Grateful Friday!!

Rainbow near Queenstown, NZ 2005

Wow, Friday already!! And it's a long weekend for us as well, Canada Day tomorrow so we get Monday off. I love long weekends, such a treat! I'm feeling immensely better today, after purging my mood on here yesterday. I went to my first yoga class in Vancouver last night and it was absolutely divine. I have always loved doing yoga, even went to class for a year awhile back, but with traveling and whatnot, it's been too long since I've gotten back into it. Honestly, I was afraid of going here, for no good reason. Vancouver is known as Lotus Land, the home of yoga in Canada, and I was feeling intimidated. Luckily, my friend Becky said she wanted to try it, so I got brave and we went to our first class last night. The studio itself was a gift- right by the water, with the windows wide open and you could hear the sea and even smell it. With our breathing, it sounded like the waves were also inside as well as out. I was instantly calm, even before I started the class. Yoga is what my body is meant to be doing. It felt like I was having a conversation with an old friend, or reliving a wonderful dream I'd had. There was no good reason for me not to go before this, I was worrying for nothing, as per usual, but things happen for a reason. Right now was when I was meant to go, and I did, and it's going to make such a difference. I can't wait to go to my next class, maybe tomorrow while R is watching the football with his English friends. Maybe I'll become a teacher one day, who knows. My body is grateful today and I'm so looking forward to seeing where this journey takes me!

Today I am also grateful for:

• the long weekend! Oh Canada...
• it being friday and the accountant being here to make me laugh and give me my wages
• the incredible weather we've been having and that it's only going to continue!
• getting a tan
• my new white fabulous pants from the Gap- on sale, cheap cheap
• feeling a bit sore from yoga last night, knowing my body did something good
• raspberry muffins and ice tea
• peaches and strawberries (local ones!)
• my sis and her hubby getting to go to Paris ( so jealous!!)
• Wimbledon!! (I am going to go watch someday, I am)
• when my R gets home and into bed at night after work, I sleep so much better
• hot baths and bubbles
• my little sis deciding to travel instead of going back to school!! (so supporting this idea!!)
• England playing tomorrow- Come on!
• living so close to the beach and the water
• it almost being lunchtime!
• R not having to go to work till 9pm tonight
• having this time to myself, to learn how to be comfortable on my own again
• feeling better today
• getting to sleep in
• summertime
• getting lost in this book- I am loving historical fiction lately

Don't think I'll be back on here till Tuesday, but we are planning to buy a computer this weekend, so we'll see! Other than plane tickets, this will be our biggest purchase ever as a couple, wow. I'll let you know what happens! Have a great weekend everyone! As Will Smith sang "Summer, summer, summertime, time to sit back and unwind".

Poetry Thursday and questions

Brighton Beachboxes, by dogonnit on Flickr

In
Awe
Wonder
Confusion
Who has the answers?
Will I see that I am the one?

I was inspired by Susannah to try the new Fibs for this week's Poetry Thursday. "I wonder" is a phrase I use all the time, to the point that I'm sure it drives other people around me mad!! That seems to be how my brain operates, something my mom does as well- wondering why, how, when, what if, why not, who about everything- constantly curious. I often don't take it farther than just voicing the question, whereas my mom is on the computer right away, trying to find her answers or asking someone else to help her! This week, I'm wondering how I can be more gentle with myself, more accepting. When I was getting on the plane for my first real trip away from home (going to San Francisco for the summer to live with my aunt and uncle), my mom said to me "everything you need, you have inside you". It's something that has stuck with me ever since. Words that give me strength or sometimes haunt me when I'm doubting myself - like last night.

I was having a meltdown, lying in bed, tears on my face, missing my R and wondering why I am always so hard on myself. Why no matter what I do, it is never enough for me, for that part of me who likes to be negative and nag and undermine my intentions. Do you have a part of you like that? I worry about my weight, so I start to exercise more, but of course, it's never enough. I am finding it really hard to be alone all those hours at night, but hide away from making connections with my friends or even being outside around strangers, and then I beat myself up about it. I always find something wrong with whatever efforts I make. And end up back in mental self-sabotage mode, big time. It doesn't help that this week I'm hormonal and adjusting to our change in routine, or that I miss him terribly, or that I'm tired from not sleeping very well. I wouldn't think of treating a friend like this, so how come I allow it with myself? I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am going to find a way to love myself completely and unconditionally, a way to just be in the moment, totally accepting of all of me. What do you do to feel comfortable in your own skin? To love yourself unconditionally? How do you stop doubting and just be?

I don't mean to be down, just one of those weeks I think. I want a quick fix, but I know that isn't possible. Who would've thought learning to love myself would be the hardest lesson I had to learn.

Dreams of Bicycles

Happiness, it seems to me, consists of two things:

first, in being where you belong,

and second - and best- in comfortably going through everyday life,

that is, having had a good night's sleep and not being hurt by new shoes.

- Theodor Fontaine-

Summer has arrived! It is hot and sunny and the sky is so blue, it's delicious. I'm not a big fan of the heat, but it's not too humid, so it's manageable. I love how the foreigners who are here experiencing their first Canadian summer are so shocked by the heat- like it's impossible or something! Too funny! The world has such a skewed view of my country sometimes, but I'm sure I have one of other places as well.

I spent the whole weekend outside, at the beach with our friends, lounging on the grass over a picnic, and riding our rental bikes around Stanley Park. I was riding the bike in the pic above- I absolutely loved it! I can't remember the last time I was on a bike and it was heaven. It felt so free, like I was a kid again. We're going to start looking for second hand bikes to buy, just to have to cruise around, nothing too heavy. We live in such an ideal spot, surrounded by the seawall and other quiet roads, so why not!

R started working nights this week (7pm-2am), to help his company get a job finished. It's good in the sense that it's pretty easy work for him and he gets paid extra, but I do not like having to spend the whole night on my own. After being at work all day, where I barely have many real conversations, it's so strange to go home and have no one to talk to. Luckily we get to have dinner together or I'd worry about losing my mind! I'm looking forward to having some time on my own, mostly to remember that I can do it and enjoy it, and also to break my bad habit of being so completely dependent on him for so many things. I've become a bit clingy, I still worry he will have to go home or something, so live in the mindset that everything is temporary. Not good. Going to yoga class, or out for a walk with a friend, or to a cafe to write in my journal alone- things I can do and still have a healthy relationship with my wonderful man. Because of our traveling and our situation with visas and not knowing where we were going to end up, we are very close, almost internal sometimes. Then again, we love spending time together, so we don't even notice! But, now that we are settling down, we can both start to explore our passions and try new things and it doesn't always have to be together. It will only be good for us and give us new outlets for creativity and things to share with each other when we get home. These are all new things for me, after being so transient for such a long time. I know some people would kill for so much time alone, but I'm ready to have too much time with people for a change!!

Grateful Sunny Friday!!

NZ Rose Garden, Wellington

I love Fridays- doing my grateful list only helps in making it my favorite day of the week!

This week I'm grateful for:

• this beautiful weather
• that it's officially summer!
• the hot temperatures expected this weekend
• living so bloody close to the beach!!
• the bbq we're going to have on the beach tomorrow
• cold Corona and lime
• my R and how cute he can be when he's tired
• having birthday cake and wine at work today for one of our architects
• the peach oat muffin I discovered this morning
• our night at Shakespeare and getting free coffee for a few days
• the beautiful roses growing outside of our building
• iced tea
• ice cream and gelato and all the flavours!
• my sister's hand getting better as fast as she'd hoped
• my dad finishing another year of school (his 37th!!) and everything going smoothly for the graduation he organizes once again
• my mom's ankle getting better- poor thing stepped wrong and sprained it!
• England making it through to the round of 16 at the World Cup
• finding a way to start turning my brain back on at work and not just feeling sorry for myself
• my big walk with Becky
• the jazz festival starting this weekend
• my new favorite cds - Snow Patrol and Keane
• no more Hockey till the fall!!
• discovering a wonderful independent coffee shop down the street from my office (see my post from yesterday for further explanation
• R getting to start work at his company's new workshop- finally going to be working for the company who hired him (long story,but their workshop burnt down, have been outfitting a new one, farmed all their staff out elsewhere, blah blah blah)
  

What are you grateful for this week?

Looking forward to a weekend full of football (aka soccer) and the beach and spending some time with our friends and with just each other. Isn't that all one really needs??!!! Have a great weekend everyone!

Poetry Thursday

Philostrate: A play there is, my lord, some ten words long,

Which is as brief as I have known a play;

But by ten words, my lord, it is too long,

Which makes it tedious; for in all the play

There is not one word apt, one player fitted.

A Midsummer Night's Dream, V, I

Last night, R and I went down the hill from our flat and took the baby ferry across False Creek to enter the magic that is the Bard on the Beach festival. I cannot say enough how wonderful it was. We got to see "A Midsummer Night's Dream", as seen in the photo above from a pervious performance. Puck was hilarious, the whole thing was actually quite raunchy, it was perfect! The tent opens in the back behind the stage, so you can see the mountains and the water- it's incredible. It was a gorgeous night too, as well as being the first day of summer, so we had a beautiful sunset play a part in the story as well. It's very relaxed and you feel like you've stepped into another world. I loved every second of it. I cannot wait to go again!

I have posted a quote from the play instead of an actual poem this week, simply because Shakespeare to me is poetry. I love how he used words, how timeless his stories are even today, and how magical it is to sit and watch it acted as he had intended- with a modern twist and new interpretation sometimes too!

We actually got free tickets from Starbucks - I know, I was totally shocked too!- as they are one of the major sponsors for this season. There was free coffee and tea (made my Englishman very happy), free snacks to have at the intermission, $5 gift cards when we went in, and even in the play they made references that were hilarious! Quite something to see Helena taking a break to drink her coffee while chasing Demetrius through the woods- even if Starbucks is a corporate evil, it's great to see them helping out something like this. And I was very happy to use my gift card for a drink on the way to work today- I know, I'm a total sucker. Starbucks rules in Vancouver, it's too bad because I really miss some of the funky independent places we found overseas. Competition rarely survives here anymore, unless they are a chain. But I guess we are quite close to the birth place of Starbucks in Seattle.

Belated Sunday Scribblings

bed from Pottery Barn

10 Minute timed writing, this week's prompt "Bed":

Bed is one of my favorite places to be. I love hiding under the covers and ignoring the world. Cuddling with my R, forgetting about reality and to do lists and what time it is. The worst feeling in my world these days is when the alarm goes off and it's time to peel myself out of bed. R gets up much earlier than me, so by the time the buzzer goes, I've sprawled all over and made a cocoon for myself deep in my sheets. Some days I'd much rather live in my dreams than go out into the world! Does anyone else feel that way?
I've slept in a lot of beds, and that's not a reflection of my sex life either! After growing up sleeping in the same bed for over ten years, I began a merry go round when I went away to university that has only just ended. I've slept in tiny twin beds, bunk beds of all shapes and sizes in backpacker hostels, air mattresses in tents and inside, and amazing hotel beds in foreign lands. I adore linens and love looking them up on the internet and drooling. R has always brought me breakfast in bed, at least one day almost every weekend since we've been together. And I do the other day. We love long mornings under the covers, no matter where we are. He's already designed our bed frame- he sent me the drawings as a present when we were forced to live apart. I've always been interested in interpreting dreams, what the images and feelings mean. I used to jump up in the middle of the night and write down everything I could remember about a dream, just to look at it more closely in the daylight.

For more Sunday Scribblings, go here.

Having another fuzzy day today. Must have something to do with Wednesdays. Went for a great long walk after work yesterday with a new friend. It was great to chat with another woman in real life, not just on here! She just gets it and hasn't heard all my stories and queries as much as R has, so it was great to get another woman's perspective on things. Unfortunately, we walked so far, my foot is killing me today! Of course, as soon as I decide to do more exercise, I end up with an injury- seems to happen everytime with me. Must be a method of the self-sabotage I mentioned before! Putting obstacles in front of myself to make it hard to follow through with my physical goals- something I'm very good at. Other types of goals, no problem, but when it comes to changing my body, something always challenges me. I've got very bad ankles, in the sense that I've rolled both over 10 times each, usually around when I've started to enjoy exercising! Of course, too much alcohol played a major factor many times as well! I don't wear high heels because I don't trust my ankles. I have ended up with a bad habit of watching the ground when I'm walking just to make sure I don't step in a hole or on uneven ground. Oh well, I'm not going to let it get me down. ( I say that as I sit here having a cookie!) How do you lovely ladies stay motivated to get fit? What goals or methods keep you going?

Weekend away

Me giving my little sis a pedi on the deck

What a weekend! Moments to remember include a hot tub with my R under the stars, how big that kitchen was, giving my sis a pedicure on the deck of the "Big House" (as we call it), helping her with the little things she struggling with only having one functional hand at the moment (like putting up her hair, helping her put hand cream on the good hand, tying her running shoes), sitting outside watching Shakespeare, picking daisy from the yard, G&T's, being able to be a big sister and be helpful. R was in heaven, watching all the football on a huge 42 inch screen with surround sound. I got to sit out on the deck and read my book, visit with my sis and just enjoy the silence. I forget how loud and crowded it is here in the city, it was hard to sleep the first night without the hum of cars in the background!

view from the deck of the Big House

We got to visit with some old friends of my family's as well, who my sister works with at the private school, so it was good to catch up with them too. I used to babysit their now 16 and 17 year olds- too funny hanging out with them now that they're big. The play did happen outside, which was divine. I do adore Shakespeare and the students performing were hilarious!

the hot tub- what a brilliant spot!!

The only negative moment was when I, stupidly, stood on the scale and saw how much I weigh! It's been a couple years probably since I've been on a scale, so this was quite a shock. So much so, I've spent the day looking up fitness centres in my area, trying to decide which one to join to get my ass in gear again. I knew I'd gained some weight, but that was a wake up call! R stepped on it as well and he's lost too much weight- can we say jealous? He's a string bean, tall and lean, so we're opposites. Our meals will be interesting, trying to cater for our new needs- one trying to slim down, one trying to bulk up. I'm so used to being a traveler, who doesn't have much money for food and luxuries like ice cream and cookies, and who doesn't sit at a desk 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. We do play tennis and I walk to work everyday, but it's time to start taking care of myself, to start believing I can do it and just go for it. I'll probably be using this blog as a place to help me work through my issues with committing to my own physical health- anyone else find they are self-sabotaging towards their own needs?

Grateful Friday

Vancouver Island

image found on Flickr by peter macdonald

Victoria Harbour
image found on Flickr by federicochi

R and I are off to Vancouver Island today to visit with my sis and spend some time in Victoria as tourists. So excited! She's house sitting a $1.5 million pad, with a hot tub, by the ocean- sounds sweet! We're hoping to help her out a bit with her broken hand as well. I'm so ready for some time away from the city, and some pampering as well! R got today off and I get to leave work early (an even bigger bonus!), so we'll get to spend some time in Victoria as well. Going out for dinner and drinks and meeting some of her friends- sounds brilliant! We also get to go to a highschool production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream"- the same play we got free tickets to see next week at the Bard on the Beach here in Vancouver! Too funny!

This week I am grateful for:

• not living in Nova Scotia where it's been raining a lot!
• going away this weekend to see my sis
• getting to leave work early
• the weekend coming quickly
• actually having some "work" to do at work
• fresh fruit
• Cheerios with strawberries
• R getting today off, surprising me with breakfast
• England winning yesterday
• World cup fever! (yes, still!)
• naan bread with hummus full of gralic
• Thai take away
• the sun peaking through the clouds
• getting email from my cousin Jess
• getting my dad's card there on time for Father's Day
• my other sis enjoying her time in Europe (lucky lucky thing!)
• decaf soy lattes- yummy!
• finding new blogs to enjoy- Rachel and Madeleine especially!
• having so many things on this list every week!

Have a great weekend everyone! Hopefully I'll have some photos of my own to share next week!!

Poetry Thursday

Germany has gone Football crazy!

image from ClausM on Flickr

My poem this week is from Michael Ondaatje, one of Canada's most treasured poets and writers. I love his book The English Patient, even more than I love the movie. The poem I've chosen is written in his capacity as a father writing for his daughter, which I found quite fitting for this weekend and Father's Day. You can find the poem here. And go here for more Poetry Thursday entries and inspirations.

Feeling much better today- maybe I just needed to clear my head yesterday or something. I've had a lot to do at work, which has definitely helped and is such a gift. And England won their football game today, so my R will be quite happy, even though the team didn't play very well. It's all about the result for this first round- let's hope they get it together soon! I couldn't believe how emotional I was during the game- I got goosebumps when they came on the field and when I saw pictures of all the flags around the stadium. I was even ready to shed a tear or two when it looked like they might lose- what is going on?? On the other hand, I love it!! England is my second home, where I've felt more at home sometimes than I do here in Canada, so I'm totally behind them. Maybe some of R's Englishness is finally started to seep into my system- I'd love to have an accent! Or at least for our kids too!

Ramblings of a busy mind

And in the end,

it's not the years in your life that count.

It's the life in your years.

-Abraham Lincoln-

I have an active mind- one that often runs on for hours and hours, with no direction or goal, fueled by anxiety and fear and curiosity and wonder. "I wonder if..." is one of the things that comes out of my mouth most often, only a bit less than "I'm worried about...". I grew up in a house of anxious parents and I couldn't help but adapt similar thinking. I don't blame them, I just acknowledge that's where it started.

Being in a job where I don't have anything to do but find things to fill my 8 hours gives me lots of time to think- way too much to be healthy, I think. My thoughts spend a lot of time wondering about what I'd like to do with my life, what I'd like to add or remove, what my dreams are, what being a mom will be like, what sort of job am I really looking for, will I just be as unhappy in something else, why I'm so scared to go after something, how to live a settled lifestyle and still be filled with wonder, and on and on and on and on. I often find once I get home at night that I don't know what I did all day, how I got through it without losing my mind. Or maybe I have because I can't remember how I passed the time. I feel like I live with a cloud over my head or in a bubble sometimes. Does anyone else get this sensation? Some days I'm sure if I just let go and let myself really feel what I've been avoiding all day, I'd completely lose it and end up in a heap on the floor- drowning in my frustrations and confusion and anger and fear.

My life is wonderful, I love my life- all aspects except the career side. I'm blessed to be healthy and have a wonderful man who loves me and who I love immensely, a lovely flat that we share, friends all over the world, a family who supports me and is always there when I need them, a beautiful city to live in, a passport full of stamps and the experiences that went with them, an education, a job that pays the bills- I could go on and on. But for some reason, I want more. Is that a bad thing? And it all comes down to a career, a job (it always comes down to this!!)- finding that perfect job, one that I love to go to (most days at least!), where I'm helping people and making a difference and and being creative and feeling productive and useful and vital to something more than making a profit. After reading Megg's post the other day, I can't stop thinking about "why I'm so afraid to be everything I want to be". Why is it so hard to say out loud what my dreams are? After so many years of stuffing 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts' and 'aren't good enoughs' and 'isn't the right times' and 'can'ts' and 'it won't works' and any other negative judgements I have thought into my mind, I'm too gun shy to admit what my dreams and wishes are. Every time I think something sounds interesting or worth further investigation, I find a way to squash it and prove to myself it won't work- no matter what it is! My excuse for staying in a job that makes me unhappy is that 'I don't know what I want'- it's such a great cop out isn't it?

After reading a post by Jennifer, about how she is learning to use meditation as a way to be more present and calm her mind, I'm intrigued. I've read Jon Kabat-Zinn, but am wondering if you have any recommendations on resources for learning how to meditate and quiet my mind. For learning how to accept where I am and find the strength to change it. To find what my bravest dreams are. And not be afraid to go after them. I've done it before- I wanted to go to the UK and Australia and I made it happen, I overcame all my fears and did it because it was what I wanted. Why can't I find that again?? I would like to be brave, to make a change that makes me feel better, to believe that I can have a job I enjoy and not feel trapped in the working world only trying to make money to survive. Life to me is about so much more than that, yet that's always been the root of my frustrations with finding a satisfying career- wanting more but accepting less. I should take my own life as an example- I didn't want anymore men in my life who were afraid of my magic, who tried to put me down. The day after I wrote that in my journal, I met R- who allows me to be totally me on a daily basis. I didn't want to just know my own backyard well, I wanted to see the world from a new perspective- traveling changed my life. I was brave then, where has it gone?

Summer Soundtrack

English Bay-my neighbourhood (photo by Vancouver Park Board)

Not really sure what to write about today. I just feel like posting something, it's been a few days. My head is full of football (aka soccer) and trying to find something to keep me busy at work, as per usual, so I'm not feeling very inspired.
I can't help but think about summer being here, about going to the beach, about long days full of light, about long walks in the sunshine, about playing tennis and frisbee, about bbqs and late night dinners on the patio with friends, about how much I love this time of year. I still have dreams of living in two hemispheres so I can be in perpetual summer for the rest of my life!

Here are just some of my favorite summer treats, sounds, eats:

- Jack Johnson
- walking in the sand on the beach
- the sound of the ducks on a lake
- eating outside, laughing with friends for hours
- the smell of suntan lotion
- Breaks Co-op
- fresh fruit and veggies
- farmers markets
- waking up when it's light out
- ice cream and gelato!!
- reading in the grass
- picnics
- the flowers
- June bugs bouncing off the screen in the window
- going sea kayaking
- the sound of children playing
- strawberry shortcake
- bbqs!!!
- David Gray
- chill out music

I do love making me a list! Anyone have anything else to add? Things you cannot go without or look forward to in the summertime?

edit: I can't believe I forgot FlipFlops! Check out the comments for more wonderful summer treats!!

Poetry Thursday/ Grateful Friday!

art in the park at Rotorua, NZ

This week I've chosen a poem by Robert Frost, you can find it here. I am going to do the prompt from Poetry Thursdays, I just haven't been around other people too much this week- other than work and architectural poetry has yet to take off. And all R and I have been talking about is the World Cup! The beautiful game, sigh. (I've been watching it all morning on tv at work, so so so excited!!)

I'm so happy Blogger is healthy again. I had a horrible thought that if it crashed completely, how would we all find each other again? If I didn't have your blogs to go to, I'd be lost, I'm sure. I'm so grateful for this medium and for all of you!!

And more things I'm grateful for this week are:

• that Friday feeling!!
• football mania!! (aka soccer)
• having a tv at work and a Czech boss who loves football, so we can watch it all
• R getting to go watch the first England match with some other English guys, not just his Canadian fiance
• talking for ages on the phone with my best friend last night
• Shan's birthday this weekend!
• the sunny weather we were having- please come back!
• getting lost in this book
• my little sister getting back home after a painful journey through several airports, flight delays and more with a broken hand (from rugby- crazy game!)
• my other sis getting safely to Europe and hopefully having a good time
• Maggie getting home safely
• learning how to use Flickr and getting some of our travel photos on there
• my dad having his track meet to get excited about
• R's parents booking their tickets for September to come visit- it's really happening!
• the finals for the French Open are this weekend!
• loving the new Snow Patrol cd
• mangos and avocado in my salads
• fresh strawberries- love the juice running down my chin
• eating better in general
• our landlords
• finding this new site- so much fun!
• my new clothes and feeling funky!
• summertime and all it means

Have a great weekend everyone- enjoy it whatever you end up doing!!

My new addiction

*This is my post from yesterday that I couldn't get to work, I'll do Poetry Thursday later or tomorrow, depending on Blogger.*
Blogger is frustrating me this week- problems with photos coming up and not being able to post or leave comments- it's made me realize how vital this medium is to my day to day life. I see others have been having issues as well, so luckily it's not my computer! I don't like feeling disconnected from my blogging community. And I've also realized how posting allows me a chance to process my thoughts and what I'm going through each week- in a different way than in my journal. It's becoming essential- I may even be bordering on dependency or addiction here!

There have been many posts lately, from Megg and Michelle and Laini and others, that have got me thinking. Thinking about my own need for control, my own lack of commitment to my own needs and pursuing what I love instead of what is easy. Thinking about living a life without anxiety and self-doubt, what that would really be like, if it is even possible. Thinking about having babies and becoming a mom, wanting to raise healthy, happy children, but thinking about how much of a worrier I will be. Thinking about finding a new job, overcoming my loathing of job hunting and finding a way to believe I will find something where I am challenged and creative and useful and appreciated. Thinking about how preoccupied I've become with my shape lately, how unhappy I am with it but how I don't want to have to think too much about what I eat- something I've never really had to do before- I can't deprive myself of my favorite foods, even though I know they aren't always good for me. (I love love love bread, all sorts of bread- low carb would be horrible!) Thinking about learning to love myself exactly as I am at all times, no matter what I weigh, where I'm working, instead of finding more things to beat myself up about.

Too much thinking really. I definitely need to find myself something more to do each day! It's been a beautiful week here, sunshine and warm summer weather- every night down at the beach after work, it's heaven. I'm so lucky to be living here! I've put a bunch of our New Zealand photos on Flickr and put a link on my sidebar, so go check them out. It was fun to go through them again, it felt like I was visiting old friends looking at those places again. It's been fun losing track of time at work while I was doing it as well!

Sunday Scribblings

Memory is a child walking along a seashore.

You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up

and store away among its treasured things.

~Pierce Harris, Atlanta Journal~

We do not remember days; we remember moments.

~Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand~

This week's prompt is "earliest memory". I decided to do a timed writing after being totally overwhelmed with memories when I read this! Anyone else find that happened- trying to decide which one to write about??

My earliest memories are of my family and my home, where I grew up. I remember my room, with the brass bed and stitched animals on my wallpaper that I used to trace with my finger when I was trying to sleep. I remember my dad coming home to tell us we had a new baby sister - I can still picture him coming up the front walk! I remember almost being hit by a car when I was about 4 and how scared my mom and grandmother (we called her Gan Gan, for some reason!) were, how that turned to anger and then just big hugs. I just wanted to get across the street to where they were. I remember learning how to read at school, the moment when I could see that c-i-t-y was city. I remember having breakfast at the kitchen table every morning with my brother and my parents, my mom cooking it up. How we used to turn the oven on and open it to warm ourselves up in the winter. I remember so many details of my old house, like it was a close friend. The campus of the private school where I grew up was my playground- riding my "horse" (aka my bike) around, playing soccer every night after school, pretending it was a castle that I was queen of. I remember the big bathtub upstairs. I have memories of playing in the leaf pile we spent days raking up, like a group project. My tree house, which was actually a fort my brother and his friends had built. The line of trees on the soccer field outside my house that I had to learn how to climb- and I did, every single one. I remember playing with my dad and my brother in the living room, my dad showing us how strong he was with his airplane rides. I remember how much music there was (and still is) in our lives, my dad singing badly out of tune with the headphones on, my mom's CBC radio on the weekends, them dancing in the living room to golden oldies like the BeeGees and the Beatles. (My parents say they got married because their record collections complimented each other!) I remember being so active, everyday- playing outside every night we were allowed, playing tennis in the summer, soccer, gymnastics- sports were my strength and somewhere to pour my passions. (I miss this now that it is harder to be fit!) I remember my mom being pregnant with one of my sisters- when she'd lie down for a nap, I'd be on the bed colouring and telling her not to go to sleep, "I'm just resting my eyes" she'd say.

I know my parents had money issues and parental things to deal with and relationship issues, but I am so blessed to have had them both in my life growing up. (and my siblings too!) I've always wanted to have a marriage like they have, to be as good a parent to my own children as they have been (are still being) to me, to all four of us- even with their imperfections and anxieties. I know I've inherited some of them myself, but I've also inherited their positive traits too. I'm lucky to have a childhood I enjoy remembering and love having had the chance to do that today- great prompt ladies!

For other Sunday Scribblings, go here and see what others are remembering.

Grateful Friday!!!

Queen Charlotte Track, NZ

I find myself thinking a lot about New Zealand this week, as we were on our way home this time last year. I can't believe it's been a year...where does the time go?! So much has happened since we got back, but I can still remember how green it smelled down there, how different the scenery was from one town to the next, the feeling of grapes on the vine in my hands, Lord of the Rings mania, our van JoJo that we lived in for a month while traveling around the amazing South Island(our favorite of the two!), and so so much more. I sometimes forget where I've been, especially when I'm buried in my own daily issues, but I am so lucky to have had the chance to see the world and to have done it with someone I love. I can't wait to see where we go next!!

This week I'm grateful for:

• the sun trying to push it's way through the clouds- c'mon sun!
• that it's friday and the weekend already
• fresh fruit- like peaches and strawberries
• fruit smoothies
• the library and my book treats
• the chance to go shopping for some new clothes this weekend!
• being hormonal- when I want to have babies, it will come in handy, right?
• my sisters- one is off to Europe for the first time (work is sending her, lucky thing!) and the other is off to Colorado for rugby camp tomorrow- so proud of them both!
• for such positive posts from the bloggers I read - Andrea's great news, Maggie's reflections, Susannah's revelations, and all the other wonderful ideas swirling around my blogging neighbourhood- amazing women!
• our trip to the antiques flea market tomorrow
• R's tools finally showing up and for the flowers he gave me to say thank you for helping him get them- too sweet!
• my mom having a good week away at her conference, coming back recharged for work
• my dad surviving on his own while she was away- he misses her
• Kathleen sending me goofy emails to entertain me at work
• dinner with Fanny and fellow brides to be
• my friend Anne's birthday this week!
• veggie dip- too addictive!
• my flip flops feeling like little pillows on my feet today
• getting my hair cut finally
• walking to work most days this week

Have a good weekend everyone!