*This is my post from yesterday that I couldn't get to work, I'll do Poetry Thursday later or tomorrow, depending on Blogger.*
Blogger is frustrating me this week- problems with photos coming up and not being able to post or leave comments- it's made me realize how vital this medium is to my day to day life. I see others have been having issues as well, so luckily it's not my computer! I don't like feeling disconnected from my blogging community. And I've also realized how posting allows me a chance to process my thoughts and what I'm going through each week- in a different way than in my journal. It's becoming essential- I may even be bordering on dependency or addiction here!
There have been many posts lately, from Megg and Michelle and Laini and others, that have got me thinking. Thinking about my own need for control, my own lack of commitment to my own needs and pursuing what I love instead of what is easy. Thinking about living a life without anxiety and self-doubt, what that would really be like, if it is even possible. Thinking about having babies and becoming a mom, wanting to raise healthy, happy children, but thinking about how much of a worrier I will be. Thinking about finding a new job, overcoming my loathing of job hunting and finding a way to believe I will find something where I am challenged and creative and useful and appreciated. Thinking about how preoccupied I've become with my shape lately, how unhappy I am with it but how I don't want to have to think too much about what I eat- something I've never really had to do before- I can't deprive myself of my favorite foods, even though I know they aren't always good for me. (I love love love bread, all sorts of bread- low carb would be horrible!) Thinking about learning to love myself exactly as I am at all times, no matter what I weigh, where I'm working, instead of finding more things to beat myself up about.
Too much thinking really. I definitely need to find myself something more to do each day! It's been a beautiful week here, sunshine and warm summer weather- every night down at the beach after work, it's heaven. I'm so lucky to be living here! I've put a bunch of our New Zealand photos on Flickr and put a link on my sidebar, so go check them out. It was fun to go through them again, it felt like I was visiting old friends looking at those places again. It's been fun losing track of time at work while I was doing it as well!
2 comments:
hooray for flickr! now if we could only get blogger to work. i am really growing tired of blogger. all i can offer to your post is "your thinking" is so important. don't ever stop. i think striving to be content is what keeps our zest for life alive. if it was easy, i bet it would be awful boring. That is so great that you journal and blog. I am lucky if I brush my teeth (jk) everyday. It's a journey, glad to hear of my struggles reflected from you. You are not alone. Happy Thursday!
I've really been enjoying your blog! Now I feel like having some fresh, warm, buttered bread while I look at your NZ photos...
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