Sunday Scribblings

time travel from cybergus on flickr

This week's prompt: "What I wouldn’t write about… "

I found this prompt hard, even a bit uncomfortable really. I wasn’t sure what I wouldn’t write about. I know that I wouldn’t write a fantasy book or a sci-fi book, simply because I have no experience with these genres. I find too much reality hard to handle sometimes, so I wouldn’t write a real-life story. I don’t know what I wouldn’t write about, it’s too hard to pinpoint, so I decided to do a timed writing and see what came out.

I wouldn’t write about how amazing I am. I wouldn’t write about how many things I have accomplished and how wonderful a person I am. I wouldn’t write that I am a brilliant friend and even better girlfriend. I wouldn’t write that I have so much to offer, that I am being wasted at this job. I wouldn’t write that I deserve to be happy or that I deserve to be in a job where I am successful and feel useful. I wouldn’t write that I am going to be a great mom, caring and open minded and flexible, ready for anything. I wouldn’t write that I am an adventurer at heart, that I like to take risks, that I enjoy new things. I wouldn’t write that change is good. I wouldn’t write that I am beautiful, inside and out. I wouldn’t write that I am afraid of being a mother, that I worry I will be too anxious and miss all the magic. I wouldn’t write that I worry about falling into a depression again. I wouldn’t write that I hate being an anxious person and that I would do anything to stop worrying for even just a day. I wouldn’t write that I am embarrassed that I am working in a place I hate and not getting out of it fast enough. I wouldn’t write that I would trade in my university degree to erase the debt I’m straddled with. I wouldn’t write that I hated 90% of my university experience. I wouldn’t write that I am scared to go after a job I love because then I wouldn’t know what to complain or stress about anymore. I wouldn’t write that I want to work with kids on some level but am too scared to go through all the schooling in case I don’t want to do it once I get there. I wouldn’t write that I feel useless sometimes. I wouldn’t write that I believe in myself. I wouldn’t write that I want to work with young people to help them believe in themselves and follow their dreams. I wouldn’t write that I want to become more creative. I wouldn’t write that I think I am already creative. I wouldn’t write that I think I am brave or strong. I wouldn’t write that I want to stop thinking about a career and working forever. I wouldn’t write that my size doesn’t matter to me, that I am perfect exactly how I am. I wouldn’t write that I don’t care what other people think about me. I wouldn’t write that I like Starbucks coffee. I wouldn’t write that I miss traveling. I wouldn’t write that I wish I had been more relaxed and enjoyed the moment when I was traveling. I wouldn’t write that losing someone I love scares me daily, to the point of tears and/or panic. I wouldn’t write that I think I can handle it, that I can handle anything. I wouldn’t write that I want to make a difference to someone, to the world. I wouldn’t write that I already have done this. I wouldn’t write that I am seen as a positive influence. I wouldn’t write that I can commit to something and stick it out. I wouldn’t write that I want to be a runner, even though I hate every second of it. I wouldn’t write that I am a good writer. I wouldn’t write that I trust I the process. I wouldn’t write that I worry I’m wasting time by being in a job I despise. I wouldn’t write these things because they scare me. They feel like lies sometimes. Or words I’m not supposed to say out loud.

Whew, that was a bit serious. I may be feeling some of the universal grief that's going around today on the 5th anniversary. Or maybe I just needed to open the flood gates a bit. Either way, my other posts this week will be a bit more upbeat, I promise!

Grateful Friday!!

late imperfect afternoon by strawberry fields on flickr

I haven't posted very much this week for some unknown reason. Just been spending a bit too much time inside my own head, I think. I definitely need a holiday...luckily I will get one in a week's time!! Work has been doing my head in, I've felt disconnected from everything, but especially my blog world. Boredom tends to suck any creative energy out of me, so tv was my distraction most nights this week. I spend so much time thinking about what I can do with my life (a regular obsession for me), and always come up with a different answer. I was talking to my little sis last night - she just started doing her Education degree and is loving it. She said I need to stop fighting the inevitable and go get my Education degree. The inevitable being that our family are teachers. My dad, my mom, my brother, and now my sister are all teachers. She may have a point there, but all I think about is wanting to have babies and the student loan I'm already strapped with. But I told her I'd investigate it and see how viable it is. Just one more possibility to add to my list. It would be nice to know what is the right answer, which is the right direction. Oh well, this too shall pass. How's your week been?

This week, I'm grateful for:

• the beautiful sunshine that just seems to continue
• fall closing in slowly
• R being back on days
• my friend Kathleen being back online
• my little sis enjoying her new path
• my dad started his 40th year of teaching at the same school
• getting through another week of work (helped that it was only 4 days!)
• our holiday getting ever closer
• having a good day at work today - mainly because the accountant was there and she's always fun, our bosses actually took us out for lunch, and we had birthday cake and wine at 3:30, so the day ended early! if it was like that everyday, I'd be very happy!
• meeting up with someone from Arts Umbrella (where I had applied for that job) and setting up some volunteering for an event they have coming up
• her telling me that several people said they were excited that she was meeting with me
• my yoga class and my friend coming with me
• our lovely long weekend
• lovely emails from my wonderful friends all over the world
• my new sunglasses!
• US Open Tennis
• having no plans this weekend
• giant nectarines
• this wonderful blogging community

I feel with the change of the season, I need a new banner on here...anyone know how to do that? Denise did such a beautiful job with this one, but I don't know how to make a picture to put up there. I can get it on the page, just not sure how to start. Would be grateful for any suggestions!

Long Weekend Fun in the Sun

Bowen Island harbour

The mainland from Bowen Island

It's hard to believe that it's September already. I knew it was coming, but wow - it got here fast. We had another great long weekend. Spending time shopping and eating out in new places we've never tried. Jumping on the ferry across to Bowen Island (15 minutes away) to go for a walk and have a brilliant pub lunch with our friends. A bbq on the beach in the beautiful sunshine, catching up with a friend we haven't seen all summer. It was wonderful, but went by too quickly, as always. I made sure I didn't think about how much I was dreading going into work. Everyone keeps saying how its the end of the summer after Labour Day weekend, but I beg to differ. Summer isn't officially over till the end of this month, despite the days getting shorter and the feeling of autumn creeping into everything. Summer is a state of mind, I'm starting to believe. Especially when it's so beautiful outside! And we have been so lucky to have such wonderful weather for the past three months. I'd love for it to hold on until R's parents get here in 10 days!!!

R, Silvina, and Mauriano on the ferry to Bowen Island

I hope everyone else had a great long weekend as well. What did you get up to? I wasn't able to get the comments to work on Blogger this weekend, but have definitely been reading all your wonderful words. I d o feel disconnected ever since I was banned from the internet at work, I've got to get used to only being on here at home.

Grateful Friday Special Edition

Vancouver Skyline from Stanley Park by canihavemorespamplease on flickr

It was a year ago yesterday R and I moved to Vancouver. Crazy to think I've actually been in one place for a year. The last time I did that was before I went away to university, 12 years ago! Whoa. I thought it would be nice to make a list of the things here I'm grateful for, to mark the occasion and to celebrate our home. A place we love.

The things I am grateful for living in Vancouver:

• our wonderful flat (our first home)
• our new haunts - Hilary's, the Boathouse, Thai Away Home, Vera's, and others
• the West End - being near the beach and Stanley park
• Stanley Park
• all the beaches
• the mountains surrounding us
• the smell of the sea
• the rain (some of the time anyways!)
• our new friends
• great patios
• Granville Island
• the seawall
• being so close to everything
• R's company helping him out and their new workshop
• my job for helping us pay the bills and introducing me to Silvina
• 2 IKEAs
• gelato
• long walks
• everyone being health conscious (obsessed maybe?)
• organic living
• the surrounding areas of Vancouver Island and the Okanagan, Whistler, the Sunshine coast, and more we have yet to discover
• the simple transit system
• a higher standard of living
• the artistic community
• tennis and golf and running
• yoga rocks!- clothing, classes, lifestyle
• how happy it makes us both
• this beautiful summer (so much sun!)
• bbqs on the beach just down the hill from our house
• being able to walk to the beach
• skiing 25 minutes away (something we will try this year)
• snow if you want it, but no bitter cold winters like I'm used to
• our landlords and all their help
• a large multi-cultural population, so many languages, so many different perspectives
• so many opportunities
• the main library
• the False Creek ferries
• so many restaurants to choose from
• Commercial Drive, Kits, Cole Harbour, UBC Endowment lands, Jericho, Chinatown

Sure, not everything is perfect. I worry about all the homeless people and the problems with drugs. Some of the locals aren't the nicest people in the world or the easiest to get to know. It is hard to meet new people. And when we want to buy a house, we'll probably have to sell our first born, but it is our home and I have never been as comfortable or as content as I am here. And the fact that we want to build a future here is always a good sign with me. Here' s to our first of many years here!!!

Book Meme, my version

Bodelian Library (one of my favroites!) from Stuart Yeates, on Flickr

One book that changed your life- I don't know if I can narrow it down to one. Time Traveler's Wife, Poisonwood Bible, God of Small Things, Alanna, Dorothy Dunnet, Eat Pray Love,

One book you have read more than once - the Alanna Books, The Song of the Lioness Series (four in the series); about a girl who disguises herself as a boy to become a knight in a world created by the author. She is willing to do whatever it takes to become a knight of the realm and make a difference in the lives of those around her. She meets some wonderful friends who help her along the way, gets to fall in love, even grows up to become a mother. Her incredible determination and passion help her achieve her goals and she becomes one of the strongest knights in the realm, even once her true identity has been revealed. I wanted to be her, to know what she wanted and be passionate enough to go for it. I still want this! I've read and re-read the whole series about 10 times between when I was 14 and now. I can still read them and love them. These books got me reading again after being frightened away from it when I was 7 years old, scary teacher I think. I think all young girls should read them. My daughters will! Maybe I'll go read them now!

One book you would want on a desert island - Jane Austen's Complete Works or Shakespeare's Complete Works

One book that made you laugh - anything by Bill Bryson, but especially his travel books about England and the one about moving to America, and the one about Australia- actually, anything by Bill Bryson! Laugh out loud funny. He's one of those people I'd love to have lunch with, pick his brain.

One that made you cry - My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult, wow did I ever cry over this one. It made me really miss my sisters and wish I could see them more often.

One book you wish had been written - a book about what you can do after your graduate university and don't know what to do! A guide for life. A book that can tell me what job I would be most happy and fulfilled with, as well as best suited for.

One book you wish hadn't been written - I agree with Susannah on this one, every book that's been written has given us something. If only a yard stick to measure good and bad books by, they have given us something. But then again, Old Man and the Sea was one of the more painful ones I had to read in school that I could have done without.

One book you're currently reading - I'm reading History of Love by Nicole Kraus and would highly recommend it. It's made me laugh out loud in some parts and want to cry in others. It's about an old man who survived the Holocaust and a young girl trying to deal with her father's death and help her mother with her grief. And all of it surrounds a book called the History of Love. Go find it! Everything else has been put on hold till I finish this one.

One book you loved as a kid - Go Dog Go, by P.D. Eastman. I loved the picture of the dogs up n the tree having a party. Or The Paperbag Princess, by Robert Munsch - gotta love girl power! Children's books that I would love to write.

One book that is your all time favorite (this year) - A Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger. This book was amazing, it touched me on so many levels and was such a breath of fresh air in its originality and creativity. The story comes out of an unrealistic premise of being able to travel through time, but I felt like it was really possible after reading this! It must be! And the characters were so real to me, I wanted to go out for dinner and wine with them and learn more about their story. It made me laugh, it made me cry. I want everyone I know, and everyone I don't know, to read this! It is a must. My favorite book of all time changes, so I'm sure I'll find more to add to the list!

I love reading, I love the escape, the journey, the lessons, the ideas and creativity you witness through someone else's words and imagination. I love celebrating how something goes into writing smoething and going through the process to get it on a shelf for me to read. I love going to the library and leaving with my arms loaded with books, even the ones that smell like dust and mildew. I love going to a bookstore and getting lost for hours in all the different sections and titles. What would we do without books?!! They are as important to me as music, maybe even more so. Maybe it's a tie...

Sunday Scribblings

Grover, brought to you by Sesame Street

This week's prompt - Monster.
My first thought when I read the prompt was that a Monster had to be something scary, but I don't think mine is. It definitely had its moments, but in general, I'm so grateful that it's been and is still a part of me. My monster is the Travel Bug.

I traveled a lot with my family when I was young. My mom is American, so we would drive down to Virginia every other year to visit her family. We also traveled around eastern Canada, but the Travel Bug didn't come alive inside of me until I left home and started to travel on my own. My first big trip was to San Francisco for the summer during university to stay with my aunt and uncle. I had never gone so far away all on my own before, so this was a big step. My life changed dramatically that summer - my eyes were opened, my confidence came alive, and I knew that I had to see as much of the world as I could. And now was the time, before I had too many responsibilities. I was bitten, hard, and fell under the hold of the Travel Bug big time! Nothing else mattered anymore, I need to get on a plane and fly far away. Traveling felt like such a great way to run away from the parts of my life and myself that I didn't like; to be someone totally different and free from comparisons and expectations, a way to avoid all responsibilities and just be, just see how the world worked and how I fit into it. I could go somewhere new and start over, as many times as I wanted to. I was totally convinced this was the way I wanted to live my life. My Monster was in total control.

Of course, I realized pretty quickly that you can never run away from yourself, from who you are or your responsibilities. Expectations never go away, they just change. And I was faced with a whole set of new issues. I was amazed at how much "stuff" came up while I was on my first adventure in the UK, away from home for 2 years. I think my parents are still paying for some of the many phone calls I made in tears from phone booths across England! I had removed everything familiar and all the walls I had hid behind for so many years- now I was faced with all those issues I had been avoiding for so long. And as hard as I tried to run away, from town to town, from one job to another, I finally realized I had to sit down and deal with it all. I came home and went into therapy and tried to settle down for a while. The Travel Bug was having none of that though!

I was on a plane again, less than two years later. I couldn't find a way to get comfortable back home in Canada- I moved four times in two years. Trying to find something that felt right, that felt like it did when I was overseas, but it was futile. I knew deep down my traveling days were not over yet. I took a job back in my hometown, at the private school I had gone to- working as a house parent in the residence and substitute teaching. It was a great way to save money and helped me buy my plane ticket for Australia. There wasn't one day while I was home that I didn't try to come up with a way to get back out there, to escape once again. Not one single day. Traveling was freedom to me and I wasn't ready to sacrifice that sensation for any sort of "normal" life - even if I had student loans to pay or career ideas to explore. I liked myself better when I was a foreigner, when I was traveling, when I had nothing tying me down and no one around me who didn't understand me. As a backpacker, I was amongst people who were all going through the same thing, who were all running away from something, who were all there to explore life to the fullest while they had the chance - it was completely addictive!!

Everything changed as soon as I met and fell in love with Richard. It was then that I finally stated to think settling down might have some benefits. But luckily we both loved to travel and due to immigration circumstances, we continued to do so for another couple years. And we both look forward to traveling with our children and there are still some continents left for us to explore. South America, all of Europe, maybe even Africa one day. The Travel Bug made me do some crazy things, even make some irrational decisions sometimes, but it also helped me be brave and take chances. It gave me the push I needed to go after something different and I will forever be grateful for its help in becoming who I am today.
Some monsters aren't all that bad.
For more Sunday Scribblings, go here.

Grateful Friday!

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run

than outright exposure.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

- Helen Keller-

I actually missed my first grateful friday - guess that's what happens when you have a life and aren't allowed on the computer at work! I couldn't go without it though, so here it is.

This week I am grateful for:

• my R finishing his night shifts!!!
• being able to go back to a "normal" life for now
• having remembered that I don't mind spending time with myself
• my yoga classes
• walking to work for over three months now!
• the excitement and promise of fall
• the beautiful weather we are still having - how lucky have we been! no rain really since June started
• getting through another week of work without too many tears
• feeling positive about not getting the job and looking forward to the opportunities its going to open regardless
• being brave and sending out my CV to a couple more places
• knowing I will be on holiday in three weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• getting our holiday (almost) all sorted out and finding some nice places to stay
• getting to talk to my little sis
• my other little sis getting to her new home at uni in one piece
• my brother and the kids starting another new school year relatively unscathed
• the Brand New Heavies cd
• our clean flat
• a nice weekend to wander around our city with no purpose
• clean clothes!
• new canvases to paint - my turn now!
• my friend Kathleen and her kind words
• getting time to write - brainstorming children's stories I can write while I'm at work (must be a reason why I'm not allowed on the computer and don't have anything to do right?)
• my love handles - can't seem to get rid of them so I might as well love em!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!!!

Poetry Thursday

I stole this idea from Becca - I love it! It pulls out the words you use most in your blog. And you can have it made into a tshirt too - how cool is that!! I know this week's prompt was time, but I have just had too much of it on my hands today and don't want to think about it anymore. But this list of words is a poem in itself...maybe?

I found out that I didn't get the job today, finally. I had a really good chat with the woman I'd interviewed with and she said they had a really hard time deciding but gave it to someone who's be working there for 5 years. She had showed them the commitment, etc., but that it wasn't anything against me. She wants to keep my CV on file and call me when something else comes up, that things are changing all the time and they are growing, so who knows. I said I'd love to do some volunteering with them and there is actually an event in October. She was quite excited about that and said it will be good for everyone to get to know me better and me to understand the organization better. So, all in all, I feel quite positive about it. Don't get me wrong- I would've loved the job, but I got some practice in interviewing and now have a chance to volunteer there and meet new people and help out. Everything happens for a reason, doesn't it.

That time of year again...

Convocation Hall, Kings Edgehill School

(and yes, I wore that uniform for 6 years!)

It's that time of year again - summer is winding down, back to school sales have started already (isn't it getting earlier each year?!!!), and everyone's gearing up to get back to it. Even though its been years since I was in school (8 to be exact), I still get that September feeling - the anticipation of something new and exciting, the change in the weather, the promise of adventure. I grew up on the campus of Kings Edgehill School - the oldest private school in Canada - where my dad has been teaching forever, he starts his 40th year next month. He met my mom when she was teaching at the girls school (Edgehill, before they joined together) and they lived on the campus until I was 18. We were so lucky to grow up on the campus- it was safe and a huge playground to fill with our imaginations and adventures!

I remember climbing all the trees on the field outside our house, watching the initiation mud run for all the new students, going for walks in the woods with my mom and dad and siblings and friends, skating on the pond (birthplace of hockey!!), sledding down the front hill in the winter, riding my bike around all summer when everyone had gone home, teaching myself to kick with my left foot on the soccer field outside our house, playing tennis and ball hockey, learning to skateboard, my brother's treeforts, my mom's huge garden, every door knob in the house for some reason, my lovely little room, all the secret hideaways in our old house (over 100 years old!), our wonderful old house in general, the leaf pile every fall...so many things.

I've decided that if I could find a way, I would go to school for the rest of my life. (I think I always get this way in September.) Enough of this working life malarky, I want to spend my days learning new things, writing, reading, researching, just escaping behind books and lectures. Going to art school, learning photography, a new language, how to build a shelf or fix a car, how to cook more things, how to illustrate children's books, how to be a yoga instructor, more about the history of all the different cultures around the world. There are so many things! Maybe I need to sign up for a course just to use my brain again. I wasn't even that happy at university, but it wasn't the learning that I didn't enjoy. If only we could go to school and still collect a pay check...wouldn't that be heaven?!! Does September make you think of school with longing?

Keeping things in perspective...

from Odelot on Flickr

It's been a hard week, I won't sugar coat it. I've already been on edge lately with applying for new jobs, interviewing, and waiting for news - but this past week it only got tougher. My job is now a place that makes me not only (still) feel angry and frustrated, but also insecure, unsure of myself, and anxious - to get out of there, to not rock the boat, to feel safe again. I already mentioned I was banished from the internet (a story I'm too scared to post because I'm afraid they will find my blog and fire me- yes, I have become paranoid! but I will share it as soon as I can!), which had been my only refuge for this past year. (And I miss blogging so much, I feel so disconnected and its only been a few days!) Not sure what made them decide now that it wasn't appropriate, but it just goes to show how little they really see me in that office. I've always been bored there, with very little to do, so now I have even less and even more time to sit and contemplate things - not a good thing for me. I've been playing phone tag with the woman about the job I had two interviews for, not sure what her verdict is going to be, but I'll be quite happy to simply know an answer - no matter what. I'm busy putting more cover letters together and keep my eyes on the job pages, but I've just been feeling like it cannot. happen. fast. enough.
In the old days, when I was traveling, I would've just left a place that made me feel like this. I wouldn't have tried to make it work, or see how to change my perspective- I would have just made my excuses and evaporated. It seemed so simple that way. No confrontation, no discomfort, no stress. Now, it's time to grow up. I need to deal with it and find a way to be able to cope for as long as needs be. I am going to get out of there, but it may take some time. It may take some discomfort. It may take some faith. I can feel it all there, under the surface, but on top, I just feel fragile. Like this is too hard. But, that's usually when I find my strongest motivation, and the inner strength I need to move forward. Sometimes it has to get so bad that I feel like I'm going to explode before I am brave enough to take the chances I need, to push myself beyond my comfort zone once more. Well, I am officially so ready.
Ready to do whatever I need to in order to find a job that satisfies me on more levels than just filling my bank account. I'm ready to push through the pain and just go for it. I'm ready to find a job I enjoy, where I get to help people, where I get to make a difference, where I am appreciated for what I can do, for making a contribution.

I've been feeling a bit low, a bit shaky, a bit on edge, but walking home tonight from yoga class with a bright pink horizon and beautiful dark blue sky surrounding me, and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, I remembered what life is really about. I found my necessaryand much needed perspective. Life isn't about grumpy people, or insecurities, or finding an escape route- it's about beauty, and simplicity, quiet, and nature. It's about being loved, and being aware of every single moment for the gift that it is. I needed that.

graTefuL fRidAy!!

This week I am grateful for:

• it being friday finally
• getting to sleep in for the next two days
• our new wine glasses from our first dinner guests last weekend!
• our first dinner guests!
• going to Flugtag tomorrow - this is going to be hilarious!
• the sun being out big time
• my yoga classes
• my white skirt
• email from one of my favorite bloggers!
• the Republic Pub we discovered tonight (check out photo of the bar!)
• going out for dinner with my Richard
• our plans coming together slowly for his parents visit next month
• finding more jobs to apply for (still haven't heard anything about the other one)
• the real hope that I will find a new job and get the hell out of this one!
• being virtually banned from the internet at work (stupid story I will tell you once I'm not there anymore - needless to say its motivated me big time to move on)
• my sis' husband being home for a whole weekend (he's been away doing research)
• my nieces getting reayd to start school and being excited about it!
• my sister in law getting her own time back after being a stay at home mom
• the English Premiere League (soccer) starting tomorrow morning - someone in my house is very happy!
• getting a chance to see some of our friends this weekend
• Pride and Prejudice, the BBC production - I could watch this a million times and never get sick of it (thanks Mom!) Or the new one too!

I'll stop now, getting carried away. I hope you all have a great weekend too!!

Poetry Thursday

heavenly shower by Pink Hibiscus on flickr

This week's totally optional post on Poetry Thursday is to do what we want - and I found a great place to play with poetry. Of course, I found it through Sark's website, but I am now officially addicted. It's the Magnetic Poetry website!! I've always seen these on other people's fridge's, even spent many a moment playing with them and being silly, but this site is great! And so addictive!! It lets you try out all the different types of sets and see what you can come up with. I liked closing my eyes and just seeing what random words came out! Here are a couple of my own: Pyschadelic Stroke
did we speak?

Too much fun! I'd love to see what you can come up with - send me the link or a copy in the comments if you want.

Sunday (on Monday) Scribblings

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.

What you'll discover will be wonderful.

What you'll discover is yourself.

~Alan Alda~

This week's prompt, "Who else can I still be?". ( I love this prompt!!!)

I can still become a woman who doesn't worry so much. I can still become someone who doesn't end up choking on her own anxiety. I can still become a woman who takes care of her health and loves to exercise. I can still become a woman who doesn't care what other people think and doesn't get caught up in people pleasing. I can still become a woman who is proud of who she is, of the life she has lead and is creating. I can still become someone who doesn't beat herself up so easily. I can still become someone who has been doing yoga for decades. I can still become a yoga instructor. I can still become someone who learns how to meditate and let go, to trust in myself and the Universe. I can become someone who knows peace. I can still become a woman who loves herself unconditionally and easily.

I can still become someone who writes children's books. Who has her own creative outlet in making cards and writing letters and in her journal. Someone who helps young women (and boys too) find their own inner strength and authenticity through journal writing. I can still become a woman who has an impact on others, especially on young kids. I can still become someone who enjoys her job, who is passionate about what she does. Who has figured out who she wants to be in her career.

I can still become a mother. I can still experience that adventure in all its entirety. I still have that to look forward to. I can still become a mother who is calm and not charged up on anxiety. I can still become a wife to the man I love. I can become a home owner, someone who has a garden to tend to and a place to design. I will still get to create a home for my own family. Maybe even several homes all over the world.

I can still be someone who travels and gets to see the world. I can still become someone who has a passport full of stamps and a memory full of experiences. I can still be someone who helps those in other countries to live a better, fuller life. I can still be someone who can make a difference to those who need it, all over the world.

I can already start to see her in the mirror, just need to be bold and keep plugging away.

For more discoveries, go to Sunday Scribblings

Update on the job situation - was supposed to know by today, but she called to say someo fthe decision makers had been away, so will be by the end of the week, hopefully!! Man, I was all ready to find out as well. Oh well, I'll know soon enough. At least they aren't saying no yet!

Grateful Friday

Glassworks by librairianguish from Flickr

Bit late this week, but can't forget my list! This week I am grateful for:

• my Richard
• all the support I've been getting
• it being a four day week
• it being the weekend already!
• being brave
• our friends Silvina and Mauriano - our first real dinner guests
• our lovely computer
• a few cloudy days
• the sun coming out as we finished work today
• having a good cry last night, think I needed it
• Rich getting off work early
• IKEA
• my journal
• juicy nectarines
• the Atlantic Trap and Grill for dinner (local East Coast pub)
• actually being a bit homesick- doesn't happen often!
• having no plans this weekend
• our road trips last weekend
• avocados
• getting into Grey's Anatomy finally (never watched this show till the re-runs this summer, but see what all the talk is about!)
• my yoga class
• my sister and her hubby's first anniversary on Sunday - what a wonderful time we had last summer being altogether with them
• my dad feeling much better

What are you grateful for?!!

Poetry Thursday

This week's totally optional prompt on Poetry Thursday is "Unfinished Conversations". I've actually written one of my own, probably one of the only poems I've ever written - so be gentle. I saw the prompt and instantly thought of a destroyed friendship. A friend I met when I first started traveling- through a series of coincidences, we ended up at the same place at the same time and became instant friends. We helped each other through the adventure of being so far away from home and built a strong friendship based on being dependent on each other for support and guidance. It felt healthy at the time, but really wasn't in any way. After we came home, she went to university and headed down that road, while I kept traveling and learning more about myself that way. Once I fell in love, the balance in our relationship was unhinged. I was always the one who was desperate and alone and afraid to take chances. She was the one who came to my rescue - we always found a way to twist things to keep both sides feeling useful. I got brave and went overseas again and found my own strength, my authentic self, and then met Rich, so I didn't need her anymore. Things went down hill from there.
(You know what was always the biggest bone of contention between us - money. From day one. She came from a family with very full pockets and bank accounts (who had worked hard for it too, so I don't blame them), while I was struggling under the weight of student loan debt. We could never see eye to eye and it caused too many rifts to even bother repairing. What is that?)
I've struggled to let it go and move on, to forgive myself for what I was going through when we were friends, to forgive her for ignoring me and criticizing who I was. The actual destruction is a long story, which I don't feel like going into, but it's time to let it go and move on. I still get angry, even just thinking about it makes me mad. It's mostly because I know she out there with a distorter view of who I am, of who I've become. I have to accept that, and trust that I am ok just as I am, no matter what she thinks. Have you ever lost a friendship you thought was there for good?

Words Never Said

Strangers in a strange land,
Finding each other
When we felt most alone.
We spent so many hours on the phone,
In our living room and cafes,
Drinking tea, dancing,
Laughing, crying,
Growing,
Dreaming,
Wondering.

Teaching and learning from each other.
New experiences shared,
Old experiences unraveled.
We were going to be there for each other,
No matter what.
When we were gray and old and stiff,
We were going to lean on each other.
Until you were gone.

The silence was so hard
After so much support and love.
You turned away
Without explanation,
Without warning.
We were best friends,
Inseparable,
Tied through understanding,
Through unbreakable friendship.

I saw your face through the window
On the bus.
It had been two years and no word.
Life had taken us inevitably
Down different roads,
But I wasn't ready to let go.
I still thought we could go back.

The words in your letter
Cut deep and have left scars.
They'll heal,
But I may always wonder
How things could change so much.
How things could be seen
In such a different light.
How you could forget
All the good and only see the bad?
I still want to shout
At you for deserting me.
For seeing me as someone I'm not.

Ours was an unhealthy relationship
At the best of times.
But I am grateful for
What you did give me,
The love and the acceptance,
The belly laughs and dancing,
As well as the hurt and awareness
That I couldn't go on as I was,
As we were.

I'll hold all our memories
Close to my heart,
But I'm letting you go.
I don't need you anymore.
I don't need the guilt or the regret.
I forgive you, as well as myself,
And I'm not going to
Apologize for who I was,
Or who I have become.