Poetry Thursday

This week's totally optional prompt on Poetry Thursday is "Unfinished Conversations". I've actually written one of my own, probably one of the only poems I've ever written - so be gentle. I saw the prompt and instantly thought of a destroyed friendship. A friend I met when I first started traveling- through a series of coincidences, we ended up at the same place at the same time and became instant friends. We helped each other through the adventure of being so far away from home and built a strong friendship based on being dependent on each other for support and guidance. It felt healthy at the time, but really wasn't in any way. After we came home, she went to university and headed down that road, while I kept traveling and learning more about myself that way. Once I fell in love, the balance in our relationship was unhinged. I was always the one who was desperate and alone and afraid to take chances. She was the one who came to my rescue - we always found a way to twist things to keep both sides feeling useful. I got brave and went overseas again and found my own strength, my authentic self, and then met Rich, so I didn't need her anymore. Things went down hill from there.
(You know what was always the biggest bone of contention between us - money. From day one. She came from a family with very full pockets and bank accounts (who had worked hard for it too, so I don't blame them), while I was struggling under the weight of student loan debt. We could never see eye to eye and it caused too many rifts to even bother repairing. What is that?)
I've struggled to let it go and move on, to forgive myself for what I was going through when we were friends, to forgive her for ignoring me and criticizing who I was. The actual destruction is a long story, which I don't feel like going into, but it's time to let it go and move on. I still get angry, even just thinking about it makes me mad. It's mostly because I know she out there with a distorter view of who I am, of who I've become. I have to accept that, and trust that I am ok just as I am, no matter what she thinks. Have you ever lost a friendship you thought was there for good?

Words Never Said

Strangers in a strange land,
Finding each other
When we felt most alone.
We spent so many hours on the phone,
In our living room and cafes,
Drinking tea, dancing,
Laughing, crying,
Growing,
Dreaming,
Wondering.

Teaching and learning from each other.
New experiences shared,
Old experiences unraveled.
We were going to be there for each other,
No matter what.
When we were gray and old and stiff,
We were going to lean on each other.
Until you were gone.

The silence was so hard
After so much support and love.
You turned away
Without explanation,
Without warning.
We were best friends,
Inseparable,
Tied through understanding,
Through unbreakable friendship.

I saw your face through the window
On the bus.
It had been two years and no word.
Life had taken us inevitably
Down different roads,
But I wasn't ready to let go.
I still thought we could go back.

The words in your letter
Cut deep and have left scars.
They'll heal,
But I may always wonder
How things could change so much.
How things could be seen
In such a different light.
How you could forget
All the good and only see the bad?
I still want to shout
At you for deserting me.
For seeing me as someone I'm not.

Ours was an unhealthy relationship
At the best of times.
But I am grateful for
What you did give me,
The love and the acceptance,
The belly laughs and dancing,
As well as the hurt and awareness
That I couldn't go on as I was,
As we were.

I'll hold all our memories
Close to my heart,
But I'm letting you go.
I don't need you anymore.
I don't need the guilt or the regret.
I forgive you, as well as myself,
And I'm not going to
Apologize for who I was,
Or who I have become.