birthday flowers from R!!Mindful
Every day
I see or hear
something
that more or less
kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle
in the haystack
of light.
It was what I was born for -
to look, to listen,
to lose myself
inside this soft world -
to instruct myself
over and over
in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,
the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant -
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,
the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help
but grow wise
with such teachings
as these -
the untrimmable light
of the world,
the ocean's shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?
Mary Oliver
Once again, I'm not sure if anyone has posted this one, but I am falling hard for her work and this one felt good today. I can see why so many of you are a fan of hers!
I had a brilliant birthday yesterday, wishing it was my birthday everyday now! I got home from work to messages on the phone from my family, and got to speak with all of them as well before we went out for dinner. R brought me those beautiful flowers above, how lucky am I?!! They smell gorgeous too. Dinner was so fun, so great to see our friends altogether. I was feeling great about my life, our life, when I went to bed last night- we have great friends, live in a beautiful city, and have each other...isn't that what its all about??
I'm bored at work, once again, and would rather be somewhere else today. I'm just wondering, if you had 7-8 hours a day, sitting at a desk, with a computer at your disposal, to pretty much do whatever you want (within reason of course!), what would you do? I fear I'm wasting my life, that there must be something I could be doing to better use this time. A way to have the paycheck and health plan of my regular "good enough" job, but be doing something more with my life at the same time. Or am I expecting too much and should go find another job that at least keeps me busy, even if its not doing something I love? Any ideas or suggestions would be much appreciated- like your favorite websites, or things I can learn while I sit here. I'm just at a loss after surviving this job for the past 8 months. I'm very grateful to have it, to have a pay check and the stability of a schedule and whatnot, but I need a change and I need one soon!!
I keep thinking I could be writing, it's the perfect situation to, but seem to have noticed a trend...I love collecting writing exercises and reading about writing, but I never do any of the actual writing- what is that? I go to, but freeze up, get critical, and end up just writing in my journal about myself or my life. I want to get out of my own head for a change. I don't know if I think about being a writer because I enjoy it or because it's what people said I'd be good at or "should" do; I can't hear my own voice in there anymore. How do I find it again?
Or maybe I'll just find a way to be an art teacher or work with kids in a creative way. Always thinking of new ideas and possibilities, maybe it's time to stop thinking and start acting. Why does that scare me so much??
5 comments:
What I did during my good enough job: took classes, read classic books online (the internet book archive), read LOTS of blogs, wrote short stories. I'm (kinda) ashamed to say I did most of these on the job, but hey, I still managed to get all of my work done! :-D
As far as the writing prompts go, oh, I have the SAME SAME problem...I can't enter into them with a spirit of play, instead, I end up judging and wanting to have a brilliant idea or to write something that feels "real" and "important" and "not like a waste of time." Which of course, means I often write nothing at all, which is the biggest waste of time at all!
I don't think you should feel like you are "only" writing about your life...if that is your way to find your voice, if that's your "in" into writing, then I think you should embrace it.
And for what it's worth, I could SO see you as a teacher!
Dear M:
Don't feel like writing about your life is a waste of time. You're a wonderfully giving and creative spirit and that should be captured, either for you to look back at your thoughts and actions, or for someone else to explore your world when they happen upon your journals.
I suggest that you take what interests you and learn more about it. What do I mean? The history of women through Journals. There are countless websites dedicated to historians studying women's personal writing (journals) and the participants in discussions are both amateur and professional historians alike. Find some books on women's history-you'll love it. I know you will. Next time we're together make me tell you about a thesis someone wrote around a woman's novel that she purchased at a flea market in Halifax. It's extraordinary.
Love
K
love oliver!
hmmmm...sounds like you are in a place of exploring yourself and all your options, talents, skills, interests. it could be a fabulous journey you are going to take. enjoy it!
M ~ Great poem choice! Overall i think the interest thing is a good one. The topics that interest you... even if it is just your personal history... will start to show. We always have to be patient (which is difficult for me).
Here are some ideas that came to my mind:
Teach yourself a software program... Take a class online... Learn a second language (on tape or CD).
Make a creative newsletter or a inspiring cork board for your office.
Desktop activism...Amazon wish list... Flicker account... Journaling.
Create digital phone book... Create a Netflix account and build a huge movie queue - oh poo, I don't think Netflix is in Canada.
Make a list of the places you want to go (locally or vacation) and start putting them on your calendar and gathering information about them in a binder.
Gift list for winter holiday... Create birthday alarm account... Library the books or periodicals in your office.
Correspond to family and friends traditionally (on paper)...Create online photo albums/journal of places you have been - photo blog.
Have fun and good luck!
I just came here after the last post. All I can say is either a) use your time wisely & research reseach research the kind of life/ job/ interests you want or b) just start scribbling with a pen on paper and don't stop (believe me, something will come out or you will finally clear the blockage and then LOTS will come out. OR c) QUIT. that's right. get a job that you love. Do whatever you can do to find that job. Those are my suggestions - feel free to ignore them :)
P.S. I think I owe you an email but I've been AWFUL lately so you'll get one soon, I promise!
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