Colourful Life

These are the tulips I bought for myself this weekend to brighten up our flat. I absolutely adore tulips, they are my favorite flower, next to Gerbera Daisies. I love the colours, the shape, the simplicity of their beauty. I would like to have fresh flowers in my house always. Especially living in a flat three storeys up, away from the ground! Plants too. I can't wait to have my own garden one day- going to the nursery and picking everything out, watching the seeds grow, hands in the dirt. Lushness. Yummy.

Megg's post got me thinking this morning (thanks for being so honest, Meg!), about how I too don't want to write on here when I'm blue, afraid to scare people off or being too personal or falling deeper into the doldrums. I want to apologize for not being happy when I have such a wonderful life - what is that? But some days are just blue, I just feel "bruised", as she puts it so eloquently. I'm learning to accept this, that its only a day and I'm probably processing something and will come out of it more aware or with more understanding of myself and others. I always want to change things about my moods, about my actions, about myself, but I am learning that it's not about self-improvement- it's about self-acceptance and unconditional love. I've had an epiphany about this and have decided that it's time to move from trying to fix myself all the time to simply accepting who I am, how I act and react, and go for the unconditional love of all of me instead. There are things I would like to include more of in my life- yoga, long walks after work, helping others more often, more creativity, smoothies, artistic journaling, time with friends and family- because I know they make me happy, but I don't want to fix anything anymore. I've started to hear negative self-talk coming out of my mouth lately, not just going on inside my head- definitely a good time for affirmations.

I'm going to follow BoHo girl's lead and do some daily affirmations in hopes of bringing more acceptance and understanding into my own life. I get shy when I try to say positive things about myself- I learned young that you do not toot your own horn, for any reason. Especially when you have 3 other siblings. Now, I don't even know how. I definitely know how to put myself down, to play small, to hide any successes- I think I've even developed a work life that is quiet and unchallenging for that reason alone. It's safer to be under the radar. I'm relishing being settled at the moment, though, having some stability in my life, time to work on my self-love and figure out where I'd like to work- then I can move onto something more than reception.

Things I'm loving right now:
- this book, even though I didn't expect to!
- this CD, still!
- our new living room furniture and photos on the wall
- that I'm sleeping well again
- this book waiting to be read
- this movie coming out soon!
- getting to write in these!
- the big 3-0 next week for me- birthday dinner with friends and a weekend away with my Love, can we say excited?!!