Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Some Days...

artwork by R (yes, my R!!)

Most days I'm really good at keeping it all at bay when I'm at work - the boredom, the frustration, the monotony, the anger and the fear. I can keep them all outside the door and easily get on with my day. But there are some days when they walk right through the door behind me in the morning and I can't get rid of them. That was today. I felt deflated and exasperated, just so tired of having to come up with something to do. I know it's my hormones and being tired, but that still doesn't make it any easier. I'm always hoping they will give me stuff to do, but today I wanted to throw it back at them and tell them to do those stupid things themselves! Do you need me to hold your hand too?? Yes, I'm getting bitter. It's definitely time to move on. I can so relate to Ruby's post - feeling like I'm treading water sometimes. But a change is a comin', I just gotta be patient. Let go, and trust.
I am loving the painting that R did this week!! I'm so amazed at his creativity, all the time. He just decided that we needed some colour in our flat, bought some canvases and off he went. He had a "plan", but not really, he started with that and just went with the flow. There is so much I can learn from him. I scare too easily when it comes to art - I need it to look exactly like what's in my mind, or else I get frustrated. He started and waited to see what wanted to come out. Much easier. I can take some lessons from his art and put it towards all aspects of my life. I am so lucky to have him. Sigh.

4 comments:

Madeleine said...

what a telented man R is!! wow.

i know how you feel about treading water sometimes. i understand the frustration at not being exactly where you want to be. but you ARE changing things, and before you know it you'll be where you want to be.
it's just timing, now that you have started the ball to to move.
i hate my job , some days, and keep telling myself that i must change this....but i'm still there.
life has a way of swallowing our time. we nned more hours.
it's difficult to feel motivated and inspired at times, but we musn't allow the guilt to kick in. things flow at their own pace..when the time is right and all things are in place.

you are going great guns...and soon will have a new job which you love. you just see what else will then change.
the energy will shift and we won't be able to stop you!!!

love ya bunny xxx

meghan said...

wow - beautiful! I'm sorry you're so frustrated. But tell me - does this mean that we are both with artist englishmen?! weird! xoxo

Susannah Conway said...

you guys are so cute i just want to hop through the screen and give you both a hug.... ahhh :-) the painting is fantastic! hang in there with work - something fantastic is just round the corner for you.... i can smell it :-) xx

jojo said...

hey girl,
I know what you mean. blank canvases are scary. this is great. how lucky for you to have creativity in your partner. and (I am sure) your creative soul was what attracted him to you for sure. this is such a nice soothing, but truly lively color. this shall make furniture hunting even funner. having a piece to plan around. something that speaks to you and at the same time is you (and R). an extension of your creativity. so my 2 cents for furniture. measure your flat wall to wall room to room and write down all the dimensions for each room. and also wall areas where you want to hand things... keep it with you all the time. and when you come across something you will have a better idea if it will fit - this is regarding your furniture post a while back.

i hear you on the invaders (fear, anger, monotony). sometimes you need a space suit =)