Book Meme, my version

Bodelian Library (one of my favroites!) from Stuart Yeates, on Flickr

One book that changed your life- I don't know if I can narrow it down to one. Time Traveler's Wife, Poisonwood Bible, God of Small Things, Alanna, Dorothy Dunnet, Eat Pray Love,

One book you have read more than once - the Alanna Books, The Song of the Lioness Series (four in the series); about a girl who disguises herself as a boy to become a knight in a world created by the author. She is willing to do whatever it takes to become a knight of the realm and make a difference in the lives of those around her. She meets some wonderful friends who help her along the way, gets to fall in love, even grows up to become a mother. Her incredible determination and passion help her achieve her goals and she becomes one of the strongest knights in the realm, even once her true identity has been revealed. I wanted to be her, to know what she wanted and be passionate enough to go for it. I still want this! I've read and re-read the whole series about 10 times between when I was 14 and now. I can still read them and love them. These books got me reading again after being frightened away from it when I was 7 years old, scary teacher I think. I think all young girls should read them. My daughters will! Maybe I'll go read them now!

One book you would want on a desert island - Jane Austen's Complete Works or Shakespeare's Complete Works

One book that made you laugh - anything by Bill Bryson, but especially his travel books about England and the one about moving to America, and the one about Australia- actually, anything by Bill Bryson! Laugh out loud funny. He's one of those people I'd love to have lunch with, pick his brain.

One that made you cry - My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult, wow did I ever cry over this one. It made me really miss my sisters and wish I could see them more often.

One book you wish had been written - a book about what you can do after your graduate university and don't know what to do! A guide for life. A book that can tell me what job I would be most happy and fulfilled with, as well as best suited for.

One book you wish hadn't been written - I agree with Susannah on this one, every book that's been written has given us something. If only a yard stick to measure good and bad books by, they have given us something. But then again, Old Man and the Sea was one of the more painful ones I had to read in school that I could have done without.

One book you're currently reading - I'm reading History of Love by Nicole Kraus and would highly recommend it. It's made me laugh out loud in some parts and want to cry in others. It's about an old man who survived the Holocaust and a young girl trying to deal with her father's death and help her mother with her grief. And all of it surrounds a book called the History of Love. Go find it! Everything else has been put on hold till I finish this one.

One book you loved as a kid - Go Dog Go, by P.D. Eastman. I loved the picture of the dogs up n the tree having a party. Or The Paperbag Princess, by Robert Munsch - gotta love girl power! Children's books that I would love to write.

One book that is your all time favorite (this year) - A Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger. This book was amazing, it touched me on so many levels and was such a breath of fresh air in its originality and creativity. The story comes out of an unrealistic premise of being able to travel through time, but I felt like it was really possible after reading this! It must be! And the characters were so real to me, I wanted to go out for dinner and wine with them and learn more about their story. It made me laugh, it made me cry. I want everyone I know, and everyone I don't know, to read this! It is a must. My favorite book of all time changes, so I'm sure I'll find more to add to the list!

I love reading, I love the escape, the journey, the lessons, the ideas and creativity you witness through someone else's words and imagination. I love celebrating how something goes into writing smoething and going through the process to get it on a shelf for me to read. I love going to the library and leaving with my arms loaded with books, even the ones that smell like dust and mildew. I love going to a bookstore and getting lost for hours in all the different sections and titles. What would we do without books?!! They are as important to me as music, maybe even more so. Maybe it's a tie...

Sunday Scribblings

Grover, brought to you by Sesame Street

This week's prompt - Monster.
My first thought when I read the prompt was that a Monster had to be something scary, but I don't think mine is. It definitely had its moments, but in general, I'm so grateful that it's been and is still a part of me. My monster is the Travel Bug.

I traveled a lot with my family when I was young. My mom is American, so we would drive down to Virginia every other year to visit her family. We also traveled around eastern Canada, but the Travel Bug didn't come alive inside of me until I left home and started to travel on my own. My first big trip was to San Francisco for the summer during university to stay with my aunt and uncle. I had never gone so far away all on my own before, so this was a big step. My life changed dramatically that summer - my eyes were opened, my confidence came alive, and I knew that I had to see as much of the world as I could. And now was the time, before I had too many responsibilities. I was bitten, hard, and fell under the hold of the Travel Bug big time! Nothing else mattered anymore, I need to get on a plane and fly far away. Traveling felt like such a great way to run away from the parts of my life and myself that I didn't like; to be someone totally different and free from comparisons and expectations, a way to avoid all responsibilities and just be, just see how the world worked and how I fit into it. I could go somewhere new and start over, as many times as I wanted to. I was totally convinced this was the way I wanted to live my life. My Monster was in total control.

Of course, I realized pretty quickly that you can never run away from yourself, from who you are or your responsibilities. Expectations never go away, they just change. And I was faced with a whole set of new issues. I was amazed at how much "stuff" came up while I was on my first adventure in the UK, away from home for 2 years. I think my parents are still paying for some of the many phone calls I made in tears from phone booths across England! I had removed everything familiar and all the walls I had hid behind for so many years- now I was faced with all those issues I had been avoiding for so long. And as hard as I tried to run away, from town to town, from one job to another, I finally realized I had to sit down and deal with it all. I came home and went into therapy and tried to settle down for a while. The Travel Bug was having none of that though!

I was on a plane again, less than two years later. I couldn't find a way to get comfortable back home in Canada- I moved four times in two years. Trying to find something that felt right, that felt like it did when I was overseas, but it was futile. I knew deep down my traveling days were not over yet. I took a job back in my hometown, at the private school I had gone to- working as a house parent in the residence and substitute teaching. It was a great way to save money and helped me buy my plane ticket for Australia. There wasn't one day while I was home that I didn't try to come up with a way to get back out there, to escape once again. Not one single day. Traveling was freedom to me and I wasn't ready to sacrifice that sensation for any sort of "normal" life - even if I had student loans to pay or career ideas to explore. I liked myself better when I was a foreigner, when I was traveling, when I had nothing tying me down and no one around me who didn't understand me. As a backpacker, I was amongst people who were all going through the same thing, who were all running away from something, who were all there to explore life to the fullest while they had the chance - it was completely addictive!!

Everything changed as soon as I met and fell in love with Richard. It was then that I finally stated to think settling down might have some benefits. But luckily we both loved to travel and due to immigration circumstances, we continued to do so for another couple years. And we both look forward to traveling with our children and there are still some continents left for us to explore. South America, all of Europe, maybe even Africa one day. The Travel Bug made me do some crazy things, even make some irrational decisions sometimes, but it also helped me be brave and take chances. It gave me the push I needed to go after something different and I will forever be grateful for its help in becoming who I am today.
Some monsters aren't all that bad.
For more Sunday Scribblings, go here.

Grateful Friday!

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run

than outright exposure.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

- Helen Keller-

I actually missed my first grateful friday - guess that's what happens when you have a life and aren't allowed on the computer at work! I couldn't go without it though, so here it is.

This week I am grateful for:

• my R finishing his night shifts!!!
• being able to go back to a "normal" life for now
• having remembered that I don't mind spending time with myself
• my yoga classes
• walking to work for over three months now!
• the excitement and promise of fall
• the beautiful weather we are still having - how lucky have we been! no rain really since June started
• getting through another week of work without too many tears
• feeling positive about not getting the job and looking forward to the opportunities its going to open regardless
• being brave and sending out my CV to a couple more places
• knowing I will be on holiday in three weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• getting our holiday (almost) all sorted out and finding some nice places to stay
• getting to talk to my little sis
• my other little sis getting to her new home at uni in one piece
• my brother and the kids starting another new school year relatively unscathed
• the Brand New Heavies cd
• our clean flat
• a nice weekend to wander around our city with no purpose
• clean clothes!
• new canvases to paint - my turn now!
• my friend Kathleen and her kind words
• getting time to write - brainstorming children's stories I can write while I'm at work (must be a reason why I'm not allowed on the computer and don't have anything to do right?)
• my love handles - can't seem to get rid of them so I might as well love em!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!!!

Poetry Thursday

I stole this idea from Becca - I love it! It pulls out the words you use most in your blog. And you can have it made into a tshirt too - how cool is that!! I know this week's prompt was time, but I have just had too much of it on my hands today and don't want to think about it anymore. But this list of words is a poem in itself...maybe?

I found out that I didn't get the job today, finally. I had a really good chat with the woman I'd interviewed with and she said they had a really hard time deciding but gave it to someone who's be working there for 5 years. She had showed them the commitment, etc., but that it wasn't anything against me. She wants to keep my CV on file and call me when something else comes up, that things are changing all the time and they are growing, so who knows. I said I'd love to do some volunteering with them and there is actually an event in October. She was quite excited about that and said it will be good for everyone to get to know me better and me to understand the organization better. So, all in all, I feel quite positive about it. Don't get me wrong- I would've loved the job, but I got some practice in interviewing and now have a chance to volunteer there and meet new people and help out. Everything happens for a reason, doesn't it.

That time of year again...

Convocation Hall, Kings Edgehill School

(and yes, I wore that uniform for 6 years!)

It's that time of year again - summer is winding down, back to school sales have started already (isn't it getting earlier each year?!!!), and everyone's gearing up to get back to it. Even though its been years since I was in school (8 to be exact), I still get that September feeling - the anticipation of something new and exciting, the change in the weather, the promise of adventure. I grew up on the campus of Kings Edgehill School - the oldest private school in Canada - where my dad has been teaching forever, he starts his 40th year next month. He met my mom when she was teaching at the girls school (Edgehill, before they joined together) and they lived on the campus until I was 18. We were so lucky to grow up on the campus- it was safe and a huge playground to fill with our imaginations and adventures!

I remember climbing all the trees on the field outside our house, watching the initiation mud run for all the new students, going for walks in the woods with my mom and dad and siblings and friends, skating on the pond (birthplace of hockey!!), sledding down the front hill in the winter, riding my bike around all summer when everyone had gone home, teaching myself to kick with my left foot on the soccer field outside our house, playing tennis and ball hockey, learning to skateboard, my brother's treeforts, my mom's huge garden, every door knob in the house for some reason, my lovely little room, all the secret hideaways in our old house (over 100 years old!), our wonderful old house in general, the leaf pile every fall...so many things.

I've decided that if I could find a way, I would go to school for the rest of my life. (I think I always get this way in September.) Enough of this working life malarky, I want to spend my days learning new things, writing, reading, researching, just escaping behind books and lectures. Going to art school, learning photography, a new language, how to build a shelf or fix a car, how to cook more things, how to illustrate children's books, how to be a yoga instructor, more about the history of all the different cultures around the world. There are so many things! Maybe I need to sign up for a course just to use my brain again. I wasn't even that happy at university, but it wasn't the learning that I didn't enjoy. If only we could go to school and still collect a pay check...wouldn't that be heaven?!! Does September make you think of school with longing?

Keeping things in perspective...

from Odelot on Flickr

It's been a hard week, I won't sugar coat it. I've already been on edge lately with applying for new jobs, interviewing, and waiting for news - but this past week it only got tougher. My job is now a place that makes me not only (still) feel angry and frustrated, but also insecure, unsure of myself, and anxious - to get out of there, to not rock the boat, to feel safe again. I already mentioned I was banished from the internet (a story I'm too scared to post because I'm afraid they will find my blog and fire me- yes, I have become paranoid! but I will share it as soon as I can!), which had been my only refuge for this past year. (And I miss blogging so much, I feel so disconnected and its only been a few days!) Not sure what made them decide now that it wasn't appropriate, but it just goes to show how little they really see me in that office. I've always been bored there, with very little to do, so now I have even less and even more time to sit and contemplate things - not a good thing for me. I've been playing phone tag with the woman about the job I had two interviews for, not sure what her verdict is going to be, but I'll be quite happy to simply know an answer - no matter what. I'm busy putting more cover letters together and keep my eyes on the job pages, but I've just been feeling like it cannot. happen. fast. enough.
In the old days, when I was traveling, I would've just left a place that made me feel like this. I wouldn't have tried to make it work, or see how to change my perspective- I would have just made my excuses and evaporated. It seemed so simple that way. No confrontation, no discomfort, no stress. Now, it's time to grow up. I need to deal with it and find a way to be able to cope for as long as needs be. I am going to get out of there, but it may take some time. It may take some discomfort. It may take some faith. I can feel it all there, under the surface, but on top, I just feel fragile. Like this is too hard. But, that's usually when I find my strongest motivation, and the inner strength I need to move forward. Sometimes it has to get so bad that I feel like I'm going to explode before I am brave enough to take the chances I need, to push myself beyond my comfort zone once more. Well, I am officially so ready.
Ready to do whatever I need to in order to find a job that satisfies me on more levels than just filling my bank account. I'm ready to push through the pain and just go for it. I'm ready to find a job I enjoy, where I get to help people, where I get to make a difference, where I am appreciated for what I can do, for making a contribution.

I've been feeling a bit low, a bit shaky, a bit on edge, but walking home tonight from yoga class with a bright pink horizon and beautiful dark blue sky surrounding me, and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, I remembered what life is really about. I found my necessaryand much needed perspective. Life isn't about grumpy people, or insecurities, or finding an escape route- it's about beauty, and simplicity, quiet, and nature. It's about being loved, and being aware of every single moment for the gift that it is. I needed that.

graTefuL fRidAy!!

This week I am grateful for:

• it being friday finally
• getting to sleep in for the next two days
• our new wine glasses from our first dinner guests last weekend!
• our first dinner guests!
• going to Flugtag tomorrow - this is going to be hilarious!
• the sun being out big time
• my yoga classes
• my white skirt
• email from one of my favorite bloggers!
• the Republic Pub we discovered tonight (check out photo of the bar!)
• going out for dinner with my Richard
• our plans coming together slowly for his parents visit next month
• finding more jobs to apply for (still haven't heard anything about the other one)
• the real hope that I will find a new job and get the hell out of this one!
• being virtually banned from the internet at work (stupid story I will tell you once I'm not there anymore - needless to say its motivated me big time to move on)
• my sis' husband being home for a whole weekend (he's been away doing research)
• my nieces getting reayd to start school and being excited about it!
• my sister in law getting her own time back after being a stay at home mom
• the English Premiere League (soccer) starting tomorrow morning - someone in my house is very happy!
• getting a chance to see some of our friends this weekend
• Pride and Prejudice, the BBC production - I could watch this a million times and never get sick of it (thanks Mom!) Or the new one too!

I'll stop now, getting carried away. I hope you all have a great weekend too!!

Poetry Thursday

heavenly shower by Pink Hibiscus on flickr

This week's totally optional post on Poetry Thursday is to do what we want - and I found a great place to play with poetry. Of course, I found it through Sark's website, but I am now officially addicted. It's the Magnetic Poetry website!! I've always seen these on other people's fridge's, even spent many a moment playing with them and being silly, but this site is great! And so addictive!! It lets you try out all the different types of sets and see what you can come up with. I liked closing my eyes and just seeing what random words came out! Here are a couple of my own: Pyschadelic Stroke
did we speak?

Too much fun! I'd love to see what you can come up with - send me the link or a copy in the comments if you want.

Sunday (on Monday) Scribblings

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.

What you'll discover will be wonderful.

What you'll discover is yourself.

~Alan Alda~

This week's prompt, "Who else can I still be?". ( I love this prompt!!!)

I can still become a woman who doesn't worry so much. I can still become someone who doesn't end up choking on her own anxiety. I can still become a woman who takes care of her health and loves to exercise. I can still become a woman who doesn't care what other people think and doesn't get caught up in people pleasing. I can still become a woman who is proud of who she is, of the life she has lead and is creating. I can still become someone who doesn't beat herself up so easily. I can still become someone who has been doing yoga for decades. I can still become a yoga instructor. I can still become someone who learns how to meditate and let go, to trust in myself and the Universe. I can become someone who knows peace. I can still become a woman who loves herself unconditionally and easily.

I can still become someone who writes children's books. Who has her own creative outlet in making cards and writing letters and in her journal. Someone who helps young women (and boys too) find their own inner strength and authenticity through journal writing. I can still become a woman who has an impact on others, especially on young kids. I can still become someone who enjoys her job, who is passionate about what she does. Who has figured out who she wants to be in her career.

I can still become a mother. I can still experience that adventure in all its entirety. I still have that to look forward to. I can still become a mother who is calm and not charged up on anxiety. I can still become a wife to the man I love. I can become a home owner, someone who has a garden to tend to and a place to design. I will still get to create a home for my own family. Maybe even several homes all over the world.

I can still be someone who travels and gets to see the world. I can still become someone who has a passport full of stamps and a memory full of experiences. I can still be someone who helps those in other countries to live a better, fuller life. I can still be someone who can make a difference to those who need it, all over the world.

I can already start to see her in the mirror, just need to be bold and keep plugging away.

For more discoveries, go to Sunday Scribblings

Update on the job situation - was supposed to know by today, but she called to say someo fthe decision makers had been away, so will be by the end of the week, hopefully!! Man, I was all ready to find out as well. Oh well, I'll know soon enough. At least they aren't saying no yet!

Grateful Friday

Glassworks by librairianguish from Flickr

Bit late this week, but can't forget my list! This week I am grateful for:

• my Richard
• all the support I've been getting
• it being a four day week
• it being the weekend already!
• being brave
• our friends Silvina and Mauriano - our first real dinner guests
• our lovely computer
• a few cloudy days
• the sun coming out as we finished work today
• having a good cry last night, think I needed it
• Rich getting off work early
• IKEA
• my journal
• juicy nectarines
• the Atlantic Trap and Grill for dinner (local East Coast pub)
• actually being a bit homesick- doesn't happen often!
• having no plans this weekend
• our road trips last weekend
• avocados
• getting into Grey's Anatomy finally (never watched this show till the re-runs this summer, but see what all the talk is about!)
• my yoga class
• my sister and her hubby's first anniversary on Sunday - what a wonderful time we had last summer being altogether with them
• my dad feeling much better

What are you grateful for?!!

Poetry Thursday

This week's totally optional prompt on Poetry Thursday is "Unfinished Conversations". I've actually written one of my own, probably one of the only poems I've ever written - so be gentle. I saw the prompt and instantly thought of a destroyed friendship. A friend I met when I first started traveling- through a series of coincidences, we ended up at the same place at the same time and became instant friends. We helped each other through the adventure of being so far away from home and built a strong friendship based on being dependent on each other for support and guidance. It felt healthy at the time, but really wasn't in any way. After we came home, she went to university and headed down that road, while I kept traveling and learning more about myself that way. Once I fell in love, the balance in our relationship was unhinged. I was always the one who was desperate and alone and afraid to take chances. She was the one who came to my rescue - we always found a way to twist things to keep both sides feeling useful. I got brave and went overseas again and found my own strength, my authentic self, and then met Rich, so I didn't need her anymore. Things went down hill from there.
(You know what was always the biggest bone of contention between us - money. From day one. She came from a family with very full pockets and bank accounts (who had worked hard for it too, so I don't blame them), while I was struggling under the weight of student loan debt. We could never see eye to eye and it caused too many rifts to even bother repairing. What is that?)
I've struggled to let it go and move on, to forgive myself for what I was going through when we were friends, to forgive her for ignoring me and criticizing who I was. The actual destruction is a long story, which I don't feel like going into, but it's time to let it go and move on. I still get angry, even just thinking about it makes me mad. It's mostly because I know she out there with a distorter view of who I am, of who I've become. I have to accept that, and trust that I am ok just as I am, no matter what she thinks. Have you ever lost a friendship you thought was there for good?

Words Never Said

Strangers in a strange land,
Finding each other
When we felt most alone.
We spent so many hours on the phone,
In our living room and cafes,
Drinking tea, dancing,
Laughing, crying,
Growing,
Dreaming,
Wondering.

Teaching and learning from each other.
New experiences shared,
Old experiences unraveled.
We were going to be there for each other,
No matter what.
When we were gray and old and stiff,
We were going to lean on each other.
Until you were gone.

The silence was so hard
After so much support and love.
You turned away
Without explanation,
Without warning.
We were best friends,
Inseparable,
Tied through understanding,
Through unbreakable friendship.

I saw your face through the window
On the bus.
It had been two years and no word.
Life had taken us inevitably
Down different roads,
But I wasn't ready to let go.
I still thought we could go back.

The words in your letter
Cut deep and have left scars.
They'll heal,
But I may always wonder
How things could change so much.
How things could be seen
In such a different light.
How you could forget
All the good and only see the bad?
I still want to shout
At you for deserting me.
For seeing me as someone I'm not.

Ours was an unhealthy relationship
At the best of times.
But I am grateful for
What you did give me,
The love and the acceptance,
The belly laughs and dancing,
As well as the hurt and awareness
That I couldn't go on as I was,
As we were.

I'll hold all our memories
Close to my heart,
But I'm letting you go.
I don't need you anymore.
I don't need the guilt or the regret.
I forgive you, as well as myself,
And I'm not going to
Apologize for who I was,
Or who I have become.

The journey is the destination

untitled by Rosemary found on Flickr

There seems to be a lot of energy and contemplation running around my blogging world this week. Posts about not taking things for granted, for living in the moment and being present. Posts about our bodies, about being completely accepting of ourselves no matter what, loving ourselves unconditionally and treating ourselves as well as we treat others. Lots of big thoughts, real thoughts, about life and living it to its fullest. It all leaves me in awe, really. Of what incredible women you all are, and how amazing life is.
My mind has been thinking a lot about how there is no destination that I should be striving for - that life is about just enjoying the journey and seeing that as my destination instead. I've spent so much of my life waiting for something to happen to fix things or make it all better, using that as an excuse not to act, but I'm not going to do that anymore. I struggle trying to find the balance between accepting myself and my life as it is right now and finding a way to grow into the woman I want to become. At what point do you stop saying its ok and start making a change? At what point do you stop trying to change things and just be?

I'm going to keep learning how to love myself as authentically as possible. I'm going to keep learning how to stay in the moment and be fully present at every opportunity. I'm going to continue to do my Grateful Friday lists and appreciate everything I have and the blessings I continue to receive. And I'm going to make sure my loved ones know how much they mean to me and how lucky I am to have each of them in my life, all the time!! And of course, take it one day at a time...don't want to put too much pressure on myself all at once, now do I!!

Go read Meg's post and Ruby's too, Rachel's and Liz's and Michelle's posts for more thoughts on all of this. Just by talking about these issues, we are all making it easier to understand and to voice what we are experiencing, it's amazing stuff!!

Sunday Scribblings and Photos

Sea to Sky Highway, heading south to Vancouver

Pemberton

Green Lake, Whistler

Here are some photos from our weekend adventures! We had a great time driving around our area, seeing more of what a gorgeous place it is here. Saturday we took our Argentinian friends (who are too much fun!!) to Cultus Lake park for a picnic and wade in the water. We drove around Fraser Valley, looking at the beautiful farms and scenery with the mountains all around. Ice cream and a stop for beer topped off the day. We came home to the fireworks finale, which meant driving around for over and hour trying to get to our building, as all the roads were shut for the event! Too funny!! Rich also drove for the first time in Canada, on the other side of the road and car and did great!! It was so nice to share the driving with someone.

On Sunday, we got up and drove up the Sea to Sky Highway through Squamish and up to Whistler and the little town of Pemberton just passed it. Not much happening there, but the scenery was amazing!! We had a picnic near some waterfalls, keeping all our garbage together to keep the bears away. Stopped in Whistler for a quick visit - the ski hill is now a playground for serious mountain bikers. I've never seen anything like it! The jumps were unbelievable!! And they all had armour on, something new to me! The drive back was gorgeous, the bright blue sky and mountains with green and snow - we couldn't take enough photos really. I can't wait till his parents get here in September and we can show them all of these beautiful places and more. Let's hope for sunny days then too!! Look what we missed while we were away...

This week's Sunday Scribblings prompt - "Who I might have been?" I've done a 10 minute timed writing...

Who would I have been if I hadn't been born in Windsor, Nova Scotia - a town of 3000 people? Would I have wanted to travel if I had grown up in a big city like Vancouver? Would I have still had the desire to see the world and learn what's really out there?
If I had never gotten on that plane to go to San Francisco for the summer to live with my aunt and uncle, I may never have contracted the Travel Bug and seen what opening myself up to a bigger world really felt like. Who would I have been without all of those stamps in my passport and that experience under my belt? I never would have met Rich or all my wonderful friends from all over the world. I may never have learned who I am and who I want to be, at least not on the same level, if I had stayed somewhere safe.
I might have stayed in my small town, found a nice local boy and settled down, raised a family, become a teacher, and enjoyed a quiet life. I may have moved to a city, started a life there working in publishing and editing novels. Maybe I would have found another way to help people- a counselor or psychologist.

Who would I have been if I had been born in England or somewhere in Europe? Or if I had been born in a different century- maybe the 16th or 18th century instead? Would I have let my life be ruled by men or been there to help make a change? Who would I have been if I was born as a man? What sort of man would I have become?
Who might I have been if I had never gone to university to avoid being in debt? Would I still be able to find a good job? Would I miss having had those experiences?
This prompt seems to have only opened up more questions than answers!! Makes me think how little decisions can make a big difference just as much as life changing ones.

Grateful Friday

Trinity St., Cambridge from lovemaus on Flickr

Can't believe it's friday again already, wow. We get a long week as well and I am so ready for it!!

This week I'm grateful for:

• R having four nights (and days) off in a row!!
• it being a long weekend - love 3 day weekends
• finding out I have a second interview for that fabulous job next week!
• being able to relax and just enjoy my time off (hopefully)
• renting a car and getting out of town
• the hiking were going to be doing
• the sunshine we're having and a good forecast for the weekend
• big fireworks finale tomorrow night
• getting to see our friends
• talking to my nieces and nephew last night - so cute, so grown up!
• my new book
• new music for my iPod (I love KT, lost her stuff when we got a new computer)
• my little sis sounding so happy to be back in civilization again
• my other little sis and brother getting to spend a week together (so jealous!)
• a new month, full of new possibilities
• my yoga classes
• re-connecting with a friend from my early traveling days - yeah Rebecca!
• R having a productive week at work finally
• getting to talk on Messenger with my friend in Halifax everyday this week!
• emails from my mom's family
• all the support I'm getting about my hope to find a new job (thank you everyone!)
  What are you Grateful for?!?!

poetry thursday

She is Love, by Oasis

Oh when the sunshine beckons to ya
And your wings begin to unfold
The thoughts you bring and the songs you sing
Are gonna keep me from the cold

And if the sword is here among ya
And its words may wound my soul
You can fill me up with what you've got
Cos my heart's been keeping old

She is love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe her when she speaks
Love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe, I do believe her when she speaks

You're in all my thoughts of passion
And the dreams of my delight
Whatever stirs my mortal frame
Will you keep it warm at night

I don't know where you come from
No I haven't got a clue
All I know is I'm in love
With someone who loves me too

She is love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe her when she speaks
Love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe, I do believe her when she speaks
She is love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe her when she speaks

She is love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe, I do believe her when she speaks
I do believe her when she speaks
I do believe her when she speaks
I do believe her when she speaks

Lyrics look funny when you write them down. This is one of my favorite songs. Makes me think of my R and when we were first getting to know each other. I love the fourth verse. Poetry to music, what more could you ask for?

Some Days...

artwork by R (yes, my R!!)

Most days I'm really good at keeping it all at bay when I'm at work - the boredom, the frustration, the monotony, the anger and the fear. I can keep them all outside the door and easily get on with my day. But there are some days when they walk right through the door behind me in the morning and I can't get rid of them. That was today. I felt deflated and exasperated, just so tired of having to come up with something to do. I know it's my hormones and being tired, but that still doesn't make it any easier. I'm always hoping they will give me stuff to do, but today I wanted to throw it back at them and tell them to do those stupid things themselves! Do you need me to hold your hand too?? Yes, I'm getting bitter. It's definitely time to move on. I can so relate to Ruby's post - feeling like I'm treading water sometimes. But a change is a comin', I just gotta be patient. Let go, and trust.

I am loving the painting that R did this week!! I'm so amazed at his creativity, all the time. He just decided that we needed some colour in our flat, bought some canvases and off he went. He had a "plan", but not really, he started with that and just went with the flow. There is so much I can learn from him. I scare too easily when it comes to art - I need it to look exactly like what's in my mind, or else I get frustrated. He started and waited to see what wanted to come out. Much easier. I can take some lessons from his art and put it towards all aspects of my life. I am so lucky to have him. Sigh.