Monday, May 29, 2006

Sunday Scribblings - First Love

I have many loves (writing, reading, chocolate, my family, food in general, getting mail, etc etc), but when I read the post, this was what came to mind.

I was 18 and thought I was in Love. He was 17, we had a summer fling that felt dramatic and alive and real- like what I thought Love was supposed to be. He knew exactly what to say to make me feel adored and special, beautiful. (The fact that he's in politics now just goes to show how good he was at convincing me!) I left in September for university, my first year. He stayed at home to finish highschool- because of this part of me stayed behind, too. He was the first boy to give me the butterflies in the stomach, to make me wonder if love really felt this good, the ache of missing someone, the excitement of a phone call, a letter. He was also the first boy to show me what betrayal, doubt, and a broken heart felt like. I fell for his words, for his apparent awe of who I was, of his attention to my family and friends, and I kept forgiving him- even when my friends were adamant that he had been with someone else and that I was too good for him. I didn't want to be alone- Love to me felt like fear, doubt, sacrifice, and shame...little did I know then that wasn't my first Love.

My first Love was/is R, the man I'm going to marry next year. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it's true. I'm a romantic and couldn't imagine giving my heart up too easily to anyone- until I met him. He intrigued me from first glance. I love him more everyday and am in awe of what Love really feels like. No fear, no doubt what so ever- just pure bliss, authenticity, honesty, passion, acceptance, and so much laughter! He's my partner in crime, in life. This is a post I wrote about him last month- it sums up everything I could say about my first (and only) Love.

On a another note, saw "Family Stone" and "DaVinci Code" over the weekend- would highly recommend both. "Family Stone" made me cry when I least expected it, and had my laughing hysterically as well- so worth seeing. A great take on families and acceptance and all that. And the "DaVinci Code" wasn't as bad as I had heard, thankfully. I'd been really looking forward to this, and it was a good watch. I can see the problems the critics had, but I still enjoyed it. Go see it!


gkgirl said...

loved your sunday scribblings...
found some of me
in you...

and family stone?
i loved!

~Kathryn~ said...

oh that beautiful butterflies in the stomach feeling

loved reading this

paris parfait said...

First loves are so often wonderful, then they introduce us to pain. Sigh. But I'm glad you found your true love and hope you have a fabulous, magical life together, full of joy! :)

Maggie said...

Oh M, I love you so much more every time I read your blog. This glimpse into your life (and heart) was so beautifully described. I know exactly how you feel, and I'm so glad that you found someone who is your TRUE first love. xoxo

Susannah said...

this is so sweet - the pain of before now healed with the true love of the now..... you are a lucky girl, sweet pea :-)

papyrus said...

Well, they do say the course of true love never runs smooth and I guess you found that out. Glad to see it all worked out okay in the end.