Creative Stumblings

Reflections of...

2007-04-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Reflection from flickr

I love living in this city. The Canucks are playing in game 7, first round of the playoffs and they just scored in the 3rd period to go up 2-1 - you could hear people all around us shouting with joy! It's brilliant! Of course, if they were playing badly, everyone would be dissing them together too.

I was going to write about how crazy life has been lately, especially at work, and how I'm working hard to remember what's really important and not dwelling in the chaos too much, how I'm feeling overwhelmed and pulled in too many directions all at once, but I don't really feel like doing that now. I'm so grateful for my life, no matter how insane I might feel these days. I have a great job in a wonderful organization, surrounded by some brilliant and fun people. I'm learning a lot and there's even a possible promotion on the table -I haven't felt like I was in such a "right" place for a long time. It feels good.

The best news of late is my R getting his residency!!!!!!!! How excited are we?!! It only took 6 months for this part, but it all started over a year and a half ago. I can finally breath now. It's hard to believe how much of my thinking space that whole process and everything connected to it took up! He can stay in Canada forever now, so we are finally able to start planning and even executing future plans - what a concept!

We bought bikes too, so we're loving having wheels and riding around the city. It's so nice to come home after work on a nice sunny day and go for a ride along the seawall. And if riding to work on that doesn't get me in shape, I don't know what will!!

It's good for me to remember that work isn't the be all and end all, even if I like being there. That I am allowed to make mistakes and feel overwhelmed. And that life is happening all the time, and I don't want to miss a thing.

Grateful Friday!!

2007-03-30T11:51:00.000-07:00

from Flickr

I so need a grateful list this week, whew. I just got home from a trip up north for work and we got completely stranded because of a spring snow storm!! We ended up having to take a bus home, as it was the only thing moving...I am now back home, 21 hours later!!! What a trip! It was insane and we totally didn't expect something like that to happen. We knew we were in trouble yesterday when we were telling locals that we were meant to be flying out and they just laughed at us. I'm just so happy to be home, out of my winter gear and going out for a walk in the beautiful spring sunshine of Vancouver!! Yes, sunshine! I too am in awe.

We were up there preparing for our program trip on May, trying to sort out some last minute details. I am going to be coordinating one of the communities, so it was really important for me to go and meet people and get a sense of what it's going to be like. Unfortunately, because of the unco-orperative weather, most of the stuff we needed to sort out in my community didn't get done. Oh well, it will all come together, have no fear! I'm going to be well burnt out though by the end of it. But it was so amazing to see how excited everyone was about us coming up there and how helpful they all are. It's going to be brilliant!
On another positive note, we got some great news this week - Rich got his permanent residency for Canada!!!!!!!!!!! Can we say excited?! I'm sure you all heard our collective sigh of relief, at last. This is fantastic and we're going to celebrate with a Canadian themed party sometime soon, so we'll post some pics then!

This week I am grateful for:

my home
the sunshine
where we live
the beach
the people I work with and what we get to do
this book and her website
my body being able to cope with a long ride in a bus
having a sense of humour
my iPod - saved me!!
the sunrise I saw between the mountains somewhere on our way back down to Van
getting to see my R soon!!
his residency coming through!
talking to old friends
babies
fresh fruit and vegetables
home cooked food - no more take away, please...
my brother and his family
my boss' husband giving us a ride home
not having to go into work today - had one day in the office this week!
getting to experience different places
being part of an arts program
our landlords cooking us dinner tonight
going to a benefit show in a really cool bar tomorrow night with new friends
my bed....I cannot wait to get into it

Have a great weekend everyone and take time to be grateful for all the wonderful things in your lives too!

Grateful Friday!

2007-03-09T19:11:00.000-08:00

untitled by rosemary from flickr

Another week done and dusted, thank goodness! I've been feeling tired and aching for some sunshine and spring-like weather. Luckily, here, it isn't subzero temperatures and the cherry blossoms are out, the buds on the trees are pushing through, and you can almost smell it coming in the air...somewhere under all the rain.
This week I'm grateful for:

R surprising me at work today with flowers and taking me out for a drink
sleeping in tomorrow
cherry blossoms
my yellow rain boots - I call them my little rays of sunshine
my sister - it's her birthday today
another session done at work
being busy
voices on the other end of the phone
my little transition group of 4 year olds - how cute are they?!
the people I'm surrounded by everyday
getting excited about my work trip up north
Julia Cameron's new book
knitting!! (we're doing it together!)
getting to go to the movies this weekend - seeing this I think
fresh fruit and cottage cheese
going snowshoeing last week and getting to the top!
having my sister visit
planning a weekend away for Easter
learning to look at the world differently
my gym pass
my new shoes!! how fun are they!?
getting some down time

Don't forget to change your clocks ahead this weekend!

Grateful Friday

2007-02-16T18:42:00.000-08:00

I haven't done one of these in ages, it's time.

This week I'm grateful for:

my R and his strength
that he's going through all this immigration stuff for us
my wonderful job
being busy
my bed - hopefully I'll have some quality time with it this weekend
the people I work with
my new support system
possibilities
our recordable DVD player
wine, wine, wine
learning how to have faith that all will work out
the love of Valentine's Day - not all the crap that goes with it though!
my parents - both have tumbled on the ice this week, sore and bruised
our camera
Silvina and Mariano
cottage cheese and fruit together
leftovers - so I don't have to make lunch every night!
Friday Night Lights
Grey's Anatomy - but if they kill off Meredith, I may not be able to watch it anymore!
our webcam
not living out east in the cold
the sun we had as a surprise on the weekend - we played tennis!
my health plan to cover prescriptions!
my friend Jo for always emailing me
steamed milk with sugar free vanilla syrup
hugs at work today
the Brits on tv last night
where we live
being loved

Have a great weekend!

Lessons I'm learning

2007-02-01T19:55:00.000-08:00

my bike!

There are a lot of lessons swirling around me these days, once again. Probably the same ones that are always there, trying to get my attention. Learn to let go, learn to live one day at a time and not project into the future, learn to trust that I can handle whatever I need to, learn to let go of the outcome. Always coming up, just in different forms, different situations. R's residency application always gets me stressed and there is absolutely no reason to be worried. Worrying about the health of those close to me when I cannot do anything about the future. Getting sad about the state of the planet and the polar bears who are losing their ice. Worrying about making a mistake, or not having enough money, or not being able to get pregnant when we want to, or having to move away from Vancouver before we're ready - it goes on and on like a broken record sometimes. I've probably even blogged about these very same lessons and issues!

I'm learning that worrying does nothing but waste my energy. I'm learning that taking things one day at a time helps to keep them from overwhelming me. I've learned that I can tell myself I'm not going to worry, just for today, and it works. I'm learning that the outcome is not up to me, but that I can believe the Universe is friendly and hope for the best. I'm learning that I have a very powerful mind and if I can train it to think more creative and positive thoughts, that the fear and anxiety may have nowhere left to live! I'm learning to keep things from funneling down a negative spiral all the time - especially since there is no reason not to believe things will be alright. I'm learning to believe in possibility.

I am learning that learning to let go is the most important gift I can give myself. I feel like this is my chance, right now. This is my chance to let the lesson sink in, that its ok to let go, that its safe to let go, that if I can let go (of his residency, of the future, of my fears) everything will still be ok.

How do you let go? what works for you?

Winter Blues

2007-01-21T11:36:00.000-08:00

winter on Flickr

I know it's not even February yet, but I am so ready for winter to move on. The darkness and dreary-ness and perpetual gloom can go away anytime now! It's so hard to be motivated and inspired when its like this - does anyone else find that? We've tried to stay busy by going up to the mountains and visiting with friends, but both of us are feeling the winter blues this weekend.

I've been extremely busy at work, a shock to my system after a quiet couple of weeks before the holidays. It's brilliant, I thrive on being busy, but it's been a big adjustment. I had my three month review this past week and it went very well. I am officially an employee now and get to go on the health plan! I love that I have so much variety in this job, and new challenges all the time. I've actually been asked to help run one of our major projects done through our office, so that makes me feel even better about work. Like I'm doing something right. I kept wishing I would find a job where I was busy - I guess it's arrived!!

I've lost touch with my creativity a bit lately as well, but have plans to start knitting again. My mom taught me when I was younger, but it's been years since I did any. My goal is to make baby blankets for all my friends who are pregnant - there are three now and counting!!(How exactly did I get to the age when my friends would be having babies and I'd be talking about having my own?!!) I get home from work and its dark and I'm tired and creating ends up at the bottom of my list. Everytime. I would like to change this. And soon.

The one thing I am doing to help my mood is exercising regularly. I've been at the gym 4 days a week on my lunch break. It works much better that way, putting it in the middle of my day instead of at the end. I've even started to find a few others to workout with, to help keep each other motivated. Yesterday, I made it to a salsa aerobics class, which was brilliant! I didn't even notice I was exercising! I will definitely go back to that class.

The days are getting lighter, so I have that to look forward to. It's up to me to change things, but that always feels the hardest. I'd love someone to come in and entertain me sometimes, take care of it all for me. How do you stay inspired and motivated in the winter? What helps get your creative juices flowing??

List of Loving

2007-01-07T15:25:00.000-08:00

by komal soin from flickr

I was going to write a post about getting fit and eating better and staying motivated, but can't really be bothered to go there today - might not be a good sign! Instead, I decided to make a list of some of the things I'm loving these days, from books to music to food. A way to see the positives in my life, not focus on the things that make me negative.

I just finished The Birth House, by Ami McKay - fabulous! About midwives in a small community near where I grew up in Nova Scotia during the first World War. Just so addictive and such wonderful characters. Go read it!

Also reading Anthony Bourdain's A Cook's Tour, combining my love of travel with my love of food - another great Christmas gift!

I'm reconnecting with my iPod with tunes from Razorlight, Kasabian, Oasis, Snow Patrol, Coldplay, Madeleine Peyroux, Gilles Peterson's Brazil and many more. (Yes, I see the English theme there, too!) Looking forward to the new Norah Jones as well.
I'm loving spending time in the kitchen, trying new things, working with different spices and tastes, seeing what I can come up with. My goal is to try a new meal at least every two weeks - from all our cookbooks and sources this should be pretty easy!

I'm really into not drinking coffee, even though I've been on decaf for years. I am loving trying different types of tea instead, finding ones that are healthy and uplifting through their flavours instead of sugar.

I'm loving spending time with R, as always. Even sitting and watching the NFL playoffs - I know, that surprises me too!
I'm loving the webcam revolution my family has started. I get to see their faces every week now, it's such a treat. And our friends from all over the world as well, it's wonderful. It helps us to feel closer in our little corner of the world.

I'm loving spending time with my friends at work. We've been talking about babies and food and plans to have game nights and group snowshoeing excursions.

I'm loving that I love my job.

I'm loving that the sun is staying up later and coming up earlier - even if we don't see it behind the clouds, I know it's happening!

And I am loving lazy Sundays when I get to finish up some loose ends around the house, take care of my snuffling R and give myself a food spa.

Life is good. (knock on wood.)

Happy New Year 2007!!

2006-12-31T17:06:00.000-08:00

by snorkeldaddy on Flickr

Another year winding down, another about to kick off - how does time fly by so bloody fast?! This year has absolutely flown by, full of many amazing moments and moments of pondering and learning, too. Time to do some yearly reflections - thinking about what I've accomplished this year and who I've become, about who I want to become before our next new year's eve. 2007 is already fully booked with family visits and a trip to England in December - it's a bit daunting really! Maybe we'll get married or pregnant in there as well. All in the works so watch this space!
Swirly Girl suggested choosing a theme for the year . 2006 was my year of Creativity - I definitely opened my mind up to a new way of thinking and am loving that my creative side is awake again. I can't wait to see what I come up with this year. I can't decide what theme I'd like for 2007 - I'm thinking of it being My Body, being more loving and accepting of it while also taking much better care of it, getting it ready for babies - but for some reason that feels like a selfish theme. Or another way to beat myself up or get negative - but I guess that would be what I was working on, right? What's your theme for 2007 going to be?

A few of my favorite things from this past year have been:

Getting Engaged!!!

R getting his work permit

Little Miss Sunshine

Pride and Prejudice (I discovered it this year)

An Inconvenient Truth

Nacho Libre ("Nachooooooo!")

The Birth House, Ami McKay

books by Isabella Dusi

My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult

Casino Royale

Discovering Grey's Anatomy and Friday Night Lights

snowshoeing

going up to the mountains

summer in Vancouver

working on Granville Island

our time with R's parents

seeing my family's faces on the webcam (first time in a year and a half!!)

my new bike!

painting

rediscovering knitting

laughs with our Argentinian friends

I could go on and on, but dinner is calling. R is making homemade lamb korma and it smells divine. I got him a curry cookbook for Christmas, so he's trying it out. Even using a pestle and mortar! Yummy!!!

I hope 2007 brings us R's Permanent Residency, new levels in our own relationship (wedding and baby planning), more fun and experiences at my wonderful job, and lots of time with our family and friends. Happiness and health and laughter galore. And the same for all of you!!

Happy Christmas!!

2006-12-25T10:37:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays everyone!! We hope you are having a wonderful day with your family and friends. We're off for a walk in the sun while it's here, then back to talk on the webcam with our families all afternoon!! Chili and Lime Roast Chicken's on the menu with roast veggies and fresh pineapple for dessert. My mouth is watering already.
I'm missing my family, but being able to see them on the computer is helping a whole lot. I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday where ever you are!!
We have the fireplace station on the tv, so it feels all cozy in here!! love it!

Happy Birthday...

2006-12-19T18:17:00.000-08:00

To my Love. How lucky am I that he was born today!! I don't know where I'd be without him. My support, my shoulder, my entertainment, my sound board, my creative counterpart, my Mr. Fixit, my warm fuzzy, my travelling companion, my partner in crime, my Richard.

We're off out for dinner and to pick up some Christmas/Birthday packages at the post office!! This is/was the same day as my Grandmother's (Gan Gan we called her) birthday, so it's nice to know I will always think of her.

Many happy returns!!

Loving the box again

2006-12-12T19:52:00.000-08:00

I am giddy over TV. This hasn't happened for years, but there are actually a couple shows on right now that I cannot wait to watch each week! Tonight, it's Friday Night Lights - I LOVE this show. I feel like a teenager again when I watch it, but it is so much better than the old BH 90210 type shows I watched then. It is a show that I think is well done, in the acting, the story lines, the way its shot - it's original and totally addictive! If you haven't seen it yet, it's on NBC and is about a small town highschool football team. The whole town is completely obsessed with football and the lives of their team. We get to see what happens with the coach and his family and with certain team members. The first episode, the star quarterback ended up paralyzed, I almost gave up there, but it has completely reeled me in. I even get excited when I remember its on while I'm sitting at work! What is going on!!?

I am also enjoying Heroes, another NBC newbie. It too was one I wouldn't have bothered with, but once I did, totally hooked. Of course there's Grey's Anatomy as well, something I got into over the summer and still am a big fan. I totally zone out when these shows are on, Rich can be talking to me and I honestly don't hear him. I'm so becoming my mother! We even got a bigger tv just so we can enjoy it more - I can even see properly now with my glasses on!

I am not a reality tv fan, never have been, so I'm very happy to see new shows popping up that are brilliant to watch. That are interesting, that help me detach from my own reality, but that also make me think.

I've heard that Ugly Betty, Men in Trees, and Sisters and Brothers are good shows as well, so I may have to check them out too. CSI is always a goodie, but we're not staying up that late these days. I think because its the winter, I love cuddling up on the couch after a busy day, being entertained, and ignoring the rain, dark, and cold that's going on outside.

What do you like to watch? Or what's your favorite distraction from winter?

Fun in the Snow!!

2006-12-04T19:48:00.000-08:00

Winter has always been something I wish I could avoid-I don't like the cold or the ice or driving very far in wintery weather, I even lived in the southern hemisphere for a few years just to avoid it! But this year we decided we were going to embrace it. And we even decided this before we got our unusual snow storm last week!! We wanted to go up into the mountains more often, to escape the rain and bleakness down here, go cross country skiing and snowshoeing, and take advantage of the fact that we live within 30 minutes of 3 different ski fields. After talking about it for weeks, we finally made it on Saturday!! We hopped on the shuttle bus to Cypress Mountain. They have a Nordic centre and a downhill/snowboard centre. We got all kitted out in our cross country skis and headed out. We were surrounded by beautiful blue skies, bright sunshine, trees trembling under the weight of all the snow (250cms!!), and we could actually see back down to the city once the clouds finally lifted. It was magic. I had cross country skied when I was younger, but it was Rich's first go at it and he loved it! We laughed so much, he was crying at one point he was laughing so hard. It wasn't too hard, but was definitely a great workout and we cannot wait to go back up again! Snowshoeing will be the next adventure. I had no idea how much they had evolved - I had the old fashioned wooden ones in my head, but now they are quite fancy. I even have a few friends at work who already snowshoe, so this could even turn out to be a way to make more friends! Imagine that, winter in a positive light, I can't believe it!!

Let it snow!

2006-11-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

Sitting inside, the smell of our roast dinner filling the apartment, and it's snowing outside. It's absolutely beautiful!! I'm not a big fan of winter in general, but it's great here because I know it's not going to last! We can enjoy it for how peaceful and pretty it is, and know it will be raining in no time. I love Vancouver!!

Had my Christmas party last night at the Tiki Room - it was brilliant! I work with some fantastic and very interesting people. We had to leave to go to a wedding reception for friends who had gotten married in Jamaica last week, so we were social butterflies for a change. It was great to see so many people, but so weird in those environments because you really never get a chance to talk to anyone or make plans to see one another again. So bizarre.

We got a webcam a couple weeks ago, so all our friends are getting to see us all over the world - they all want to buy one now! I love technology! It might actually make it feel like we aren't so far away sometimes. I know at this time of year, I'm wishing my family was closer or that flights were much cheaper. They should have special family rates so we can all see each other more often.

Have a good week everyone!!

Soggy days

2006-11-17T19:56:00.000-08:00

The word of the month so far in November in Vancouver has been rain. Or maybe wet. It's been phenomenal. We've had almost 250 millimeters of rain in two weeks - that's more than we've had in the past 6 months combined!! It's been a bit of a deluge. We're used to just rain, straight down, not too heavy - just consistent. This is incredible! Puddles galore, checking out everyone's rubber boot fashions, building up strong arms from holding my umbrella up all the time, and now we're dealing with a boil water advisory. The water has turned all cloudy and brown, so they don't want anyone getting sick if there's more than just dirt in there. We can't drink it, brush our teeth with it, or wash our fruit and veggies with it. They hope to have it sorted out by the end of the weekend - but we're expecting another storm here on Sunday. They are calling for 110mm more, in one day!! The sediment in the water is coming from landslides near the resevoirs - not good for the people living on the lower part of the mountains on the north shore to hear the land is giving way. I figure if we can survive this, the rest of our Vancouver winter will be easy peasy! We're going to get into cross country skiing as well, to find a way to escape all this wetness. The ski hill's are even open already, so maybe we'll go this weekend!

Our weekend will be filled with indoor projects - making our Christmas cards, me doing some paintings, nice roast dinner on Sunday, going bowling with our friends tomorrow night, writing letters, reading, long movies (Lord of the Rings), and staying warm and fuzzy as much as possible. The sun won't be back for at least a week, so we might as well accept this for what it is and enjoy it. I'd much rather have this than -10 degrees Celsius and snow already!

"Singing in the Rain" is actually on tv tonight - how ironic is that?!!

Invisible Blogger

2006-11-03T19:07:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's me, I am alive! For some reason, blogging has been put at the bottom of my to do list lately. Life is great and I am busier than I can remember, so this medium isn't as vital to me anymore. I am still reading everyone else's posts, but just don't have the time to do my own. Work is amazing, I'm loving everything about it!! The people are wonderful and being busy is so much better for me. It's incredible how different my whole life feels now that I'm content in my work life. Amazing difference. I feel more confident, more capable, more settled, more in touch with the world around me. But I also feel tired from using my brain, from actually working 8 hours a day. When I get home, I'd much rather cuddle or curl up on the couch or read a book or cook something comforting than sit back down at the computer. I now know why I never got many emails from my friends- working takes a lot out of you and when you are at a computer all day, you don't want to be at it all night! In my old job, I had nothing else to do all day, so blogging was my savior. And I am so grateful for finding all the wonderful women I have through this arena, but I think I need to do this differently now. Step back from it and see what I want it to be for me, what I hope to get out of it and put into it. My grateful lists and sharing photos and stories are my favorite parts, so that will continue - just more sporadically I think. I'm tired of feeling like I have to keep up - I'm going to do it my way.

Phew, don't know where that came from! I celebrated my 4th anniversary with my R this week - he surprised me with a huge bouquet of flowers at work. They are gorgeous. I am so lucky. I love him more everyday. It feels like it's gone by so fast but also like we've known each other so much longer than that. Our office was re-organized this week, all new desks and a new configuration, which has made the space much more pleasant, but was quite unsettling. Change is good though. Winter is coming and I'm ready for it this year. I want to make soups and comfort food and cuddle under the duvet. We're planning on going cross country skiing this year, a way to escape the rain and to get some more exercise into our life. The snow is a little while away, but having something to look forward to in the winter is a treat! What are you going to be doing this winter?

Weekly Wonderments

2006-10-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

the Inukshuk

Mixing things up a bit this week. Grateful friday needed a change-new time of year, new approach. A chance to look around me at not only what I'm grateful for, but what leaves me in wonder, moments to remember.
Last friday night was a chance to catch up with our good friends, and we filled the night with lots of laughter and stories as Spanish and English mingled around yummy food and sangria. The weekend had me working Saturday night at an art auction, which meant shopping for a something to wear, and we hit the Noodle Box for the first time - so so good. A wet grey Sunday meant a lazy morning in bed, more comfort food, and cuddles on the couch.
Monday came up quickly, back to work and reality. Yoga was much needed and much enjoyed, as was coming home to dinner waiting for me. I managed to get there twice this week, which made my body quite happy. The week was full of learning and lunch with friends and co-workers, while being surrounded by such beautiful fall colours. The air has changed, its so fresh and crisp now, I love getting to bundle up again.
The week flew by and Friday night meant a stagette for a friend who's getting married next month. We had a great dinner and finished the evening with a pole dancing class, which was brilliant!! I want a pole in my house now! Lots of laughter and glasses of vino, great women bonding time.
R and I spent yesterday outside walking around enjoying the sunshine, having lunch together, soaking it up. We're off for a hike today with hopefully a hot chocolate at the end. I am going to take some photos of the beautiful trees and enjoy the fresh air.
(Wow that was hard to write, change isn't easy! It might help me pay more attention this week, though!)
What has left you in wonder this week?

Adjusting and finding balance

2006-10-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

I'm in a transitional phase. Things are good, very good in fact, but adjustments are being made on every level of my being. I feel so comfortable at work that I forget about the enormous learning curve I'm on. Being busy is new for me - something I've never had to really deal with in my work life. I am loving it, don't get me wrong, but I have a lot to learn about balance and keeping myself separate from what I don't need to worry about. I'm still testing the waters and forget I'm only in week three - wow. My job is continually being re-defined and will probably always be that way- organic is good. I want to believe in my own abilities, to trust I can do this, to allow room for being human and making mistakes. I hope I can find a balance between my work life and taking good care of myself. Caring about my work, but not becoming consumed by it. I have always heard other people talk about work taking over their lives, about losing control, about not having enough time to do the things they enjoy, but I thought I'd never be like that. Now, having a new perspective shows me how easy that could happen to anyone. But I would like to remember to make time to create, to go to yoga class, to have a bath, to spend with my R, to make friends, on and on. Anything's possible if you find the right balance...right? All of this is new to me and I'll figure it out. Being busy is such a gift - believe me, I know that! But, I am adjusting.
How do you find balance? What keeps you in tune with your own needs?

Grateful Friday!!

2006-10-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

from flickr

This photo was too cute, I couldn't resist!! I'm feeling a bit tired myself. I had my first big function at work last night and even though it was an early one and I was working not drinking, I was still a bit fuzzy around the edges today. It was only the preview party as well - the art auction is on Saturday night. I am carrying art on and off the stage for the actual live auction, so a bit nervous about that. Except that it means I don' t have to get a dress! I will be all in black and that I can manage quite easily. It's so nice to be around people - I'd forgotten how good that feels. How much energy I get from it.

This week I'm grateful for:

my R - came home last night to dinner waiting for me and he was taping Grey's Anatomy (which I had completely forgotten!) how sweet is he?!!
my job
the amazing weather continuing
my new jeans (first pair I've bought in over 5 years!)
getting mail today
my sister being ok, her husband's away in Taiwan for 2 months
pumpkin loaf from Starbucks
finding good organic coffee on Granville island that isn't Starbucks!
the fall colours
the Pumpkin regatta this weekend back at home (my parents live across the street from the Pumpkin King, Howie Dill...a story to share later!!)
the weekend being here
going out tonight with our friends we haven't seen in weeks
good emails from friends
not living in Buffalo or Southern Ontario (it snowed 60 cms!!)
Madeleine Peyroux's new album, Half the Perfect World
new music on my iPod
comfortable shoes
cold nights
the sound of children's laughter
R's parents getting home safely and saying how much fun they had with us
being invited to my brother's for Christmas this year - so hope we can go!
new art supplies
getting to see some amazing art work at the auction
I'm not in special events - they work so hard!!!!
What are you grateful for?!

In Awe...

2006-10-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today I'm feeling in awe of the world around me and my life - and also feeling overwhelmed by it all. I'm in awe of the beautiful weather we've been having for months. I'm in awe of the incredible colours on the trees and how vibrant they get everyday. I'm in awe of the feeling of having a job I enjoy, how different it is. I'm in awe of the life and creativity on Granville island, where I get to go to work everyday. I'm in awe of how events get put together (big fundraising art auction this weekend for our organization). I'm in awe of hormones and what its like to work with all women. I'm in awe of how much I am in love with R and how even after almost 4 years together I still get all mooshy just thinking about him. I'm in awe of how much fear I carry around in a day, in a moment, all the time. I'm in awe of how big the world really is. I'm in awe of how many different people there are in the world, how many different ideas. I'm in awe of how easy it is to fall into patterns that aren't good for us, and how hard it seems to create patterns of things that are good for us. I'm in awe of how much I miss my family. I'm in awe of the silence of a bird flying across the water. I'm in awe of the amazing amount of colours the sky creates for its sunsets - and we've had some real doozies lately. I'm in awe of how fast my mind goes straight to worse case scenario. I'm in awe of artists and their abilities to create works that make me gasp with wonder. I'm in awe of the changing seasons and how drastic, how fast it can feel sometimes. I'm in awe of my own joy. I'm in awe of change and how good it is, yet how disruptive it is even when we are enjoying it. I'm in awe of how tired I am at the end of the day, now that I am actually working. I'm in awe of how long my hair is. I'm in awe of how into my favorite tv shows I get. I'm in awe of how many choices and decisions I have everyday. I'm in awe of how lucky I am. I'm in awe of my beautiful life. I'm in awe of wonder.

I'm feeling like I've got tons of things I want to blog about now that I've had a hiatus, just hope I can find the time. I know, it surprises me too - I have a life!

Grateful Friday!

2006-10-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

Friday already, wow! I love being busy! My new job is wonderful. I have been busy since I sat down on Monday morning - a brilliant feeling. And it doesn't look like its going to stop anytime soon either! Everyone is very nice and I love the energy in the place. Being on Granville Island is such a treat as well. I'm sure I'll have something to moan about in the future, but for now, I'm going with this feeling of joy.
I got my bed back last night, heaven!! The inlaws left yesterday and we are loving having our home back. We did have a good visit though and they were so nice taking us out for dinner a lot and buying us new clothes and even got us a George Foreman grill!! So sweet. Who knows how long it will be before we see them again. Sigh... everyone is so far away.
This week I'm grateful for:

it being a long weekend and us having absolutely no plans!!
my new job and everything that goes with it
my Richard and some time alone
his parents and our time together
that they got home safely
my holidays
fall colours - so love the red
my commute
cool nights to cuddle
my sister in law - its her birthday today!!
my parents getting a new car
Friday Night Lights (on NBC) - its got me hooked already
Grey's Anatomy
yogurt
hummus full of garlic
letters in the mail
our camera
my new clothes - so comfy! especially my new hoodie
being happy
being busy!!
being tired from work - a new concept for me completely!!
good wine
Pumpkin Spice lattes from Starbucks
my new hair dryer
sleeping in my bed again...did I say heaven already?

Hope everyone has a great weekend and Thanksgiving if you're Canadian!!

Re-Connecting

2006-10-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

Grouse Mountain and West Vancouver from Jericho Beach

I feel like I've been living on another planet for the past two weeks - amazing what a holiday will do to you! Feeling a bit disconnected from all my own normality, our routines, the regularity of our life here. It's a good thing, but also quite surreal. I needed a vacation from my regular life, we both did, a chance to relax, recharge, and get a new perspective on it all. It was so strange yesterday when we spent the day at the mall, since it was grey and wet outside, and then went to see Jet Li's new movie, "Fearless". Sitting in there, in the dark, watching a movie in Chinese, after being inside all day, I came out expecting to be in a totally different country or something. It was very very bizarre. Time to get back to reality I think - I am ready for it again.
Today is our one year anniversary at our flat - one whole year here, in the same place. The last time I had the same address for 12 months in a row was before I went away to university - 12 years ago. Whoa. I know, I'm weird. No wonder I was ready to settle down. We both feel much more at home after just being away for a week, like this is where we live now. After being travelers for so long, this is a new sensation for both of us. I am loving it. It's a whole new adventure in itself. What sort of adventure are you having this week??

Grateful Friday!!

2006-09-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

View of Mt. Baker from eastern Vancouver island

Sealife near Campbell River

Whew, what a crazy few days. I didn't think I'd ever get a chance to sit down here and post away. It's crazy having house guests, isn't it?! The inlaws are our first official ones, so we're still learning I think. Being back home in Vancouver, in our house, has mellowed us all out a bit, which is great. The parents have been going off on adventures of their own, while R got back to work and I spent my first morning at my new job! I think we all needed a bit of space. The new job looks wonderful! No day will be the same, I'll be busy, and have a wide variety of tasks to do, so I think it's going to be interesting and give me a chance to learn a lot, be creative, and meet all sorts of people. I've got a headache from information overload, but I love it!! I got to go out for lunch with my office to say goodbye to the woman in my place, and say hello to me - it was brilliant! How are you all doing?!!
The trip was full of lovely long drives down new roads, beautiful trees just on the edge of turning colour, small communities and very nice people, and it was such a treat to just be free. It felt a lot like Nova Scotia, where I grew up, which was a nice surprise. It didn't make me home sick, just happy to be around something so beautiful, so bizarrely familiar. It felt like "real Canada - but I don't know what I mean by that exactly! Tofino was our favorite place - went on a whale watching trip. Loved being on a boat in the sunshine, we even saw a bunch of grey whales! The beaches out there are gorgeous, so alive, so vibrant. Eating dinner on the beach with R, watching the sunset, the amazing colours and just having time together. I'm so going to go sea kayaking and surfing when we go back. And we are SO going back there.

Victoria surprised us, after having been there a couple times and not really enjoying it very much. It was a great city to walk around in, had a real downtown core to explore, and a beautiful harbour. It helped that it was a magical sunny day too. We had a great meal out for G's birthday, he was quite chuffed anyways. Stayed in a wonderful heritage house owned by the backpackers, so we each had our own suite - highly recommended if you ever go to Victoria!! Ocean Island Suites. All the places we stayed were wonderful actually. We did well! Time flew by, especially once I came down with the cold - felt like my head was literally in a bubble. But it didn't damper things too much, only meant I used a lot of kleenex!!

Coming home was a treat as well - we've never been away from our place that long before, so nice to come back home. Life is in transition once again, but that's life right? Crazy to think it's almost October, but I'm really looking forward to the trees beautiful colour show - expect many photos. I'm like Ruby and Meg, fall is a new year for me much more than January. I love this time of year.

Missed my first grateful list last week, so this one may be a bit longer than usual - bare with me.
This week I am grateful for:

my wonderful R and his patience and getting to have some quality time together, away
my inlaws, even when they drive me batty! bless them
our lovely little flat
traveling and seeing new places
Tofino
the BC ferries
sunshine, sunshine, sunshine
Indian Summer
the coming fall colours
bookstores
Vancouver
Vancouver Island
my mom - happy belated birthday! glad she was born, really
Grey's Anatomy
soft kleenex
the internet - for helping us plan our adventure
rental cars - love the freedom of wheels, cannot wait to buy our own one day
the air mattress we're sleeping on
my new job and the people I'm going to be working with/for
our camera
being on a boat on the water
long walks on the beach, even getting sun kissed
sunsets
time away from reality
not thinking about work at all - old or new - for a whole week
being able to show off where we live - and man, it's gorgeous!!
being lucky to have seen a lot of the world and experienced so many things - having stretched my comfort zone so many times and getting to learn so much about myself and the world
the sound of children laughing
Granville Island, my yoga studio, my art store, and getting to learn what other fabulous places are over there
my new commute on the ferry across False Creek
my old crap job for helping me find this community and my creativity again
getting real letters in the mail
being able to wear flipflops still
my new clothes for work
change
acceptance and letting go
family

Wow, I'll stop now, don't want anyone to fall asleep reading this! Weekend full of tour guiding ahead for us, might head up to the mountains. Hope you all have a good one!

Photos first

2006-09-27T17:47:00.000-07:00

Tofino harbour

Qualicum beach (this was our backyard!!)

Me doing yoga at sunset in Tofino (or pretending to!)

Tofino Clayquoet Sound

Victoria Parliament buildings

Us at G's birthday dinner

We're back home now, will write a proper post tomorrow, but wanted to share some photos from our time away! Loved Tofino the most (obviously), but it was a great time away. Of course, R and I both got sick with colds (thanks to the English germs his mom brought over!!), but we still loved being away and seeing something new. Have lots to share so stay tuned!

On our way...

2006-09-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

Morning! Sitting at home, the sun coming through the windows finally after a few days of rain, getting ready to go out for the day with my future in-laws to Capilano Suspension Bridge. It's wonderful to see them, except for the unsettled weather, but being tour guide is a great treat! His mom survived the flight and was quite happy about the experience, which was good considering she is terrified of flying. We're sleeping out in the living room on the air mattress, feels a bit cramped in our one bedroom flat - good thing we're off tomorrow on our adventure!!

We're heading over to Vancouver Island for a week!! Taking the ferry over to Nanaimo, then getting our rental car and heading up to Qualicum Beach (staying here!)for three days. Hoping to do some sea kayaking there and some major beachcombing. Then, we're driving down to Victoria for the weekend to celebrate his dad's birthday. Then, we'll be heading up to Tofino (see the pic above!) for a couple days. I cannot wait to see it all!! We've been over a few times when my sister was living there, but not to all of these places. Tofino is known for its rugged coastline and amazing waves and storm watching! Its the surf capital of Canada, bit like Cornwall I hope. I've been looking forward to going there ever since we moved out here. I'll take tons of photos, don't worry!!!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments about my new job! I am still very excited! I got to go down there to meet with my new boss yesterday and she gave me a tour of the place and introduced me to everyone - it is an amazing space and everyone seems so nice. Mostly women, could be interesting with all the hormones running around there, but there was a good mix of younger and older, so the potential is there to meet some new friends maybe. They all said how wonderful a place it is to work and so many of them have been there for years, so that's a great sign. I think this is going to be such a positive step in my life, I can't even begin to fathom it. I have no idea what I'm going to be do exactly workwise, but who cares! It looks like I'm going to be busy, that's all that matters!!
We'll be back next week - I love being on holiday!!!

Grateful Friday!!!

2006-09-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

R and I at the Great Ocean Road, Australia

I'm still reeling from my good news from last night and from handing in my notice today. I was pretty excited and nervous last night, I couldn't get to sleep. Like a little kid waiting for Christmas or something! I woke up early with R this morning (his alarm goes off at 6am!) and couldn't get back to sleep, so went out and had a coffee and journal session before work. I felt sick to my stomach about handing in my notice, but it went so smoothly, I could barely believe it. He just said ok. That was it, seriously! My other boss was a bit sad actually- because he likes me but also because it means a headache for him in the weeks to come. Oh well!! I'm free! Got my last pay check and had lunch with my favorites, just waiting for wine time before I let everyone know what's going on. I love the look on their faces - such surprise. It's great!!

My new job is as the administrative assistant in the Programs Department for Arts Umbrella, a non-profit art school for kids on Granville Island (one of my favorite places in Vancouver and so close to my home as well!). My yoga class is around the corner and my favorite art store is across the street- could be trouble! They have visual and media arts, theatre, music, and dance. My job is to work directly for the Program Director and the Program assistants, plus liase and work with all the instructors (like 100 of them!!), plus numerous other tasks. It sounds like I may actually be busy!! Imagine that. I know it can't be all the time, but I won't be sitting at a desk trying to come up with something to do for 8 hours a day anymore. I know that and I am ready for it too. I'm ready for all of it. I get to start the first week of October, so still get my two weeks holiday. If I had been offered it when I went through the interview process, I wouldn't have been able to take as much holiday - so it couldn't have worked out better. Sigh...I love life.

This week I am Grateful for:

my new job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (like I said, I'm pretty excited) see previous post
being on holiday officially in one hour!!!!!
R's parents arriving on Sunday for their 3 week visit
getting to show off our home and city to someone new
R being so happy for me and doing the dance of joy together, for having him in my life
Arts Umbrella
surviving this job for a whole year (longest I've ever been in one job, no joke. No, I've never been fired either- yes, my life is strange)
my little niece being healthy
the new Razorlight album
"Don't Feel like Dancing" by the Scissor Sisters - I boogie to it everytime it comes on my iPod
BBC Radio One
sweet potato knish's
the sun coming out again
finally having some rain and things green-ing up a bit
Fall coming
getting to snuggle up in bed to stay warm
Oyster Bay wine
how happy I feel, how relieved, how excited
the Universe and its amazing ways (put it out there and watch it come to life)
my new creative outlet (see previous previous post)
getting to really clean our flat tomorrow
this wonderful community I've discovered and for this boring job giving me the chance to find it!
change

We're not leaving town and access to our computer until next Wednesday, so I will still be posting and reading blogs. I hope you all have a great weekend!! I know I'm going to go out and celebrate!

The Universe Comes Through!!!

2006-09-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

Arts Umbrella logo

I had some great news today...remember that job I had the two interviews for at Arts Umbrella? The one they gave to someone else? Well, I got a call from the head of the programming Department today and the girl they hired has decided to take another job...so they offered it to me!!!!!!!!! Of course I said yes!!! I can't believe this is happening! I knew there was a reason that nothing else had come up. I get to go in to work tomorrow and hand in my notice and then go on holiday! Holy crap! I am so excited, in case you can't tell. I needed something to sort itself out and the Universe has delivered. I am a bit nervous about handing in my notice- I have no idea how they are going to react, but my new boss (!!) said she is flexible if I need to give them some extra time. I don't expect it to be a nice moment and I'll be ok. I'm not going to have to sit at that desk anymore and be bored to tears!! How good does that feel??! I can't sit still I'm so excited. Life is going to get better, I can feel it. (Knock on wood of course)

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments about my paintings as well - that made me feel so grateful for this community once again. I wish you were all here to celebrate! R went out and go us some Oyster Bay Sav Blanc, so I'm a happy girl! (we actually worked for that vineyard and the wine is one of our favorites)

I am in love...

2006-09-12T21:24:00.000-07:00

I've found a new creative outlet and I am so in love! (Yes I did these, I still can't believe it myself) I love the feel of the paint, mixing the colours and coming up with anything I want. I love watching how it all plays itself out, having no judgments. The inner critic has yet to show up, which is such a treat. I want to go out and buy hundreds of canvases and just try everything and anything. I love how it got me out of my head for awhile. I love how it helped me forget my shitty day and my even shittier job and let me just create. These are going up in our bedroom. I now know what you have all been going on about! I want to do some mixed media pieces next - mix words with colour and texture and different objects. I think I need to learn more about it all - know any good books or websites I can check out? What are your favorite ways to paint - tools, paints, extras?

I was a bit scared about putting these on here, but wanted to share my excitement with everyone! I am so grateful for all of you and how supportive you are, especially after my post yesterday. I wasn't going to post that either, but thought what the hell. And now I feel so much better. For being brave, for purging it all from my head for awhile. And your comments meant the world to me. Like hugs through the computer screen.

How do you love to create? What gets your juices flowing?!!

Sunday Scribblings

2006-09-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

time travel from cybergus on flickr

This week's prompt: "What I wouldn’t write about… "

I found this prompt hard, even a bit uncomfortable really. I wasn’t sure what I wouldn’t write about. I know that I wouldn’t write a fantasy book or a sci-fi book, simply because I have no experience with these genres. I find too much reality hard to handle sometimes, so I wouldn’t write a real-life story. I don’t know what I wouldn’t write about, it’s too hard to pinpoint, so I decided to do a timed writing and see what came out.

I wouldn’t write about how amazing I am. I wouldn’t write about how many things I have accomplished and how wonderful a person I am. I wouldn’t write that I am a brilliant friend and even better girlfriend. I wouldn’t write that I have so much to offer, that I am being wasted at this job. I wouldn’t write that I deserve to be happy or that I deserve to be in a job where I am successful and feel useful. I wouldn’t write that I am going to be a great mom, caring and open minded and flexible, ready for anything. I wouldn’t write that I am an adventurer at heart, that I like to take risks, that I enjoy new things. I wouldn’t write that change is good. I wouldn’t write that I am beautiful, inside and out. I wouldn’t write that I am afraid of being a mother, that I worry I will be too anxious and miss all the magic. I wouldn’t write that I worry about falling into a depression again. I wouldn’t write that I hate being an anxious person and that I would do anything to stop worrying for even just a day. I wouldn’t write that I am embarrassed that I am working in a place I hate and not getting out of it fast enough. I wouldn’t write that I would trade in my university degree to erase the debt I’m straddled with. I wouldn’t write that I hated 90% of my university experience. I wouldn’t write that I am scared to go after a job I love because then I wouldn’t know what to complain or stress about anymore. I wouldn’t write that I want to work with kids on some level but am too scared to go through all the schooling in case I don’t want to do it once I get there. I wouldn’t write that I feel useless sometimes. I wouldn’t write that I believe in myself. I wouldn’t write that I want to work with young people to help them believe in themselves and follow their dreams. I wouldn’t write that I want to become more creative. I wouldn’t write that I think I am already creative. I wouldn’t write that I think I am brave or strong. I wouldn’t write that I want to stop thinking about a career and working forever. I wouldn’t write that my size doesn’t matter to me, that I am perfect exactly how I am. I wouldn’t write that I don’t care what other people think about me. I wouldn’t write that I like Starbucks coffee. I wouldn’t write that I miss traveling. I wouldn’t write that I wish I had been more relaxed and enjoyed the moment when I was traveling. I wouldn’t write that losing someone I love scares me daily, to the point of tears and/or panic. I wouldn’t write that I think I can handle it, that I can handle anything. I wouldn’t write that I want to make a difference to someone, to the world. I wouldn’t write that I already have done this. I wouldn’t write that I am seen as a positive influence. I wouldn’t write that I can commit to something and stick it out. I wouldn’t write that I want to be a runner, even though I hate every second of it. I wouldn’t write that I am a good writer. I wouldn’t write that I trust I the process. I wouldn’t write that I worry I’m wasting time by being in a job I despise. I wouldn’t write these things because they scare me. They feel like lies sometimes. Or words I’m not supposed to say out loud.

Whew, that was a bit serious. I may be feeling some of the universal grief that's going around today on the 5th anniversary. Or maybe I just needed to open the flood gates a bit. Either way, my other posts this week will be a bit more upbeat, I promise!

Grateful Friday!!

2006-09-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

late imperfect afternoon by strawberry fields on flickr

I haven't posted very much this week for some unknown reason. Just been spending a bit too much time inside my own head, I think. I definitely need a holiday...luckily I will get one in a week's time!! Work has been doing my head in, I've felt disconnected from everything, but especially my blog world. Boredom tends to suck any creative energy out of me, so tv was my distraction most nights this week. I spend so much time thinking about what I can do with my life (a regular obsession for me), and always come up with a different answer. I was talking to my little sis last night - she just started doing her Education degree and is loving it. She said I need to stop fighting the inevitable and go get my Education degree. The inevitable being that our family are teachers. My dad, my mom, my brother, and now my sister are all teachers. She may have a point there, but all I think about is wanting to have babies and the student loan I'm already strapped with. But I told her I'd investigate it and see how viable it is. Just one more possibility to add to my list. It would be nice to know what is the right answer, which is the right direction. Oh well, this too shall pass. How's your week been?

This week, I'm grateful for:

the beautiful sunshine that just seems to continue
fall closing in slowly
R being back on days
my friend Kathleen being back online
my little sis enjoying her new path
my dad started his 40th year of teaching at the same school
getting through another week of work (helped that it was only 4 days!)
our holiday getting ever closer
having a good day at work today - mainly because the accountant was there and she's always fun, our bosses actually took us out for lunch, and we had birthday cake and wine at 3:30, so the day ended early! if it was like that everyday, I'd be very happy!
meeting up with someone from Arts Umbrella (where I had applied for that job) and setting up some volunteering for an event they have coming up
her telling me that several people said they were excited that she was meeting with me
my yoga class and my friend coming with me
our lovely long weekend
lovely emails from my wonderful friends all over the world
my new sunglasses!
US Open Tennis
having no plans this weekend
giant nectarines
this wonderful blogging community

I feel with the change of the season, I need a new banner on here...anyone know how to do that? Denise did such a beautiful job with this one, but I don't know how to make a picture to put up there. I can get it on the page, just not sure how to start. Would be grateful for any suggestions!

Long Weekend Fun in the Sun

2006-09-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

Bowen Island harbour

The mainland from Bowen Island

It's hard to believe that it's September already. I knew it was coming, but wow - it got here fast. We had another great long weekend. Spending time shopping and eating out in new places we've never tried. Jumping on the ferry across to Bowen Island (15 minutes away) to go for a walk and have a brilliant pub lunch with our friends. A bbq on the beach in the beautiful sunshine, catching up with a friend we haven't seen all summer. It was wonderful, but went by too quickly, as always. I made sure I didn't think about how much I was dreading going into work. Everyone keeps saying how its the end of the summer after Labour Day weekend, but I beg to differ. Summer isn't officially over till the end of this month, despite the days getting shorter and the feeling of autumn creeping into everything. Summer is a state of mind, I'm starting to believe. Especially when it's so beautiful outside! And we have been so lucky to have such wonderful weather for the past three months. I'd love for it to hold on until R's parents get here in 10 days!!!

R, Silvina, and Mauriano on the ferry to Bowen Island

I hope everyone else had a great long weekend as well. What did you get up to? I wasn't able to get the comments to work on Blogger this weekend, but have definitely been reading all your wonderful words. I d o feel disconnected ever since I was banned from the internet at work, I've got to get used to only being on here at home.

Grateful Friday Special Edition

2006-09-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

Vancouver Skyline from Stanley Park by canihavemorespamplease on flickr

It was a year ago yesterday R and I moved to Vancouver. Crazy to think I've actually been in one place for a year. The last time I did that was before I went away to university, 12 years ago! Whoa. I thought it would be nice to make a list of the things here I'm grateful for, to mark the occasion and to celebrate our home. A place we love.

The things I am grateful for living in Vancouver:

our wonderful flat (our first home)
our new haunts - Hilary's, the Boathouse, Thai Away Home, Vera's, and others
the West End - being near the beach and Stanley park
Stanley Park
all the beaches
the mountains surrounding us
the smell of the sea
the rain (some of the time anyways!)
our new friends
great patios
Granville Island
the seawall
being so close to everything
R's company helping him out and their new workshop
my job for helping us pay the bills and introducing me to Silvina
2 IKEAs
gelato
long walks
everyone being health conscious (obsessed maybe?)
organic living
the surrounding areas of Vancouver Island and the Okanagan, Whistler, the Sunshine coast, and more we have yet to discover
the simple transit system
a higher standard of living
the artistic community
tennis and golf and running
yoga rocks!- clothing, classes, lifestyle
how happy it makes us both
this beautiful summer (so much sun!)
bbqs on the beach just down the hill from our house
being able to walk to the beach
skiing 25 minutes away (something we will try this year)
snow if you want it, but no bitter cold winters like I'm used to
our landlords and all their help
a large multi-cultural population, so many languages, so many different perspectives
so many opportunities
the main library
the False Creek ferries
so many restaurants to choose from
Commercial Drive, Kits, Cole Harbour, UBC Endowment lands, Jericho, Chinatown

Sure, not everything is perfect. I worry about all the homeless people and the problems with drugs. Some of the locals aren't the nicest people in the world or the easiest to get to know. It is hard to meet new people. And when we want to buy a house, we'll probably have to sell our first born, but it is our home and I have never been as comfortable or as content as I am here. And the fact that we want to build a future here is always a good sign with me. Here' s to our first of many years here!!!

Book Meme, my version

2006-08-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

Bodelian Library (one of my favroites!) from Stuart Yeates, on Flickr

One book that changed your life- I don't know if I can narrow it down to one. Time Traveler's Wife, Poisonwood Bible, God of Small Things, Alanna, Dorothy Dunnet, Eat Pray Love,

One book you have read more than once - the Alanna Books, The Song of the Lioness Series (four in the series); about a girl who disguises herself as a boy to become a knight in a world created by the author. She is willing to do whatever it takes to become a knight of the realm and make a difference in the lives of those around her. She meets some wonderful friends who help her along the way, gets to fall in love, even grows up to become a mother. Her incredible determination and passion help her achieve her goals and she becomes one of the strongest knights in the realm, even once her true identity has been revealed. I wanted to be her, to know what she wanted and be passionate enough to go for it. I still want this! I've read and re-read the whole series about 10 times between when I was 14 and now. I can still read them and love them. These books got me reading again after being frightened away from it when I was 7 years old, scary teacher I think. I think all young girls should read them. My daughters will! Maybe I'll go read them now!

One book you would want on a desert island - Jane Austen's Complete Works or Shakespeare's Complete Works

One book that made you laugh - anything by Bill Bryson, but especially his travel books about England and the one about moving to America, and the one about Australia- actually, anything by Bill Bryson! Laugh out loud funny. He's one of those people I'd love to have lunch with, pick his brain.

One that made you cry - My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult, wow did I ever cry over this one. It made me really miss my sisters and wish I could see them more often.

One book you wish had been written - a book about what you can do after your graduate university and don't know what to do! A guide for life. A book that can tell me what job I would be most happy and fulfilled with, as well as best suited for.

One book you wish hadn't been written - I agree with Susannah on this one, every book that's been written has given us something. If only a yard stick to measure good and bad books by, they have given us something. But then again, Old Man and the Sea was one of the more painful ones I had to read in school that I could have done without.

One book you're currently reading - I'm reading History of Love by Nicole Kraus and would highly recommend it. It's made me laugh out loud in some parts and want to cry in others. It's about an old man who survived the Holocaust and a young girl trying to deal with her father's death and help her mother with her grief. And all of it surrounds a book called the History of Love. Go find it! Everything else has been put on hold till I finish this one.

One book you loved as a kid - Go Dog Go, by P.D. Eastman. I loved the picture of the dogs up n the tree having a party. Or The Paperbag Princess, by Robert Munsch - gotta love girl power! Children's books that I would love to write.

One book that is your all time favorite (this year) - A Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger. This book was amazing, it touched me on so many levels and was such a breath of fresh air in its originality and creativity. The story comes out of an unrealistic premise of being able to travel through time, but I felt like it was really possible after reading this! It must be! And the characters were so real to me, I wanted to go out for dinner and wine with them and learn more about their story. It made me laugh, it made me cry. I want everyone I know, and everyone I don't know, to read this! It is a must. My favorite book of all time changes, so I'm sure I'll find more to add to the list!

I love reading, I love the escape, the journey, the lessons, the ideas and creativity you witness through someone else's words and imagination. I love celebrating how something goes into writing smoething and going through the process to get it on a shelf for me to read. I love going to the library and leaving with my arms loaded with books, even the ones that smell like dust and mildew. I love going to a bookstore and getting lost for hours in all the different sections and titles. What would we do without books?!! They are as important to me as music, maybe even more so. Maybe it's a tie...

Sunday Scribblings

2006-08-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

Grover, brought to you by Sesame Street

This week's prompt - Monster.
My first thought when I read the prompt was that a Monster had to be something scary, but I don't think mine is. It definitely had its moments, but in general, I'm so grateful that it's been and is still a part of me. My monster is the Travel Bug.

I traveled a lot with my family when I was young. My mom is American, so we would drive down to Virginia every other year to visit her family. We also traveled around eastern Canada, but the Travel Bug didn't come alive inside of me until I left home and started to travel on my own. My first big trip was to San Francisco for the summer during university to stay with my aunt and uncle. I had never gone so far away all on my own before, so this was a big step. My life changed dramatically that summer - my eyes were opened, my confidence came alive, and I knew that I had to see as much of the world as I could. And now was the time, before I had too many responsibilities. I was bitten, hard, and fell under the hold of the Travel Bug big time! Nothing else mattered anymore, I need to get on a plane and fly far away. Traveling felt like such a great way to run away from the parts of my life and myself that I didn't like; to be someone totally different and free from comparisons and expectations, a way to avoid all responsibilities and just be, just see how the world worked and how I fit into it. I could go somewhere new and start over, as many times as I wanted to. I was totally convinced this was the way I wanted to live my life. My Monster was in total control.

Of course, I realized pretty quickly that you can never run away from yourself, from who you are or your responsibilities. Expectations never go away, they just change. And I was faced with a whole set of new issues. I was amazed at how much "stuff" came up while I was on my first adventure in the UK, away from home for 2 years. I think my parents are still paying for some of the many phone calls I made in tears from phone booths across England! I had removed everything familiar and all the walls I had hid behind for so many years- now I was faced with all those issues I had been avoiding for so long. And as hard as I tried to run away, from town to town, from one job to another, I finally realized I had to sit down and deal with it all. I came home and went into therapy and tried to settle down for a while. The Travel Bug was having none of that though!

I was on a plane again, less than two years later. I couldn't find a way to get comfortable back home in Canada- I moved four times in two years. Trying to find something that felt right, that felt like it did when I was overseas, but it was futile. I knew deep down my traveling days were not over yet. I took a job back in my hometown, at the private school I had gone to- working as a house parent in the residence and substitute teaching. It was a great way to save money and helped me buy my plane ticket for Australia. There wasn't one day while I was home that I didn't try to come up with a way to get back out there, to escape once again. Not one single day. Traveling was freedom to me and I wasn't ready to sacrifice that sensation for any sort of "normal" life - even if I had student loans to pay or career ideas to explore. I liked myself better when I was a foreigner, when I was traveling, when I had nothing tying me down and no one around me who didn't understand me. As a backpacker, I was amongst people who were all going through the same thing, who were all running away from something, who were all there to explore life to the fullest while they had the chance - it was completely addictive!!

Everything changed as soon as I met and fell in love with Richard. It was then that I finally stated to think settling down might have some benefits. But luckily we both loved to travel and due to immigration circumstances, we continued to do so for another couple years. And we both look forward to traveling with our children and there are still some continents left for us to explore. South America, all of Europe, maybe even Africa one day. The Travel Bug made me do some crazy things, even make some irrational decisions sometimes, but it also helped me be brave and take chances. It gave me the push I needed to go after something different and I will forever be grateful for its help in becoming who I am today.
Some monsters aren't all that bad.
For more Sunday Scribblings, go here.

Grateful Friday!

2006-08-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run

than outright exposure.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

- Helen Keller-

I actually missed my first grateful friday - guess that's what happens when you have a life and aren't allowed on the computer at work! I couldn't go without it though, so here it is.

This week I am grateful for:

my R finishing his night shifts!!!
being able to go back to a "normal" life for now
having remembered that I don't mind spending time with myself
my yoga classes
walking to work for over three months now!
the excitement and promise of fall
the beautiful weather we are still having - how lucky have we been! no rain really since June started
getting through another week of work without too many tears
feeling positive about not getting the job and looking forward to the opportunities its going to open regardless
being brave and sending out my CV to a couple more places
knowing I will be on holiday in three weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
getting our holiday (almost) all sorted out and finding some nice places to stay
getting to talk to my little sis
my other little sis getting to her new home at uni in one piece
my brother and the kids starting another new school year relatively unscathed
the Brand New Heavies cd
our clean flat
a nice weekend to wander around our city with no purpose
clean clothes!
new canvases to paint - my turn now!
my friend Kathleen and her kind words
getting time to write - brainstorming children's stories I can write while I'm at work (must be a reason why I'm not allowed on the computer and don't have anything to do right?)
my love handles - can't seem to get rid of them so I might as well love em!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!!!

Poetry Thursday

2006-08-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

I stole this idea from Becca - I love it! It pulls out the words you use most in your blog. And you can have it made into a tshirt too - how cool is that!! I know this week's prompt was time, but I have just had too much of it on my hands today and don't want to think about it anymore. But this list of words is a poem in itself...maybe?

I found out that I didn't get the job today, finally. I had a really good chat with the woman I'd interviewed with and she said they had a really hard time deciding but gave it to someone who's be working there for 5 years. She had showed them the commitment, etc., but that it wasn't anything against me. She wants to keep my CV on file and call me when something else comes up, that things are changing all the time and they are growing, so who knows. I said I'd love to do some volunteering with them and there is actually an event in October. She was quite excited about that and said it will be good for everyone to get to know me better and me to understand the organization better. So, all in all, I feel quite positive about it. Don't get me wrong- I would've loved the job, but I got some practice in interviewing and now have a chance to volunteer there and meet new people and help out. Everything happens for a reason, doesn't it.

That time of year again...

2006-08-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

Convocation Hall, Kings Edgehill School

(and yes, I wore that uniform for 6 years!)

It's that time of year again - summer is winding down, back to school sales have started already (isn't it getting earlier each year?!!!), and everyone's gearing up to get back to it. Even though its been years since I was in school (8 to be exact), I still get that September feeling - the anticipation of something new and exciting, the change in the weather, the promise of adventure. I grew up on the campus of Kings Edgehill School - the oldest private school in Canada - where my dad has been teaching forever, he starts his 40th year next month. He met my mom when she was teaching at the girls school (Edgehill, before they joined together) and they lived on the campus until I was 18. We were so lucky to grow up on the campus- it was safe and a huge playground to fill with our imaginations and adventures!

I remember climbing all the trees on the field outside our house, watching the initiation mud run for all the new students, going for walks in the woods with my mom and dad and siblings and friends, skating on the pond (birthplace of hockey!!), sledding down the front hill in the winter, riding my bike around all summer when everyone had gone home, teaching myself to kick with my left foot on the soccer field outside our house, playing tennis and ball hockey, learning to skateboard, my brother's treeforts, my mom's huge garden, every door knob in the house for some reason, my lovely little room, all the secret hideaways in our old house (over 100 years old!), our wonderful old house in general, the leaf pile every fall...so many things.

I've decided that if I could find a way, I would go to school for the rest of my life. (I think I always get this way in September.) Enough of this working life malarky, I want to spend my days learning new things, writing, reading, researching, just escaping behind books and lectures. Going to art school, learning photography, a new language, how to build a shelf or fix a car, how to cook more things, how to illustrate children's books, how to be a yoga instructor, more about the history of all the different cultures around the world. There are so many things! Maybe I need to sign up for a course just to use my brain again. I wasn't even that happy at university, but it wasn't the learning that I didn't enjoy. If only we could go to school and still collect a pay check...wouldn't that be heaven?!! Does September make you think of school with longing?

Keeping things in perspective...

2006-08-21T21:58:00.000-07:00

from Odelot on Flickr

It's been a hard week, I won't sugar coat it. I've already been on edge lately with applying for new jobs, interviewing, and waiting for news - but this past week it only got tougher. My job is now a place that makes me not only (still) feel angry and frustrated, but also insecure, unsure of myself, and anxious - to get out of there, to not rock the boat, to feel safe again. I already mentioned I was banished from the internet (a story I'm too scared to post because I'm afraid they will find my blog and fire me- yes, I have become paranoid! but I will share it as soon as I can!), which had been my only refuge for this past year. (And I miss blogging so much, I feel so disconnected and its only been a few days!) Not sure what made them decide now that it wasn't appropriate, but it just goes to show how little they really see me in that office. I've always been bored there, with very little to do, so now I have even less and even more time to sit and contemplate things - not a good thing for me. I've been playing phone tag with the woman about the job I had two interviews for, not sure what her verdict is going to be, but I'll be quite happy to simply know an answer - no matter what. I'm busy putting more cover letters together and keep my eyes on the job pages, but I've just been feeling like it cannot. happen. fast. enough.
In the old days, when I was traveling, I would've just left a place that made me feel like this. I wouldn't have tried to make it work, or see how to change my perspective- I would have just made my excuses and evaporated. It seemed so simple that way. No confrontation, no discomfort, no stress. Now, it's time to grow up. I need to deal with it and find a way to be able to cope for as long as needs be. I am going to get out of there, but it may take some time. It may take some discomfort. It may take some faith. I can feel it all there, under the surface, but on top, I just feel fragile. Like this is too hard. But, that's usually when I find my strongest motivation, and the inner strength I need to move forward. Sometimes it has to get so bad that I feel like I'm going to explode before I am brave enough to take the chances I need, to push myself beyond my comfort zone once more. Well, I am officially so ready.
Ready to do whatever I need to in order to find a job that satisfies me on more levels than just filling my bank account. I'm ready to push through the pain and just go for it. I'm ready to find a job I enjoy, where I get to help people, where I get to make a difference, where I am appreciated for what I can do, for making a contribution.

I've been feeling a bit low, a bit shaky, a bit on edge, but walking home tonight from yoga class with a bright pink horizon and beautiful dark blue sky surrounding me, and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, I remembered what life is really about. I found my necessaryand much needed perspective. Life isn't about grumpy people, or insecurities, or finding an escape route- it's about beauty, and simplicity, quiet, and nature. It's about being loved, and being aware of every single moment for the gift that it is. I needed that.

graTefuL fRidAy!!

2006-08-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

This week I am grateful for:

it being friday finally
getting to sleep in for the next two days
our new wine glasses from our first dinner guests last weekend!
our first dinner guests!
going to Flugtag tomorrow - this is going to be hilarious!
the sun being out big time
my yoga classes
my white skirt
email from one of my favorite bloggers!
the Republic Pub we discovered tonight (check out photo of the bar!)
going out for dinner with my Richard
our plans coming together slowly for his parents visit next month
finding more jobs to apply for (still haven't heard anything about the other one)
the real hope that I will find a new job and get the hell out of this one!
being virtually banned from the internet at work (stupid story I will tell you once I'm not there anymore - needless to say its motivated me big time to move on)
my sis' husband being home for a whole weekend (he's been away doing research)
my nieces getting reayd to start school and being excited about it!
my sister in law getting her own time back after being a stay at home mom
the English Premiere League (soccer) starting tomorrow morning - someone in my house is very happy!
getting a chance to see some of our friends this weekend
Pride and Prejudice, the BBC production - I could watch this a million times and never get sick of it (thanks Mom!) Or the new one too!

I'll stop now, getting carried away. I hope you all have a great weekend too!!

Poetry Thursday

2006-08-15T14:19:00.000-07:00

heavenly shower by Pink Hibiscus on flickr

This week's totally optional post on Poetry Thursday is to do what we want - and I found a great place to play with poetry. Of course, I found it through Sark's website, but I am now officially addicted. It's the Magnetic Poetry website!! I've always seen these on other people's fridge's, even spent many a moment playing with them and being silly, but this site is great! And so addictive!! It lets you try out all the different types of sets and see what you can come up with. I liked closing my eyes and just seeing what random words came out! Here are a couple of my own: Pyschadelic Stroke
did we speak?

Too much fun! I'd love to see what you can come up with - send me the link or a copy in the comments if you want.

Sunday (on Monday) Scribblings

2006-08-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.

What you'll discover will be wonderful.

What you'll discover is yourself.

~Alan Alda~

This week's prompt, "Who else can I still be?". ( I love this prompt!!!)

I can still become a woman who doesn't worry so much. I can still become someone who doesn't end up choking on her own anxiety. I can still become a woman who takes care of her health and loves to exercise. I can still become a woman who doesn't care what other people think and doesn't get caught up in people pleasing. I can still become a woman who is proud of who she is, of the life she has lead and is creating. I can still become someone who doesn't beat herself up so easily. I can still become someone who has been doing yoga for decades. I can still become a yoga instructor. I can still become someone who learns how to meditate and let go, to trust in myself and the Universe. I can become someone who knows peace. I can still become a woman who loves herself unconditionally and easily.

I can still become someone who writes children's books. Who has her own creative outlet in making cards and writing letters and in her journal. Someone who helps young women (and boys too) find their own inner strength and authenticity through journal writing. I can still become a woman who has an impact on others, especially on young kids. I can still become someone who enjoys her job, who is passionate about what she does. Who has figured out who she wants to be in her career.

I can still become a mother. I can still experience that adventure in all its entirety. I still have that to look forward to. I can still become a mother who is calm and not charged up on anxiety. I can still become a wife to the man I love. I can become a home owner, someone who has a garden to tend to and a place to design. I will still get to create a home for my own family. Maybe even several homes all over the world.

I can still be someone who travels and gets to see the world. I can still become someone who has a passport full of stamps and a memory full of experiences. I can still be someone who helps those in other countries to live a better, fuller life. I can still be someone who can make a difference to those who need it, all over the world.

I can already start to see her in the mirror, just need to be bold and keep plugging away.

For more discoveries, go to Sunday Scribblings

Update on the job situation - was supposed to know by today, but she called to say someo fthe decision makers had been away, so will be by the end of the week, hopefully!! Man, I was all ready to find out as well. Oh well, I'll know soon enough. At least they aren't saying no yet!

Grateful Friday

2006-08-11T20:53:00.000-07:00

Glassworks by librairianguish from Flickr

Bit late this week, but can't forget my list! This week I am grateful for:

my Richard
all the support I've been getting
it being a four day week
it being the weekend already!
being brave
our friends Silvina and Mauriano - our first real dinner guests
our lovely computer
a few cloudy days
the sun coming out as we finished work today
having a good cry last night, think I needed it
Rich getting off work early
IKEA
my journal
juicy nectarines
the Atlantic Trap and Grill for dinner (local East Coast pub)
actually being a bit homesick- doesn't happen often!
having no plans this weekend
our road trips last weekend
avocados
getting into Grey's Anatomy finally (never watched this show till the re-runs this summer, but see what all the talk is about!)
my yoga class
my sister and her hubby's first anniversary on Sunday - what a wonderful time we had last summer being altogether with them
my dad feeling much better

What are you grateful for?!!

Poetry Thursday

2006-08-10T13:34:00.000-07:00

This week's totally optional prompt on Poetry Thursday is "Unfinished Conversations". I've actually written one of my own, probably one of the only poems I've ever written - so be gentle. I saw the prompt and instantly thought of a destroyed friendship. A friend I met when I first started traveling- through a series of coincidences, we ended up at the same place at the same time and became instant friends. We helped each other through the adventure of being so far away from home and built a strong friendship based on being dependent on each other for support and guidance. It felt healthy at the time, but really wasn't in any way. After we came home, she went to university and headed down that road, while I kept traveling and learning more about myself that way. Once I fell in love, the balance in our relationship was unhinged. I was always the one who was desperate and alone and afraid to take chances. She was the one who came to my rescue - we always found a way to twist things to keep both sides feeling useful. I got brave and went overseas again and found my own strength, my authentic self, and then met Rich, so I didn't need her anymore. Things went down hill from there.
(You know what was always the biggest bone of contention between us - money. From day one. She came from a family with very full pockets and bank accounts (who had worked hard for it too, so I don't blame them), while I was struggling under the weight of student loan debt. We could never see eye to eye and it caused too many rifts to even bother repairing. What is that?)
I've struggled to let it go and move on, to forgive myself for what I was going through when we were friends, to forgive her for ignoring me and criticizing who I was. The actual destruction is a long story, which I don't feel like going into, but it's time to let it go and move on. I still get angry, even just thinking about it makes me mad. It's mostly because I know she out there with a distorter view of who I am, of who I've become. I have to accept that, and trust that I am ok just as I am, no matter what she thinks. Have you ever lost a friendship you thought was there for good?

Words Never Said

Strangers in a strange land,
Finding each other
When we felt most alone.
We spent so many hours on the phone,
In our living room and cafes,
Drinking tea, dancing,
Laughing, crying,
Growing,
Dreaming,
Wondering.

Teaching and learning from each other.
New experiences shared,
Old experiences unraveled.
We were going to be there for each other,
No matter what.
When we were gray and old and stiff,
We were going to lean on each other.
Until you were gone.

The silence was so hard
After so much support and love.
You turned away
Without explanation,
Without warning.
We were best friends,
Inseparable,
Tied through understanding,
Through unbreakable friendship.

I saw your face through the window
On the bus.
It had been two years and no word.
Life had taken us inevitably
Down different roads,
But I wasn't ready to let go.
I still thought we could go back.

The words in your letter
Cut deep and have left scars.
They'll heal,
But I may always wonder
How things could change so much.
How things could be seen
In such a different light.
How you could forget
All the good and only see the bad?
I still want to shout
At you for deserting me.
For seeing me as someone I'm not.

Ours was an unhealthy relationship
At the best of times.
But I am grateful for
What you did give me,
The love and the acceptance,
The belly laughs and dancing,
As well as the hurt and awareness
That I couldn't go on as I was,
As we were.

I'll hold all our memories
Close to my heart,
But I'm letting you go.
I don't need you anymore.
I don't need the guilt or the regret.
I forgive you, as well as myself,
And I'm not going to
Apologize for who I was,
Or who I have become.

The journey is the destination

2006-08-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

untitled by Rosemary found on Flickr

There seems to be a lot of energy and contemplation running around my blogging world this week. Posts about not taking things for granted, for living in the moment and being present. Posts about our bodies, about being completely accepting of ourselves no matter what, loving ourselves unconditionally and treating ourselves as well as we treat others. Lots of big thoughts, real thoughts, about life and living it to its fullest. It all leaves me in awe, really. Of what incredible women you all are, and how amazing life is.
My mind has been thinking a lot about how there is no destination that I should be striving for - that life is about just enjoying the journey and seeing that as my destination instead. I've spent so much of my life waiting for something to happen to fix things or make it all better, using that as an excuse not to act, but I'm not going to do that anymore. I struggle trying to find the balance between accepting myself and my life as it is right now and finding a way to grow into the woman I want to become. At what point do you stop saying its ok and start making a change? At what point do you stop trying to change things and just be?

I'm going to keep learning how to love myself as authentically as possible. I'm going to keep learning how to stay in the moment and be fully present at every opportunity. I'm going to continue to do my Grateful Friday lists and appreciate everything I have and the blessings I continue to receive. And I'm going to make sure my loved ones know how much they mean to me and how lucky I am to have each of them in my life, all the time!! And of course, take it one day at a time...don't want to put too much pressure on myself all at once, now do I!!

Go read Meg's post and Ruby's too, Rachel's and Liz's and Michelle's posts for more thoughts on all of this. Just by talking about these issues, we are all making it easier to understand and to voice what we are experiencing, it's amazing stuff!!

Sunday Scribblings and Photos

2006-08-07T19:05:00.000-07:00

Sea to Sky Highway, heading south to Vancouver

Pemberton

Green Lake, Whistler

Here are some photos from our weekend adventures! We had a great time driving around our area, seeing more of what a gorgeous place it is here. Saturday we took our Argentinian friends (who are too much fun!!) to Cultus Lake park for a picnic and wade in the water. We drove around Fraser Valley, looking at the beautiful farms and scenery with the mountains all around. Ice cream and a stop for beer topped off the day. We came home to the fireworks finale, which meant driving around for over and hour trying to get to our building, as all the roads were shut for the event! Too funny!! Rich also drove for the first time in Canada, on the other side of the road and car and did great!! It was so nice to share the driving with someone.

On Sunday, we got up and drove up the Sea to Sky Highway through Squamish and up to Whistler and the little town of Pemberton just passed it. Not much happening there, but the scenery was amazing!! We had a picnic near some waterfalls, keeping all our garbage together to keep the bears away. Stopped in Whistler for a quick visit - the ski hill is now a playground for serious mountain bikers. I've never seen anything like it! The jumps were unbelievable!! And they all had armour on, something new to me! The drive back was gorgeous, the bright blue sky and mountains with green and snow - we couldn't take enough photos really. I can't wait till his parents get here in September and we can show them all of these beautiful places and more. Let's hope for sunny days then too!! Look what we missed while we were away...

This week's Sunday Scribblings prompt - "Who I might have been?" I've done a 10 minute timed writing...

Who would I have been if I hadn't been born in Windsor, Nova Scotia - a town of 3000 people? Would I have wanted to travel if I had grown up in a big city like Vancouver? Would I have still had the desire to see the world and learn what's really out there?
If I had never gotten on that plane to go to San Francisco for the summer to live with my aunt and uncle, I may never have contracted the Travel Bug and seen what opening myself up to a bigger world really felt like. Who would I have been without all of those stamps in my passport and that experience under my belt? I never would have met Rich or all my wonderful friends from all over the world. I may never have learned who I am and who I want to be, at least not on the same level, if I had stayed somewhere safe.
I might have stayed in my small town, found a nice local boy and settled down, raised a family, become a teacher, and enjoyed a quiet life. I may have moved to a city, started a life there working in publishing and editing novels. Maybe I would have found another way to help people- a counselor or psychologist.

Who would I have been if I had been born in England or somewhere in Europe? Or if I had been born in a different century- maybe the 16th or 18th century instead? Would I have let my life be ruled by men or been there to help make a change? Who would I have been if I was born as a man? What sort of man would I have become?
Who might I have been if I had never gone to university to avoid being in debt? Would I still be able to find a good job? Would I miss having had those experiences?
This prompt seems to have only opened up more questions than answers!! Makes me think how little decisions can make a big difference just as much as life changing ones.

Grateful Friday

2006-08-04T14:18:00.000-07:00

Trinity St., Cambridge from lovemaus on Flickr

Can't believe it's friday again already, wow. We get a long week as well and I am so ready for it!!

This week I'm grateful for:

R having four nights (and days) off in a row!!
it being a long weekend - love 3 day weekends
finding out I have a second interview for that fabulous job next week!
being able to relax and just enjoy my time off (hopefully)
renting a car and getting out of town
the hiking were going to be doing
the sunshine we're having and a good forecast for the weekend
big fireworks finale tomorrow night
getting to see our friends
talking to my nieces and nephew last night - so cute, so grown up!
my new book
new music for my iPod (I love KT, lost her stuff when we got a new computer)
my little sis sounding so happy to be back in civilization again
my other little sis and brother getting to spend a week together (so jealous!)
a new month, full of new possibilities
my yoga classes
re-connecting with a friend from my early traveling days - yeah Rebecca!
R having a productive week at work finally
getting to talk on Messenger with my friend in Halifax everyday this week!
emails from my mom's family
all the support I'm getting about my hope to find a new job (thank you everyone!)
What are you Grateful for?!?!

poetry thursday

2006-08-03T16:49:00.000-07:00

She is Love, by Oasis

Oh when the sunshine beckons to ya
And your wings begin to unfold
The thoughts you bring and the songs you sing
Are gonna keep me from the cold

And if the sword is here among ya
And its words may wound my soul
You can fill me up with what you've got
Cos my heart's been keeping old

She is love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe her when she speaks
Love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe, I do believe her when she speaks

You're in all my thoughts of passion
And the dreams of my delight
Whatever stirs my mortal frame
Will you keep it warm at night

I don't know where you come from
No I haven't got a clue
All I know is I'm in love
With someone who loves me too

She is love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe her when she speaks
Love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe, I do believe her when she speaks
She is love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe her when she speaks

She is love
And her ways are high and steep
She is love
And I believe, I do believe her when she speaks
I do believe her when she speaks
I do believe her when she speaks
I do believe her when she speaks

Lyrics look funny when you write them down. This is one of my favorite songs. Makes me think of my R and when we were first getting to know each other. I love the fourth verse. Poetry to music, what more could you ask for?

Some Days...

2006-08-02T18:36:00.000-07:00

artwork by R (yes, my R!!)

Most days I'm really good at keeping it all at bay when I'm at work - the boredom, the frustration, the monotony, the anger and the fear. I can keep them all outside the door and easily get on with my day. But there are some days when they walk right through the door behind me in the morning and I can't get rid of them. That was today. I felt deflated and exasperated, just so tired of having to come up with something to do. I know it's my hormones and being tired, but that still doesn't make it any easier. I'm always hoping they will give me stuff to do, but today I wanted to throw it back at them and tell them to do those stupid things themselves! Do you need me to hold your hand too?? Yes, I'm getting bitter. It's definitely time to move on. I can so relate to Ruby's post - feeling like I'm treading water sometimes. But a change is a comin', I just gotta be patient. Let go, and trust.

I am loving the painting that R did this week!! I'm so amazed at his creativity, all the time. He just decided that we needed some colour in our flat, bought some canvases and off he went. He had a "plan", but not really, he started with that and just went with the flow. There is so much I can learn from him. I scare too easily when it comes to art - I need it to look exactly like what's in my mind, or else I get frustrated. He started and waited to see what wanted to come out. Much easier. I can take some lessons from his art and put it towards all aspects of my life. I am so lucky to have him. Sigh.

Sunday Scribblings...on monday!

2006-07-31T21:47:00.000-07:00

This week's post is "My 2 Cents"...
I went to see a brilliant film today, An inconvenient Truth, the environmental film by Al Gore. It was absolutely fascinating. And poignant. And intelligent. And easy to understand. And made me think. And so powerful. And everyone should go see it, or read the book, or at least check out the website. He is a very interesting man, trying to really make a difference in our world, for our planet. I didn't even know he was such an environmentalism - how did he run for President and I didn't know that? Bizarre. He explains what global warming is and shows how in the past 30-40 years things have really heated up all over our globe. How it's only going to continue to get worse. The Earth is getting a kick in the ass and she is finally faltering and we can actually do something about it to stop it and start taking care of Her again. The credits for the film carried several suggestions for ways to star making a change, things that we as individuals can actually do that will help our planet - why wouldn't anyone want to do this? Being energy efficient, driving hybrid cars or at least ones with better emission controls, walking and riding our bikes, recycling, and several other things. We as individuals can make a difference, it is possible. Or at least I believe it is. And it is absolutely necessary!! These scientists aren't making this stuff up, there isn't any reason to really. It's our media and our politicians who are warping the facts in order to control our thoughts and our understanding of the world around us. They do this in so many ways, but the environment isn't something we can ignore anymore. We need to show them that it is a worthwhile issue to bring to the table of the political climate. That it is worth their time. Even our own Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, who I didn't vote for and who scares me, has a lot of work to do in this area. It's not just Bush ruining the world on this one. (But we can still blame him, he probably deserves it anyways!)I don't want parts of Europe to disappear underneath the ocean before my grandchildren can see them. I don't want to lose parts of San Francisco under the bay. Or have to face the incredible crisis of millions of people being displaced from their homes because the have ended up under water. Not when there is a chance to stop it. And the chance is right now. That's my two sense for today. I think I've found a new passion. Go see this movie and bring your friends.
On another totally different note, had my interview today and it went well. or as far I can tell it did - I don't know how you can tell if you nailed one or not. But they were really nice women, the place was fantastic, and the job sounds fab. They'll let me know by the end of the week if I'm going in for a second interview next week, so keep your fingers crossed. This is pretty serious stuff, never having been through such a process I'm a bit blown away. Thanks for all your support!!I know if this isn't the one, there is a job out there waiting for me - now that I'm actually ready to go for it.

GRatEfuL FriDaY!!!

2006-07-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

Emerald in Flight by chi liu from Flickr

Today I am grateful for:

all the wonderful words on my comments this week! loving my blog ladies!
my amazing R, how lucky am I?
a cloudy day today, bit of a break from the heat
it being friday!!
pay day on Monday
things starting to change in the right direction
Tiger Woods winning the Open - still makes me want to cry
my parents enjoying a wonderful holiday together
my sister and my brother and the families getting together (God, I wish we were there too!!)
my mom helping me with my resume and cover letter - she's so good!!
the Universe helping me out, once again
being brave and asking my yoga instructor a question
my friend getting back from her holidays
talking to our friends in England on the phone for ages
my little sis sorting out her broken hand finally
my health
all the wonderful sunshine
where we live
blueberries
the fact that my boss is going on holiday next week - thank God!!!!!
being able to sleep better now that it's cooled off again
having something to do at work today, gets me to the weekend faster!
this book - so far, wow - and she's just got to India!
my close friend's 30th birthday this weekend! Happy Birthday Kara!!

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Fireworks!

2006-07-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

found on Google

It was the first night of the Celebration of Light fireworks competition tonight - I'm still in awe as it just finished! There are 4 countries competing - Italy tonight, China, Czech Republic and Mexico, plus a grand finale on the fourth night as well. I'd forgotten how amazing fireworks are!! I felt like a little kid oohing and aahing my way through it! So many colours and I love the big boom sound the big ones make. I was able to watch it from our living room window- it's that close. Right in our neighborhood, at my beach, with 300,000 of our closest friends. I would probably be in bed by now, but they all have to get home - you can only imagine the racket!! I tried to take some pics to post on here, but how impossible is that really?!! Pointless too because then I miss the actual show. Saturday night, we're going to have a bbq down on the beach and watch them from there - make a night of it. Isn't this what summer is all about?!! Man there's a lot of people out there!!! I loved hearing them cheering when it was done- made me teary even, to think this is my home now.

I wanted to say thank you for all your wonderful comments about the pictures I posted yesterday - made me all warm and fuzzy inside. And I'll be less afraid to do it again next time. Check out Liz's post to see the challenge she is giving herself and join her if you'd like. I'm hoping to be brave enough to join her, but haven't committed yet.

On an even brighter note than the pic above, I got some good news today. I sent in my CV (aka resume) yesterday for a job I'd really like to have - I'm actually scared to write it down in case I don't get it or jinx it, but here it goes - an admin job in the project department at an art school for young people on Granville Island here in Vancouver. Whew. It sounds like everything I've been searching for and found myself asking for as soon as I saw the ad - art school, working for and with young people, for a foundation, making a difference to the lives of people in my community, working on Granville Island, and there's room for growth and other opportunities if I can get my foot in the door. They called me today to set up an interview for Monday!!! If you can't tell, I'm very excited!! I'm a bit nervous about leaving my current job, despite the fact that it's sucking the life out of me daily, but I'll deal with that (if and) when I have to. Like I said before, if it's meant to be, it will be. There will be another job if this isn't the one. I'm totally trusting the Universe on this one- I was ready to murder my boss or run screaming from work today, then Rich called with the message - thank you Universe, once again. I've never actually wanted a job before - this is the first one in my entire life. Dead serious. Bit scary really. Luckily, I've got my mom (the Career Counsellor) to help me prepare and my Richard to hug me and help me breath. (And celebrate with me as well maybe - knock on wood!)

So maybe these fireworks were for me too - to celebrate a chance taken and the possibility of a new life beginning with a bang!!

Quick post (for a change!)

2006-07-25T21:18:00.000-07:00

Me and my Love

I was a bit nervous about posting these photos of me, but decided after Liz's post to share my face more often with myself and the world. I've already decided that once the summer is over, I'm going to get my hair cut shorter, something much more fun. Tired of the ponytail look. We all look very warm in these photos from the heat, but the wine and fresh air cooled us off eventually!

Rich being silly!

Me (looking tired) and Silvina

Wine, Sun, and Furniture

2006-07-24T15:30:00.000-07:00

Mauriano, Silvina, and R

I don't know why my photos turn out darker than the originals when I post on here, but they do! You can barely see my friend Silvina with her tan in the middle! They are our favorite Argentineans and our close friends in Vancouver. We all met for a drink before we headed over to my boss' place for our staff bbq. The party turned out to be a good time, at least we all thought so. The younger staff stationed ourselves at the table in the middle of the back garden and didn't move, except for more wine and food. Not sure why it always ends up that way, but we always seem to separate ourselves from the older members- lack of conversation I think. I'm sure I sensed jealousy though, as they all wished they were sitting with us and laughing to pee their pants like I was. Might have had something to do with the wine, though! It was a beautiful night and so wonderful to be outside in the cool air after sweltering through the afternoon. And the food was fantastic, his wife put on quite the spread. Made me glad to be working here - sure it didn't last past this morning when I came back to the office, but I did experience the gratitude.

Did anyone else bawl their eyes out watching Tiger Woods win the Open Championships yesterday? Or was it just me? How touching was it to see him crying with grief for his father who past away three months ago, who would never see him play again? Not being able to let go of his caddy and hugging his wife? I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. It made me love him even more to see such a human side to him. I almost forget how much life is really happening all around these professional athletes, and yet they show up everyday and push through, do their best. It makes me want to be a professional athlete- I'd be a tennis player or a golfer for sure. The commitment and desire just blows my mind. Going after their dreams and goals with such discipline, I'm in awe regularly. And getting be fit for a living...sounds pretty good to me!

R and I went sofa shopping yesterday - trying to decide whether to get one now or wait till we can save up more and get something really nice. Loved everything at EQ3, go check out their website, very funky! We have a love seat only at the moment, a generous gift from our local friends when we first moved to the city- before that we were sitting on the floor. With his parents coming soon, we thought this would be a good time,but it is an intense process, full of imagination and price tags and fabrics that I cannot for the life of me visualize as actual size and in my flat! You gotta get it right the first time as well, they aren't going to sort it out for you! Any advice for a virgin furniture buyer? The first house stuff I ever bought was last October when we moved into our flat and IKEA made that easy. This is the real deal and I'm faltering...at least we are both on the same page with what style and size and comfort factor we're after. I couldn't imagine doing this with our heads butting together.

We've rented a car for the long weekend coming up in August, going to do a couple day trips to some parks and hikes around us. We couldn't decide where to go away over night, so decided to do day trips instead. We're saving the big holiday for when R's parents get here in September - 2 and a half weeks or being the tour guides, I can't wait! We'll be doing the wine country and Vancouver Island and maybe hit the mountains as well when they are here. See what we want as well! Can I just say that two weeks paid holiday is a sin, complete nonsense! In England you get what, 3 weeks at the very least?? R and I are still trying to get used to this after having 3-4 month holidays for the past few years while we were traveling. Working a bit to fill the bank account, then months away on the road. Sounds much better to me as I sit here on yet another beautiful sunny day, missing it.

Grateful friday!

2006-07-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

Sunflowers by true nature

Having one of those days where I want to hit someone! It will probably pass, once I leave work I'm sure, but it's got me thinking of a few things I could use today:

- sweat absorbers to put under my arms- man it's hot out!
- a punching bag to get rid of my work frustrations (before I actually hit someone for real)
- enough alcohol to get me through the staff bbq at my boss' house tomorrow with a smile!
- a way to erase these extra 15 pounds I don't want (not a way to lose them because then I'll just find them again, I'm sure!!)
- a special way to speed up the clock to 5pm, then slow it down until I go to bed

And of course, my grateful friday list! This week I am grateful for:

R finding out he doesn't have to work again till Monday night! a proper weekend
summer weather, even if it is sweltering
going to the beach after work
Blizzards from Dairy Queen
American Apparel
my parents having a wonderful time on their holiday in Prince Edward Island; we used to go there every summer when I was little, I miss it!
Debbie the accountant being here today
fruit salads galore
reading this book - very bizarre, but I can't put it down! love her writing
buying this one for $10! and hardcover too!
getting this book from the library finally after hearing so much about it from all my bloggers
having a sweater to keep me warm at work - the temperature difference from outside to in here is ridiculous!
my little sis feeling better about her job and getting her broken hand looked at again (she's in the boonies of northern BC, this was not an easy task!)
cold glasses of water, beer, and wine - my way to fight the heat
my yoga class this week kicking my ass, in a good way
meeting our Argentinean friends (she works with me) tomorrow for drinks before our staff bbq- we'll need them!
air conditioning (even if I am cold!)

Have a great weekend everyone! Good luck with the heat, drink lots- your beverage of choice of course!

Poetry Thursday

2006-07-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

Winter flower by 45street on Flickr

Wild Nights! Wild Nights!

Wild Nights! Wild Nights!

Were I with thee,

Wild Nights should be

Our luxury!

Futile the winds

To a heart in port, --

Done with the compass,

Done with the chart!

Rowing in Eden!

Ah! the sea!

Might I but moor

To-night in Thee!

~Emily Dickinson~

I'm loving the theme for this week's Poetry Thursday: sex- very risque! I didn't know we had it in us! I found this poem by Emily Dickinson and was also taken aback by her references through my 21st Century mind. I'm sure she might not have meant to be so graphic, but "moor tonight in thee" says it all quite clearly to me. I loved the poems Meg put on her site! And Susannah's gorgeous poem...wow. You can tell the heat has finally started to get to us! We are searching for some sort of release, I think. Sex is definitely one of my favorites! Maybe I'll have an early day and go home to my man....

Phew....

On another note, I can feel a change coming. Do you feel this in your life too? Maybe it's because it's the height of a hot summer or because I am ready, but something is brewing in my life. I don't see myself in this job much longer, even if I'm unsure of where I will end up. Doing yoga is helping me to connect with my body and see what I really need right now. And we've actually been talking about babies, our future family, a lot lately. Something else we're both getting ready for in our own ways. I find myself thinking a lot about where I was this time last year, the beginning of a big family gathering for my little sis' wedding, spending tons of time with my nephew and nieces and siblings and parents and cousins and aunts and uncles and loving every single second of it. Makes me wonder where I'll be, where we'll all be, this time next year. Where I'd like to be...hmmm.

I'm rambling now, I think I'm stuck on the idea of going home early for some lovin'....

for more poetry, go here.

EDIT: Loving Madeleine's poem as well!! Go read it if you haven't already.

Creative Space

2006-07-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my creative space in our flat, as inspired by Mad. I'm actually doing my first post at home on our lovely new computer! This space is so us- the world map, the golf clubs, my random mess all over the desk, and our IKEA desk (moving into our flat with only two backpacks means most of our stuff is IKEA, God love em!). I love the light we get in here and the keyboard is so much sweeter than mine at work. I hope to have many hours of creativity and giggles and connection at this desk and am so grateful that we are finally plugged in. I can always turn it off when I've had enough. (I hope!)

I'm enjoying my post yoga class calm/glow, eating fresh fruit salad, icing my foot (something going on with my heels, bad shoes or something), and listening to Donovan Frankenreiter's new CD. I'm missing R, but finally enjoying how I'm getting into this alone time. I'm finding Mondays tough of late, when he goes back to work, end of the blissful peace of our weekends, and back into that office that is more obviously doing my head in. But sitting here, I'm loving life and can't even remember why my day was bad in the first place. Gotta luv when that happens.

The sunset is from my window after I got home from class tonight. I get to walk along the seawall and watch the sun setting, and all the people taking it in. It's a great end to my yoga practice. And a great way to be in the moment, something I often forget. And can I just say how brilliant it is that we don't live where there is humidity and 35-40 degree weather?? I know England is suffering and so is Nova Scotia and Ontario- are you dealing with it too? The sea breezes seem to blow it all away. I'm quite content with 25 degrees, capris, and nice fresh air.

I think basically I'm quite content tonight and glad I got to post in such a good mood!

GRatEfuL FriDaY

2006-07-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

This is one of Louise L. Hay's Wisdom Cards. I not only love the message, but am feeling the colours today as well! It's been a grey few days, our first in ages, and I've been feeling it big time, sleepy and groggy and unmotivated. This has brightened up my day! And helped me remember to love myself, something I've been working on lately. I can't believe it's Grateful Friday again already - how does it come around so fast!?! I'm so ready for a weekend, I need to catch up on some sleep- I keep waking up when R gets home at 4 or 5am, then can't sleep, so getting up to come to work is pretty difficult. Literally draggin' my ass out of bed!!

I started perusing the job sites for new opportunities a couple weeks ago. I always felt a bit nauseous reading the postings, I'm not sure why - probably just scared to make a change- but something shifted this week. I discovered I am ready and open to finding a new challenge, it's time to make a change. And as the Universe is such an amazing place, yesterday was the first day I found job ads that got me excited - one is even at an art school for young people! I don't want to say too much, in case I jinx myself, but I'm pretty excited! Now I'm dealing with all those negative voices that come up when I start applying for jobs - it's so hard to put myself out there for some reason. I am allowed to be happy in my work life as well, I have to remember. It's not going to cancel something else out. I'm going to get my CV together, get my mom the Career Counselor to help with my cover letters and just send them out there and see what happens. That's all I can do for now! What's meant to be will be, I'm going to end up where I'm supposed to no matter what it feels like doing it. I'm just happy to be starting the process.

This week I'm Grateful for:

Debbie the accountant coming in today, made me happy and helped my day along
sunshine coming back on the weekend (cross fingers!)
today being pay day!!
going to yoga twice this week already - did I say how much I'm lovin it?
my dad seeing the doctor and finding out all is good, except for some minor blood pressure stuff that can be managed with meds and a new diet- much to his annoyance! (no sugar!!)
finding myself a doctor that I already love- she's fantastic! thanks Becky for sharing her!
salsa - regular and mango!
getting Scrabble to put on our new computer
R having his Tiger Woods to keep him busy
getting a free month of internet
my white trousers brightening up my day
getting some good books from the library
surviving another week with R working nights
finding new ways to take advantage of the time we do have together
going out for dinner together tonight
my alarm clock- I'd still be in bed otherwise
new potatoes - makes my mouth water just thinking about them, drizzled in butter, with garlic, bit of chilli powder....yummy!
good vibes through my blog world this week!

Poetry Thursday

2006-07-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

An ideal homework excuse

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

How to Torture Your Teacher
by Bruce Lansky

Only raise your hand when

you want to sharpen your pencil
or go to the bathroom.
Repeat every ten minutes.

Never raise your hand
when you want to answer a question;
instead, yell, "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!"
and then, when the teacher calls on you,
say, "I forgot what I was going to say."

Lean your chair back,
take off your shoes, and
put your feet up on your desk.
Act surprised when the teacher
puts all four legs of your chair back on the floor.

Drop the eraser end of your pencil
on your desk. See how high it will bounce.
Drop your books on the floor.
See how loud a noise you can make.

Hum. Get all your friends to join in.

Hold your nose,
make a face, and say, "P.U.!"
Fan the air away from your face,
and point to the kid in front of you.

On the last day of school,
lead your classmates in chanting:
"No more pencils!
No more books!
No more teachers’ dirty looks!"

Then, on your way out
the door, tell the teacher,
"Bet you’re looking forward to summer vacation this year.
But I’ll sure miss you.
You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had."

This week's Poetry Thursday idea was to find a funny poem- this was one that made me giggle. There are a lot of teachers in my life - my mom and dad, my big brother, my little sister will be next year, some of my best friends- so this felt familiar to me. For some reason, that joke gets me everytime! I can picture some cute, cheeky kid using it as an excuse and getting away with it! I love it! And the poem sums it up so well, he's captured the mind of a child perfectly! For other giggles and poems head over here.
So happy it's thursday already, the weekend is needed. It's been wet and cloudy this week for a change and I find myself feeling so sleepy from the heavy air. Of course, it seems to pass almost as soon as I leave work...hmmm.

Lists

2006-07-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

Statue in Singapore

I'm stealing an idea from Mad's blog- I feel like making lists today!

10 Things I Couldn't Live Without: (in no particular order)

1. cheese - any kind but the blue varieties

2. iPod - music is so important, I need a soundtrack

3. books/ library - words and other perspectives and windows into other worlds are such a gift

4. flipflops - especially this time of year

5. journal - my regular venting, emoting, creating, understanding venue

6. fresh fruit and veggies

7. chocolate - sometimes we all need a bit of a pick me up!

8. cafes - my home away from home

9. the telephone - hearing someone's voice from far away is so important to me

10. my bus pass - gotta get around somehow!

7 (ok 9!) People I couldn't live without:

1. Richard- no words can explain (aka R)

2. my parents - their love and support have been so vital, I am who I am because of them

3. my three siblings - my world would be such a lonely place without them

4. my sister in law, brother in law, and nephew and nieces - our family only gets better as it gets bigger!

5. my inlaws and new family in England - a foreign family, what a treat!!

6. my amazing friend Roz - we've known each other since we were barely walking, she understands me better than even I do sometimes!

7. my family in America - love having such a big family, 4 aunts and all my cousins and uncles, bringing such characters and colour to our family

8. my traveling friends all over the world - my life is better because of you

9. my blogger friends!! what did I do without all of you?!!

7 Places I Couldn't bear to disappear:

1. the mountains and beaches around Vancouver

2. Nova Scotia - go see why I love it!

3. the Boathouse - our new favorite restaurant

4. The Blue Moon Cafe, Melbourne - where we used to treat ourselves to brunch when we were broke

5. England in general - nowhere has ever felt so much like home to me

6. Tescos! ( I know, pretty sad, it's a grocery store, but I love it! It's the first place we go when we go back to England!)

7. my yoga studio - my new haven

7 (ok 8!) Experiences not to miss:

1. cuddling with my R - ok, just for me, not for all of you!

2. walking on a beach, waves on your feet, sun on your face, wind in your hair

3. flying on a plane - what a rush! And you get to be somewhere new when you get off!

4. warm fresh bread with mom's homemade strawberry jam - my mouth is watering just thinking about it!

5. getting into bed after a long day - in case you hadn't noticed, I love my bed and my sleep!

6. helping someone - I love that feeling when you can give someone a hand

7. being with my friends, giggling, drinking wine, making dinner together, catching up

8. getting mail!

I could go on and on, but will try and keep it to a minimum to keep your attention. Go check out this photographer's website that Andrea recommended- it's brilliant!!! He made me want to be a photographer and learn how to take better pictures. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to learn how to be a better digital photographer?? I don't have a big camera, but am falling in love with seeing the world through the lens of my camera and could spend hours on Flickr and other sites where people are capturing life in so many different ways.

I haven't been doing my Sunday Scribblings either, so will try and catch up soon!

Grateful Friday!!

2006-07-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

Rose Garden New Zealand

It's official, we have a computer of our own and we are online, right from the comfort of our lovely flat!! We bought the computer on the weekend, just took the plunge...after three months or more of shopping and deciding what we want, of course. The internet came on Wednesday, and now we can reach out to the world whenever we want! Crazy! I've never owned a computer before. It's interesting learning how it all gets put together, with software and virus protection and all that jazz. I'm just used to sitting in front of one and it working. The best part is that I was able to finally update my music on my iPod!!! How excited was I!! it had been a whole year, listening to the same 250 songs in every order possible. I was dancing all the way on my walk to work this morning. New Beth Orton, new Snow Patrol, new Madonna, I was in bliss. I can't wait to get home and put more music on. Maybe I'll take a picture of our new work space this weekend, post it from home- wow!

This week, I'm Grateful for:

it being friday already!! luv me a short work week!
having more creativity happening in my brain again
our new computer and all the possibilities it brings (and maybe headaches too!)
owning something so big
R having something to do during his days at home
the beautiful weather, so much delicious sunshine once again
the one cloudy day we did have, a bit of a break
a new month
summertime
my yoga class (had a different instructor this week, loved her too!)
my lovely pink iPod
spending time with our friends last weekend
R getting to go play golf finally
our plans to relax and recharge and be together this weekend
going to see Pirates of the Caribbean, hopefully!! (luv me some johnny depp too!)
my little sis getting to her new summer job at a fishing lodge up in the boonies of Northern BC
her being in charge of the cleaning for the whole summer- pay back for her lack of help at home when we were younger!
my other little sis getting home from Europe and getting to see Paris with her hubby
our best friends getting engaged
having a beer at work today (unfortunately, not till the end of the day)
learning how to make beaded jewelry on the weekend
ice cream and gelato and smoothies!
all the wonderful fresh fruit- raspberries and blueberries!
veggie markets
my cold sore is going away nicely - kisses soon!
hot baths in the candlelight to relax
watching cheesy girlie tv while R is at work

Ok I'll stop now, I get carried away sometimes! What are you grateful for this week?!

Have a great weekend! (do you know that the spell checker on this thing thinks "iPod" is meant to be "wiped"- very weird)

Creativity (+ Poetry Thursday)

2006-07-06T14:30:00.000-07:00

art is a voice. it is a method of communication. a way to translate an experience. tell a story. live a life. for you, art is definitely a voice: loud and clear. sometimes more loud than clear. an expression. a manifestation of emotion. of things unsaid. a way of being. as it is for me. as you grow you will learn that everyone has their own way of communicating with their fellow beings. some quiet. some loud. all worth listening to...if for nothing other than the chance to learn. art is a teacher. and a messenger. and a voice. create your own voice. your own method. develop your own strength. be passionate. art will always be on your side. will always challenge you to communicate. to tell your story in your own truth. in your own voice.
- Ali Edwards -

2006 is my year of Creativity, a chance to connect with a side of myself long gone dormant. January and February were full of ideas and aha moments and energy from pages filled with possibilities. I got lost after that somewhere, I'm not really sure how. Yesterday in my post, I asked what you do to find inspiration. Liz Elayne left me a brilliant comment, which seems to have resonated with many others. "lately, i have realized that the creative inspiration might just be inside me already-but i have to start doing instead of just talking about doing" and "but i do think it is all already inside. we just have to admit this and move." She is so smart! And so right. Doing is the only way to get my juices flowing. I do know this from past experience, I just seem to have forgotten. I've been wrapped up in other mental exercises, ones I don't need to spend so much time on (like anxiety about work and life, thinking too much about my job, etc), and it's time to start filling my brain, and my time, with more creative endeavours. I have pages of writing exercises I can be doing, even here at work, plus millions of websites to explore, and art to be learning- like making jewelry (which I just started on the weekend) and digital scrapbooking (inspired by Rhonna). I've always shied away from artistic creations after deciding when I was younger that I couldn't draw or paint and shouldn't even bother trying- I simply couldn't get it to look like it does in my head. Amazing how those messages can stay with you for such a long time. I never saw myself as the artistic type, but after getting even the tiniest of tastes, I feel like it's a huge part of me that's been hiding and needs some coaxing to come out. My inner critic constantly berates me, saying there's no point in writing anything, or buying supplies to do some scrapbooking, etc., because it won't get me anywhere, it won't pay the bills, people will only laugh, on and on and on. I've decided it's time to stop listening to that Voice.

Creativity now means for me using words to express myself, to share my feelings and experiences with others. It means stepping outside my comfort zone and seeing what my Creative Self wants to do, what she can come up with. It means taking time each week, each day even, to spend some time with this new side of Me. I've even found my desires in the work world have changed since I started getting more creative- I'd love to work in an art school, or spend my days creating with young kids, just getting messy! I even looked at art courses I might want to take. Ali Edwards was one of the first blogs I read and she still inspires me to find ways to tell my story, to create a life I love. I had so much fun writing a story for my nephew and nieces for Christmas, I think it's time to start another one- I'm definitely not lacking in ideas!

All of you have been an inspiration to me as well. Being so brave an sharing your art with your bloggers, going to the page, the canvas, the bead box, the camera, everyday. Like Susannah said in response to Liz "i guess it's all about *doing* rather than thinking perhaps - get the pen, paintbrush, camera in our hands and see what happens. be brave and close our eyes and let our imaginations take over - i think they are gunning for us to give it a go." It's time for me to get my groove on. I am a creative woman, time to spend some quality time with my brilliant imagination!! Anyone want to join me?! Or maybe we can just got sit and have a glass of wine together instead...

Here's my poem for this week. I like the suggested prompt on Poetry Thursdays, I will definitely come back to it one day. Go there to check out more poetry for this week.

Words by Anne Sexton

Be careful of words,

even the miraculous ones.

For the miraculous we do our best,

sometimes they swarm like insects

and leave not a sting but a kiss.

They can be as good as fingers.

They can be as trusty as the rock

you stick your bottom on.

But they can be both daisies and bruises.

Yet I am in love with words.

They are doves falling out of the ceiling.

They are six holy oranges sitting in my lap.

They are the trees, the legs of summer,and the sun, its passionate face.
Yet often they fail me.

I have so much I want to say,

so many stories, images, proverbs, etc.

But the words aren't good enough,

the wrong ones kiss me.

Sometimes I fly like an eagle

but with the wings of a wren.

But I try to take care

and be gentle to them.

Words and eggs must be handled with care.

Once broken they are impossible

things to repair.

A Taste of Summer

2006-07-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

a taste of summer, from Elan Photography on Flickr

Back to work (unfortunately), after a gorgeous weekend of sun, fun, bbqs, friends, and lots of cuddles. It was so sunny and so hot, absolutely wonderful summer weather. We had planned to leave the city and go exploring, but after a week or working nights, R needed to catch some extra zzzzs, so we just went with the flow instead. We ended up visiting with our friends, having three bbqs, lying in the sun, eating lots of fruit, just being together. It started off not so well with England being robbed, or maybe just losing their game, and ending their quest for the World Cup. I was pretty sad, so was R. So not fair!! I also woke up with a lovely cold sore on Saturday morning, something that always puts me in a insecure and tearful mood- I know it's not true, but it always feels like it's the only thing people can see. And it hurts, physically. The worst part is I can't have any kisses with R, how much does that suck?!!
It was a good weekend in the sense that it really felt like I had been away from work, almost to the point that I had forgotten all about it. Of course, that also meant I came crashing back down to reality this morning when I got here. It was so hot last night, I was having feverish dreams, to the point that I even shouted out in my sleep- something I usually only do when I'm stressed- wonder what I'm stressed about? We had no hot water this morning, so that didn't make getting up any more fun. I'm just wishing I was back on the grass, lying on the blanket, reading, soaking up the sun, listening to the children playing around me, R tickling me trying to distract me. Why can't all of life feel that good?
Our close friends in England (R's best friend) got engaged after the game on Saturday- he wanted to bring them some joy, so he finally popped the question. He'd had the ring in his drawer for a few months now, waiting for the perfect moment. Isn't it interesting how any moment can be perfect, if you are fully present? I'm so happy for them and hopefully this means a trip to England for us sometime next year!!
My creative wells feel a bit dry lately, what are things that get your creative juices flowing? Any good websites, or books I should check out? I used to have pages and pages of ideas, but seem to have become a bit disconnected. 2006 is my year of Creativity, time to get back on the horse!

Grateful Friday!!

2006-06-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

Rainbow near Queenstown, NZ 2005

Wow, Friday already!! And it's a long weekend for us as well, Canada Day tomorrow so we get Monday off. I love long weekends, such a treat! I'm feeling immensely better today, after purging my mood on here yesterday. I went to my first yoga class in Vancouver last night and it was absolutely divine. I have always loved doing yoga, even went to class for a year awhile back, but with traveling and whatnot, it's been too long since I've gotten back into it. Honestly, I was afraid of going here, for no good reason. Vancouver is known as Lotus Land, the home of yoga in Canada, and I was feeling intimidated. Luckily, my friend Becky said she wanted to try it, so I got brave and we went to our first class last night. The studio itself was a gift- right by the water, with the windows wide open and you could hear the sea and even smell it. With our breathing, it sounded like the waves were also inside as well as out. I was instantly calm, even before I started the class. Yoga is what my body is meant to be doing. It felt like I was having a conversation with an old friend, or reliving a wonderful dream I'd had. There was no good reason for me not to go before this, I was worrying for nothing, as per usual, but things happen for a reason. Right now was when I was meant to go, and I did, and it's going to make such a difference. I can't wait to go to my next class, maybe tomorrow while R is watching the football with his English friends. Maybe I'll become a teacher one day, who knows. My body is grateful today and I'm so looking forward to seeing where this journey takes me!

Today I am also grateful for:

the long weekend! Oh Canada...
it being friday and the accountant being here to make me laugh and give me my wages
the incredible weather we've been having and that it's only going to continue!
getting a tan
my new white fabulous pants from the Gap- on sale, cheap cheap
feeling a bit sore from yoga last night, knowing my body did something good
raspberry muffins and ice tea
peaches and strawberries (local ones!)
my sis and her hubby getting to go to Paris ( so jealous!!)
Wimbledon!! (I am going to go watch someday, I am)
when my R gets home and into bed at night after work, I sleep so much better
hot baths and bubbles
my little sis deciding to travel instead of going back to school!! (so supporting this idea!!)
England playing tomorrow- Come on!
living so close to the beach and the water
it almost being lunchtime!
R not having to go to work till 9pm tonight
having this time to myself, to learn how to be comfortable on my own again
feeling better today
getting to sleep in
summertime
getting lost in this book- I am loving historical fiction lately

Don't think I'll be back on here till Tuesday, but we are planning to buy a computer this weekend, so we'll see! Other than plane tickets, this will be our biggest purchase ever as a couple, wow. I'll let you know what happens! Have a great weekend everyone! As Will Smith sang "Summer, summer, summertime, time to sit back and unwind".

Poetry Thursday and questions

2006-06-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

Brighton Beachboxes, by dogonnit on Flickr

In
Awe
Wonder
Confusion
Who has the answers?
Will I see that I am the one?

I was inspired by Susannah to try the new Fibs for this week's Poetry Thursday. "I wonder" is a phrase I use all the time, to the point that I'm sure it drives other people around me mad!! That seems to be how my brain operates, something my mom does as well- wondering why, how, when, what if, why not, who about everything- constantly curious. I often don't take it farther than just voicing the question, whereas my mom is on the computer right away, trying to find her answers or asking someone else to help her! This week, I'm wondering how I can be more gentle with myself, more accepting. When I was getting on the plane for my first real trip away from home (going to San Francisco for the summer to live with my aunt and uncle), my mom said to me "everything you need, you have inside you". It's something that has stuck with me ever since. Words that give me strength or sometimes haunt me when I'm doubting myself - like last night.

I was having a meltdown, lying in bed, tears on my face, missing my R and wondering why I am always so hard on myself. Why no matter what I do, it is never enough for me, for that part of me who likes to be negative and nag and undermine my intentions. Do you have a part of you like that? I worry about my weight, so I start to exercise more, but of course, it's never enough. I am finding it really hard to be alone all those hours at night, but hide away from making connections with my friends or even being outside around strangers, and then I beat myself up about it. I always find something wrong with whatever efforts I make. And end up back in mental self-sabotage mode, big time. It doesn't help that this week I'm hormonal and adjusting to our change in routine, or that I miss him terribly, or that I'm tired from not sleeping very well. I wouldn't think of treating a friend like this, so how come I allow it with myself? I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am going to find a way to love myself completely and unconditionally, a way to just be in the moment, totally accepting of all of me. What do you do to feel comfortable in your own skin? To love yourself unconditionally? How do you stop doubting and just be?

I don't mean to be down, just one of those weeks I think. I want a quick fix, but I know that isn't possible. Who would've thought learning to love myself would be the hardest lesson I had to learn.

Dreams of Bicycles

2006-06-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

Happiness, it seems to me, consists of two things:

first, in being where you belong,

and second - and best- in comfortably going through everyday life,

that is, having had a good night's sleep and not being hurt by new shoes.

- Theodor Fontaine-

Summer has arrived! It is hot and sunny and the sky is so blue, it's delicious. I'm not a big fan of the heat, but it's not too humid, so it's manageable. I love how the foreigners who are here experiencing their first Canadian summer are so shocked by the heat- like it's impossible or something! Too funny! The world has such a skewed view of my country sometimes, but I'm sure I have one of other places as well.

I spent the whole weekend outside, at the beach with our friends, lounging on the grass over a picnic, and riding our rental bikes around Stanley Park. I was riding the bike in the pic above- I absolutely loved it! I can't remember the last time I was on a bike and it was heaven. It felt so free, like I was a kid again. We're going to start looking for second hand bikes to buy, just to have to cruise around, nothing too heavy. We live in such an ideal spot, surrounded by the seawall and other quiet roads, so why not!

R started working nights this week (7pm-2am), to help his company get a job finished. It's good in the sense that it's pretty easy work for him and he gets paid extra, but I do not like having to spend the whole night on my own. After being at work all day, where I barely have many real conversations, it's so strange to go home and have no one to talk to. Luckily we get to have dinner together or I'd worry about losing my mind! I'm looking forward to having some time on my own, mostly to remember that I can do it and enjoy it, and also to break my bad habit of being so completely dependent on him for so many things. I've become a bit clingy, I still worry he will have to go home or something, so live in the mindset that everything is temporary. Not good. Going to yoga class, or out for a walk with a friend, or to a cafe to write in my journal alone- things I can do and still have a healthy relationship with my wonderful man. Because of our traveling and our situation with visas and not knowing where we were going to end up, we are very close, almost internal sometimes. Then again, we love spending time together, so we don't even notice! But, now that we are settling down, we can both start to explore our passions and try new things and it doesn't always have to be together. It will only be good for us and give us new outlets for creativity and things to share with each other when we get home. These are all new things for me, after being so transient for such a long time. I know some people would kill for so much time alone, but I'm ready to have too much time with people for a change!!

Grateful Sunny Friday!!

2006-06-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

NZ Rose Garden, Wellington

I love Fridays- doing my grateful list only helps in making it my favorite day of the week!

This week I'm grateful for:

this beautiful weather
that it's officially summer!
the hot temperatures expected this weekend
living so bloody close to the beach!!
the bbq we're going to have on the beach tomorrow
cold Corona and lime
my R and how cute he can be when he's tired
having birthday cake and wine at work today for one of our architects
the peach oat muffin I discovered this morning
our night at Shakespeare and getting free coffee for a few days
the beautiful roses growing outside of our building
iced tea
ice cream and gelato and all the flavours!
my sister's hand getting better as fast as she'd hoped
my dad finishing another year of school (his 37th!!) and everything going smoothly for the graduation he organizes once again
my mom's ankle getting better- poor thing stepped wrong and sprained it!
England making it through to the round of 16 at the World Cup
finding a way to start turning my brain back on at work and not just feeling sorry for myself
my big walk with Becky
the jazz festival starting this weekend
my new favorite cds - Snow Patrol and Keane
no more Hockey till the fall!!
discovering a wonderful independent coffee shop down the street from my office (see my post from yesterday for further explanation
R getting to start work at his company's new workshop- finally going to be working for the company who hired him (long story,but their workshop burnt down, have been outfitting a new one, farmed all their staff out elsewhere, blah blah blah)

What are you grateful for this week?

Looking forward to a weekend full of football (aka soccer) and the beach and spending some time with our friends and with just each other. Isn't that all one really needs??!!! Have a great weekend everyone!

Poetry Thursday

2006-06-22T11:27:00.000-07:00

Philostrate: A play there is, my lord, some ten words long,

Which is as brief as I have known a play;

But by ten words, my lord, it is too long,

Which makes it tedious; for in all the play

There is not one word apt, one player fitted.

A Midsummer Night's Dream, V, I

Last night, R and I went down the hill from our flat and took the baby ferry across False Creek to enter the magic that is the Bard on the Beach festival. I cannot say enough how wonderful it was. We got to see "A Midsummer Night's Dream", as seen in the photo above from a pervious performance. Puck was hilarious, the whole thing was actually quite raunchy, it was perfect! The tent opens in the back behind the stage, so you can see the mountains and the water- it's incredible. It was a gorgeous night too, as well as being the first day of summer, so we had a beautiful sunset play a part in the story as well. It's very relaxed and you feel like you've stepped into another world. I loved every second of it. I cannot wait to go again!

I have posted a quote from the play instead of an actual poem this week, simply because Shakespeare to me is poetry. I love how he used words, how timeless his stories are even today, and how magical it is to sit and watch it acted as he had intended- with a modern twist and new interpretation sometimes too!

We actually got free tickets from Starbucks - I know, I was totally shocked too!- as they are one of the major sponsors for this season. There was free coffee and tea (made my Englishman very happy), free snacks to have at the intermission, $5 gift cards when we went in, and even in the play they made references that were hilarious! Quite something to see Helena taking a break to drink her coffee while chasing Demetrius through the woods- even if Starbucks is a corporate evil, it's great to see them helping out something like this. And I was very happy to use my gift card for a drink on the way to work today- I know, I'm a total sucker. Starbucks rules in Vancouver, it's too bad because I really miss some of the funky independent places we found overseas. Competition rarely survives here anymore, unless they are a chain. But I guess we are quite close to the birth place of Starbucks in Seattle.

Belated Sunday Scribblings

2006-06-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

bed from Pottery Barn

10 Minute timed writing, this week's prompt "Bed":

Bed is one of my favorite places to be. I love hiding under the covers and ignoring the world. Cuddling with my R, forgetting about reality and to do lists and what time it is. The worst feeling in my world these days is when the alarm goes off and it's time to peel myself out of bed. R gets up much earlier than me, so by the time the buzzer goes, I've sprawled all over and made a cocoon for myself deep in my sheets. Some days I'd much rather live in my dreams than go out into the world! Does anyone else feel that way?
I've slept in a lot of beds, and that's not a reflection of my sex life either! After growing up sleeping in the same bed for over ten years, I began a merry go round when I went away to university that has only just ended. I've slept in tiny twin beds, bunk beds of all shapes and sizes in backpacker hostels, air mattresses in tents and inside, and amazing hotel beds in foreign lands. I adore linens and love looking them up on the internet and drooling. R has always brought me breakfast in bed, at least one day almost every weekend since we've been together. And I do the other day. We love long mornings under the covers, no matter where we are. He's already designed our bed frame- he sent me the drawings as a present when we were forced to live apart. I've always been interested in interpreting dreams, what the images and feelings mean. I used to jump up in the middle of the night and write down everything I could remember about a dream, just to look at it more closely in the daylight.

For more Sunday Scribblings, go here.

Having another fuzzy day today. Must have something to do with Wednesdays. Went for a great long walk after work yesterday with a new friend. It was great to chat with another woman in real life, not just on here! She just gets it and hasn't heard all my stories and queries as much as R has, so it was great to get another woman's perspective on things. Unfortunately, we walked so far, my foot is killing me today! Of course, as soon as I decide to do more exercise, I end up with an injury- seems to happen everytime with me. Must be a method of the self-sabotage I mentioned before! Putting obstacles in front of myself to make it hard to follow through with my physical goals- something I'm very good at. Other types of goals, no problem, but when it comes to changing my body, something always challenges me. I've got very bad ankles, in the sense that I've rolled both over 10 times each, usually around when I've started to enjoy exercising! Of course, too much alcohol played a major factor many times as well! I don't wear high heels because I don't trust my ankles. I have ended up with a bad habit of watching the ground when I'm walking just to make sure I don't step in a hole or on uneven ground. Oh well, I'm not going to let it get me down. ( I say that as I sit here having a cookie!) How do you lovely ladies stay motivated to get fit? What goals or methods keep you going?

Weekend away

2006-06-19T13:41:00.000-07:00

Me giving my little sis a pedi on the deck

What a weekend! Moments to remember include a hot tub with my R under the stars, how big that kitchen was, giving my sis a pedicure on the deck of the "Big House" (as we call it), helping her with the little things she struggling with only having one functional hand at the moment (like putting up her hair, helping her put hand cream on the good hand, tying her running shoes), sitting outside watching Shakespeare, picking daisy from the yard, G&T's, being able to be a big sister and be helpful. R was in heaven, watching all the football on a huge 42 inch screen with surround sound. I got to sit out on the deck and read my book, visit with my sis and just enjoy the silence. I forget how loud and crowded it is here in the city, it was hard to sleep the first night without the hum of cars in the background!

view from the deck of the Big House

We got to visit with some old friends of my family's as well, who my sister works with at the private school, so it was good to catch up with them too. I used to babysit their now 16 and 17 year olds- too funny hanging out with them now that they're big. The play did happen outside, which was divine. I do adore Shakespeare and the students performing were hilarious!

the hot tub- what a brilliant spot!!

The only negative moment was when I, stupidly, stood on the scale and saw how much I weigh! It's been a couple years probably since I've been on a scale, so this was quite a shock. So much so, I've spent the day looking up fitness centres in my area, trying to decide which one to join to get my ass in gear again. I knew I'd gained some weight, but that was a wake up call! R stepped on it as well and he's lost too much weight- can we say jealous? He's a string bean, tall and lean, so we're opposites. Our meals will be interesting, trying to cater for our new needs- one trying to slim down, one trying to bulk up. I'm so used to being a traveler, who doesn't have much money for food and luxuries like ice cream and cookies, and who doesn't sit at a desk 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. We do play tennis and I walk to work everyday, but it's time to start taking care of myself, to start believing I can do it and just go for it. I'll probably be using this blog as a place to help me work through my issues with committing to my own physical health- anyone else find they are self-sabotaging towards their own needs?

Grateful Friday

2006-06-16T11:51:00.000-07:00

Vancouver Island

image found on Flickr by peter macdonald

Victoria Harbour
image found on Flickr by federicochi

R and I are off to Vancouver Island today to visit with my sis and spend some time in Victoria as tourists. So excited! She's house sitting a $1.5 million pad, with a hot tub, by the ocean- sounds sweet! We're hoping to help her out a bit with her broken hand as well. I'm so ready for some time away from the city, and some pampering as well! R got today off and I get to leave work early (an even bigger bonus!), so we'll get to spend some time in Victoria as well. Going out for dinner and drinks and meeting some of her friends- sounds brilliant! We also get to go to a highschool production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream"- the same play we got free tickets to see next week at the Bard on the Beach here in Vancouver! Too funny!

This week I am grateful for:

not living in Nova Scotia where it's been raining a lot!
going away this weekend to see my sis
getting to leave work early
the weekend coming quickly
actually having some "work" to do at work
fresh fruit
Cheerios with strawberries
R getting today off, surprising me with breakfast
England winning yesterday
World cup fever! (yes, still!)
naan bread with hummus full of gralic
Thai take away
the sun peaking through the clouds
getting email from my cousin Jess
getting my dad's card there on time for Father's Day
my other sis enjoying her time in Europe (lucky lucky thing!)
decaf soy lattes- yummy!
finding new blogs to enjoy- Rachel and Madeleine especially!
having so many things on this list every week!

Have a great weekend everyone! Hopefully I'll have some photos of my own to share next week!!

Poetry Thursday

2006-06-15T16:20:00.001-07:00

Germany has gone Football crazy!

image from ClausM on Flickr

My poem this week is from Michael Ondaatje, one of Canada's most treasured poets and writers. I love his book The English Patient, even more than I love the movie. The poem I've chosen is written in his capacity as a father writing for his daughter, which I found quite fitting for this weekend and Father's Day. You can find the poem here. And go here for more Poetry Thursday entries and inspirations.

Feeling much better today- maybe I just needed to clear my head yesterday or something. I've had a lot to do at work, which has definitely helped and is such a gift. And England won their football game today, so my R will be quite happy, even though the team didn't play very well. It's all about the result for this first round- let's hope they get it together soon! I couldn't believe how emotional I was during the game- I got goosebumps when they came on the field and when I saw pictures of all the flags around the stadium. I was even ready to shed a tear or two when it looked like they might lose- what is going on?? On the other hand, I love it!! England is my second home, where I've felt more at home sometimes than I do here in Canada, so I'm totally behind them. Maybe some of R's Englishness is finally started to seep into my system- I'd love to have an accent! Or at least for our kids too!

Ramblings of a busy mind

2006-06-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

And in the end,

it's not the years in your life that count.

It's the life in your years.

-Abraham Lincoln-

I have an active mind- one that often runs on for hours and hours, with no direction or goal, fueled by anxiety and fear and curiosity and wonder. "I wonder if..." is one of the things that comes out of my mouth most often, only a bit less than "I'm worried about...". I grew up in a house of anxious parents and I couldn't help but adapt similar thinking. I don't blame them, I just acknowledge that's where it started.

Being in a job where I don't have anything to do but find things to fill my 8 hours gives me lots of time to think- way too much to be healthy, I think. My thoughts spend a lot of time wondering about what I'd like to do with my life, what I'd like to add or remove, what my dreams are, what being a mom will be like, what sort of job am I really looking for, will I just be as unhappy in something else, why I'm so scared to go after something, how to live a settled lifestyle and still be filled with wonder, and on and on and on and on. I often find once I get home at night that I don't know what I did all day, how I got through it without losing my mind. Or maybe I have because I can't remember how I passed the time. I feel like I live with a cloud over my head or in a bubble sometimes. Does anyone else get this sensation? Some days I'm sure if I just let go and let myself really feel what I've been avoiding all day, I'd completely lose it and end up in a heap on the floor- drowning in my frustrations and confusion and anger and fear.

My life is wonderful, I love my life- all aspects except the career side. I'm blessed to be healthy and have a wonderful man who loves me and who I love immensely, a lovely flat that we share, friends all over the world, a family who supports me and is always there when I need them, a beautiful city to live in, a passport full of stamps and the experiences that went with them, an education, a job that pays the bills- I could go on and on. But for some reason, I want more. Is that a bad thing? And it all comes down to a career, a job (it always comes down to this!!)- finding that perfect job, one that I love to go to (most days at least!), where I'm helping people and making a difference and and being creative and feeling productive and useful and vital to something more than making a profit. After reading Megg's post the other day, I can't stop thinking about "why I'm so afraid to be everything I want to be". Why is it so hard to say out loud what my dreams are? After so many years of stuffing 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts' and 'aren't good enoughs' and 'isn't the right times' and 'can'ts' and 'it won't works' and any other negative judgements I have thought into my mind, I'm too gun shy to admit what my dreams and wishes are. Every time I think something sounds interesting or worth further investigation, I find a way to squash it and prove to myself it won't work- no matter what it is! My excuse for staying in a job that makes me unhappy is that 'I don't know what I want'- it's such a great cop out isn't it?

After reading a post by Jennifer, about how she is learning to use meditation as a way to be more present and calm her mind, I'm intrigued. I've read Jon Kabat-Zinn, but am wondering if you have any recommendations on resources for learning how to meditate and quiet my mind. For learning how to accept where I am and find the strength to change it. To find what my bravest dreams are. And not be afraid to go after them. I've done it before- I wanted to go to the UK and Australia and I made it happen, I overcame all my fears and did it because it was what I wanted. Why can't I find that again?? I would like to be brave, to make a change that makes me feel better, to believe that I can have a job I enjoy and not feel trapped in the working world only trying to make money to survive. Life to me is about so much more than that, yet that's always been the root of my frustrations with finding a satisfying career- wanting more but accepting less. I should take my own life as an example- I didn't want anymore men in my life who were afraid of my magic, who tried to put me down. The day after I wrote that in my journal, I met R- who allows me to be totally me on a daily basis. I didn't want to just know my own backyard well, I wanted to see the world from a new perspective- traveling changed my life. I was brave then, where has it gone?

Summer Soundtrack

2006-06-13T13:18:00.000-07:00

English Bay-my neighbourhood (photo by Vancouver Park Board)

Not really sure what to write about today. I just feel like posting something, it's been a few days. My head is full of football (aka soccer) and trying to find something to keep me busy at work, as per usual, so I'm not feeling very inspired.
I can't help but think about summer being here, about going to the beach, about long days full of light, about long walks in the sunshine, about playing tennis and frisbee, about bbqs and late night dinners on the patio with friends, about how much I love this time of year. I still have dreams of living in two hemispheres so I can be in perpetual summer for the rest of my life!

Here are just some of my favorite summer treats, sounds, eats:

- Jack Johnson
- walking in the sand on the beach
- the sound of the ducks on a lake
- eating outside, laughing with friends for hours
- the smell of suntan lotion
- Breaks Co-op
- fresh fruit and veggies
- farmers markets
- waking up when it's light out
- ice cream and gelato!!
- reading in the grass
- picnics
- the flowers
- June bugs bouncing off the screen in the window
- going sea kayaking
- the sound of children playing
- strawberry shortcake
- bbqs!!!
- David Gray
- chill out music

I do love making me a list! Anyone have anything else to add? Things you cannot go without or look forward to in the summertime?

edit: I can't believe I forgot FlipFlops! Check out the comments for more wonderful summer treats!!

Poetry Thursday/ Grateful Friday!

2006-06-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

art in the park at Rotorua, NZ

This week I've chosen a poem by Robert Frost, you can find it here. I am going to do the prompt from Poetry Thursdays, I just haven't been around other people too much this week- other than work and architectural poetry has yet to take off. And all R and I have been talking about is the World Cup! The beautiful game, sigh. (I've been watching it all morning on tv at work, so so so excited!!)

I'm so happy Blogger is healthy again. I had a horrible thought that if it crashed completely, how would we all find each other again? If I didn't have your blogs to go to, I'd be lost, I'm sure. I'm so grateful for this medium and for all of you!!

And more things I'm grateful for this week are:

that Friday feeling!!
football mania!! (aka soccer)
having a tv at work and a Czech boss who loves football, so we can watch it all
R getting to go watch the first England match with some other English guys, not just his Canadian fiance
talking for ages on the phone with my best friend last night
Shan's birthday this weekend!
the sunny weather we were having- please come back!
getting lost in this book
my little sister getting back home after a painful journey through several airports, flight delays and more with a broken hand (from rugby- crazy game!)
my other sis getting safely to Europe and hopefully having a good time
Maggie getting home safely
learning how to use Flickr and getting some of our travel photos on there
my dad having his track meet to get excited about
R's parents booking their tickets for September to come visit- it's really happening!
the finals for the French Open are this weekend!
loving the new Snow Patrol cd
mangos and avocado in my salads
fresh strawberries- love the juice running down my chin
eating better in general
our landlords
finding this new site- so much fun!
my new clothes and feeling funky!
summertime and all it means

Have a great weekend everyone- enjoy it whatever you end up doing!!

My new addiction

2006-06-08T09:33:00.000-07:00

*This is my post from yesterday that I couldn't get to work, I'll do Poetry Thursday later or tomorrow, depending on Blogger.*
Blogger is frustrating me this week- problems with photos coming up and not being able to post or leave comments- it's made me realize how vital this medium is to my day to day life. I see others have been having issues as well, so luckily it's not my computer! I don't like feeling disconnected from my blogging community. And I've also realized how posting allows me a chance to process my thoughts and what I'm going through each week- in a different way than in my journal. It's becoming essential- I may even be bordering on dependency or addiction here!

There have been many posts lately, from Megg and Michelle and Laini and others, that have got me thinking. Thinking about my own need for control, my own lack of commitment to my own needs and pursuing what I love instead of what is easy. Thinking about living a life without anxiety and self-doubt, what that would really be like, if it is even possible. Thinking about having babies and becoming a mom, wanting to raise healthy, happy children, but thinking about how much of a worrier I will be. Thinking about finding a new job, overcoming my loathing of job hunting and finding a way to believe I will find something where I am challenged and creative and useful and appreciated. Thinking about how preoccupied I've become with my shape lately, how unhappy I am with it but how I don't want to have to think too much about what I eat- something I've never really had to do before- I can't deprive myself of my favorite foods, even though I know they aren't always good for me. (I love love love bread, all sorts of bread- low carb would be horrible!) Thinking about learning to love myself exactly as I am at all times, no matter what I weigh, where I'm working, instead of finding more things to beat myself up about.

Too much thinking really. I definitely need to find myself something more to do each day! It's been a beautiful week here, sunshine and warm summer weather- every night down at the beach after work, it's heaven. I'm so lucky to be living here! I've put a bunch of our New Zealand photos on Flickr and put a link on my sidebar, so go check them out. It was fun to go through them again, it felt like I was visiting old friends looking at those places again. It's been fun losing track of time at work while I was doing it as well!

Sunday Scribblings

2006-06-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

Memory is a child walking along a seashore.

You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up

and store away among its treasured things.

~Pierce Harris, Atlanta Journal~

We do not remember days; we remember moments.

~Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand~

This week's prompt is "earliest memory". I decided to do a timed writing after being totally overwhelmed with memories when I read this! Anyone else find that happened- trying to decide which one to write about??

My earliest memories are of my family and my home, where I grew up. I remember my room, with the brass bed and stitched animals on my wallpaper that I used to trace with my finger when I was trying to sleep. I remember my dad coming home to tell us we had a new baby sister - I can still picture him coming up the front walk! I remember almost being hit by a car when I was about 4 and how scared my mom and grandmother (we called her Gan Gan, for some reason!) were, how that turned to anger and then just big hugs. I just wanted to get across the street to where they were. I remember learning how to read at school, the moment when I could see that c-i-t-y was city. I remember having breakfast at the kitchen table every morning with my brother and my parents, my mom cooking it up. How we used to turn the oven on and open it to warm ourselves up in the winter. I remember so many details of my old house, like it was a close friend. The campus of the private school where I grew up was my playground- riding my "horse" (aka my bike) around, playing soccer every night after school, pretending it was a castle that I was queen of. I remember the big bathtub upstairs. I have memories of playing in the leaf pile we spent days raking up, like a group project. My tree house, which was actually a fort my brother and his friends had built. The line of trees on the soccer field outside my house that I had to learn how to climb- and I did, every single one. I remember playing with my dad and my brother in the living room, my dad showing us how strong he was with his airplane rides. I remember how much music there was (and still is) in our lives, my dad singing badly out of tune with the headphones on, my mom's CBC radio on the weekends, them dancing in the living room to golden oldies like the BeeGees and the Beatles. (My parents say they got married because their record collections complimented each other!) I remember being so active, everyday- playing outside every night we were allowed, playing tennis in the summer, soccer, gymnastics- sports were my strength and somewhere to pour my passions. (I miss this now that it is harder to be fit!) I remember my mom being pregnant with one of my sisters- when she'd lie down for a nap, I'd be on the bed colouring and telling her not to go to sleep, "I'm just resting my eyes" she'd say.

I know my parents had money issues and parental things to deal with and relationship issues, but I am so blessed to have had them both in my life growing up. (and my siblings too!) I've always wanted to have a marriage like they have, to be as good a parent to my own children as they have been (are still being) to me, to all four of us- even with their imperfections and anxieties. I know I've inherited some of them myself, but I've also inherited their positive traits too. I'm lucky to have a childhood I enjoy remembering and love having had the chance to do that today- great prompt ladies!

For other Sunday Scribblings, go here and see what others are remembering.

Grateful Friday!!!

2006-06-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

Queen Charlotte Track, NZ

I find myself thinking a lot about New Zealand this week, as we were on our way home this time last year. I can't believe it's been a year...where does the time go?! So much has happened since we got back, but I can still remember how green it smelled down there, how different the scenery was from one town to the next, the feeling of grapes on the vine in my hands, Lord of the Rings mania, our van JoJo that we lived in for a month while traveling around the amazing South Island(our favorite of the two!), and so so much more. I sometimes forget where I've been, especially when I'm buried in my own daily issues, but I am so lucky to have had the chance to see the world and to have done it with someone I love. I can't wait to see where we go next!!

This week I'm grateful for:

the sun trying to push it's way through the clouds- c'mon sun!
that it's friday and the weekend already
fresh fruit- like peaches and strawberries
fruit smoothies
the library and my book treats
the chance to go shopping for some new clothes this weekend!
being hormonal- when I want to have babies, it will come in handy, right?
my sisters- one is off to Europe for the first time (work is sending her, lucky thing!) and the other is off to Colorado for rugby camp tomorrow- so proud of them both!
for such positive posts from the bloggers I read - Andrea's great news, Maggie's reflections, Susannah's revelations, and all the other wonderful ideas swirling around my blogging neighbourhood- amazing women!
our trip to the antiques flea market tomorrow
R's tools finally showing up and for the flowers he gave me to say thank you for helping him get them- too sweet!
my mom having a good week away at her conference, coming back recharged for work
my dad surviving on his own while she was away- he misses her
Kathleen sending me goofy emails to entertain me at work
dinner with Fanny and fellow brides to be
my friend Anne's birthday this week!
veggie dip- too addictive!
my flip flops feeling like little pillows on my feet today
getting my hair cut finally
walking to work most days this week

Have a good weekend everyone!

Poetry Thursday

2006-05-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

image by Liam Quin

A Book

There is no frigate like a book

To take us lands away,

Nor any coursers like a page

Of prancing poetry.

This traverse may the poorest take

Without oppress of toll;

How frugal is the chariot

That bears a human soul!
-Emily Dickinson-

This poem sums up my recent excitement with all the books I've been finding lately. Emily Dickinson is a wonderful poet in her own right, so check out more of her brilliant words. I've already mentioned loving "Julie/Julia" by Julie Powell and just don't want it to end! To think one woman came up with a project that revolved around food (one of my favorite things!) and blogged her way into the life of a published author, amazes me. It's so inspiring and helping me get through my monotonous days at work.

I also had two books come in on hold at the library for me yesterday- both made me do a little happy dance when I saw what they were! I love Frances Mayes and her books about Tuscany, so was ecstatic to find out she had a new one out, "A Year in the World". As you can probably guess, travel books are always on the top of my lists of what to read next- I can't wait to start it! The other book waiting for me was a cookbook I had heard about through the British Amazon, one of the most used as a wedding gift- "Silver Spoon". It turned out to be a huge bible-like tome full of Italian food- everything you could ever imagine is in there. I can't conceive someone actually making all of those recipes, but I am well up for reading them! Another one of my favorite things are cookbooks. Anyone else find themselves drooling over the pictures and visualizing the recipes gracing your table with friends?!!
Cookbooks and travel stories- what a treat!! What books get you excited!!?

Some of my other all time favorite reads are:

anything by Isabella Dusi (about her new life in Italy)

anything by Bill Bryson (always sure to induce laughter out loud!)

"Poisonwood Bible" and "Prodigal Summer" by Barbara Kingsolver

"The God of Small Things", by Arundhati Roy

anything by Joanne Harris (so delicious!)

"Life of Pi", by Yann Martel

anything by Dorothy Dunnet or Diana Gabaldon or Phillipa Gregory(for history buffs)

all of Jamie Oliver's cookbooks

"Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides

"My sister's keeper", by Jodi Picoult

I could go on and on and on and on....so I'll stop now. Emily Dickinson was so right- books are incredible.

Some fun stuff!

2006-05-30T14:00:00.000-07:00

Me and the sheep in NZ

I love making lists, so here's some of the things I'm loving this week:

- the idea of pre-fabricated, good for the earth houses on this site

- this great writing site from the Motherland

- these two great sites from my favorite chef, Jamie Oliver

- spending way too much of my time at work browsing the Kraft food site (did I say how much I love food and cooking?)

- this fabulous paper store at Granville Island

- and this other fabulous paper place (online or near you maybe?)

- and this place that I finally got to go to last weekend! (great tshirts and letter sets!)

- a great cause I would like to find a way to get more involved in

- looking forward to this and this here over the summer

- my love of Shakespeare and hoping to get here one day soon!

- missing this tv show, wishing it was over here somewhere!

- the summer competitive tennis season kicking off

- learning a bit more about my own country for a change

I know, I know- I have way too much time on my hands, but 8 hours a day at work needs to be filled somehow!

Went to my first bridal event last night- quite surreal really. I was with four other women getting married in the next year- our goal was more the free stuff over wedding ideas. Unfortunately, we came out with little of either. It only re-enforced for me (once again) that a traditional wedding is not the way I want to go, nor does R. We're thinking a vineyard or a beach, just the two of us, and a two big parties afterwards with our families- one here and one in England. It won't be till next year at the earliest anyways. No rush, we're quite content just as we are- we already feel married anyways!

I came home to find him doing dishes and two bunches of flowers for me on the table -what a sweetie! We cuddled up on the couch, watched the end of Forrest Gump and the amazing sunset coming through our windows, while eating fresh strawberries and grapes, and my day just slipped away. Bliss is the word that comes to mind. Sigh...just what I needed as per usual.

Sunday Scribblings - First Love

2006-05-29T14:49:00.001-07:00

I have many loves (writing, reading, chocolate, my family, food in general, getting mail, etc etc), but when I read the post, this was what came to mind.

I was 18 and thought I was in Love. He was 17, we had a summer fling that felt dramatic and alive and real- like what I thought Love was supposed to be. He knew exactly what to say to make me feel adored and special, beautiful. (The fact that he's in politics now just goes to show how good he was at convincing me!) I left in September for university, my first year. He stayed at home to finish highschool- because of this part of me stayed behind, too. He was the first boy to give me the butterflies in the stomach, to make me wonder if love really felt this good, the ache of missing someone, the excitement of a phone call, a letter. He was also the first boy to show me what betrayal, doubt, and a broken heart felt like. I fell for his words, for his apparent awe of who I was, of his attention to my family and friends, and I kept forgiving him- even when my friends were adamant that he had been with someone else and that I was too good for him. I didn't want to be alone- Love to me felt like fear, doubt, sacrifice, and shame...little did I know then that wasn't my first Love.

My first Love was/is R, the man I'm going to marry next year. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it's true. I'm a romantic and couldn't imagine giving my heart up too easily to anyone- until I met him. He intrigued me from first glance. I love him more everyday and am in awe of what Love really feels like. No fear, no doubt what so ever- just pure bliss, authenticity, honesty, passion, acceptance, and so much laughter! He's my partner in crime, in life. This is a post I wrote about him last month- it sums up everything I could say about my first (and only) Love.

On a another note, saw "Family Stone" and "DaVinci Code" over the weekend- would highly recommend both. "Family Stone" made me cry when I least expected it, and had my laughing hysterically as well- so worth seeing. A great take on families and acceptance and all that. And the "DaVinci Code" wasn't as bad as I had heard, thankfully. I'd been really looking forward to this, and it was a good watch. I can see the problems the critics had, but I still enjoyed it. Go see it!

Grateful Friday!

2006-05-26T14:21:00.000-07:00

Monkey Crossing (from Kuala Lumpur)

Felt like putting some whimsy up here, need it today. Having one of my "wishing I was somewhere else other than this office" days, so glad it's friday already. Getting out of here and into a job I enjoy is up to me and today, that feels like the worst and hardest part.

This week, I am grateful for:

having a couple good hours at work this week
playing tennis with R- love that game! (Love the man even more!)
finding some Lemon Myrtle tea
sorting out R's tools, he will get them next week finally! (long convoluted story I won't bore you with, but he's been waiting for almost two months, as they sat at the airport!!!)
making cards to send to friends all over the world
my big brother's birthday is this weekend and I got his present in the mail on time! (I hope!) Happy Birthday, J!
peaches showing up at the market
getting to go to the movies this weekend- hoping to see DaVinci Code- and dinner out after
no more dramatic season finales, too much for my emotions (although I will miss some of my shows over the summer)
reading through the seasons of "Mad About You" online and remembering how much I loved that show! (anyone else remember it?)
Eat Vancouver being on this weekend- might make it there too!
my first Cupcake (going to get them to make our wedding cake when we need one!)
walking to work every morning again this week, even though it was supposed to be too wet
Taylor winning American Idol! Soul Patrol!
my new favorite song - here's a clip
only two weeks till the World Cup starts!! so excited!
going to the library today
only two more hours till I'm off for the weekend!!!

Sigh...I feel better already. My life is so much more than a job that makes me unhappy, I'm going to remember that!

Poetry Thursday

2006-05-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

The Bridge

This bridge will only take you halfway there

To those mysterious lands you long to see

Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fairs

And moonlit woods where unicorns run free.

So come and walk awhile with me and share

the twisting trails and wondrous worlds I've known.

But this bridge will only take you halfway there -

The last few steps you'll have to take alone.

-Shel Silverstein-

I'm not sure, once again, if someone has posted this one already, but I love his work and this poem resonates with my life and my travels so strongly- I had to share it! I miss the imagination I had as a kid- without any boundaries or critics in my head telling me I'm being silly or unrealistic. Time to re-connect with that child within again.

Just a few thoughts(venting) about the big American Idol finale this week (not intending to offend anyone!!):

- I'm really glad Taylor won, he was my favorite from the beginning! I can't wait to see what sort of music they put on his first album! I did like Kat too, she was my second choice!

- I've never watched a whole season before, but was totally disappointed by the finale, with singing the same songs and knowing pretty much who was going to win, it felt like a let down; does this happen every season?

- what's with all the old artists coming on stage, shamelessly going for publicity to kick start their own most recent come backs?

- it felt a bit like a circus last night, with the cheesy awards and all the random songs and various pairings...anyone else? Could they not just have a half hour show announcing the winner?

- my biggest worry is that more people are voting for the winner of a singing/popularity contest than for their President, a person who has an influence on what's happening throughout the entire globe...is anyone else concerned? maybe they should have some sort of President-idol next time, find a new way to encourage voters to come out and have their say

Moments from my long weekend

2006-05-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

Deep Cove seen from Belcarra Park

Friday night we went out for dinner at Poncho's, an "authentic" Mexican restaurant in our neighbourhood. The food wasn't bad, but the best part was the couple who ran the place. She was singing on her guitar by the time our mains came, and had everyone singing and playing tambourines and shakers by the time we were done! It was such a great surprise and too much fun!!
Saturday we spent some time on Main Street, a place full of antique shops and retro used clothing stores. Saw some fabulous stuff, but realized I'm not quite funky enough for some of those retro fashions! We also bought tennis rackets and had a game that night- I'd forgotten how much I love playing this sport!! It does require more effort than I remember from my days as a teenager going to lessons in the summer...sigh. But it was still brilliant and a great laugh- we're definitely going to be playing a lot more! Hopefully we'll meet some other couples to play with as well.

Belcarra Park

Sunset beach near our flat

Sunday we went to Belcarra Park for a hike. After a relatively long yet easy journey on public transport (still amazed at how far you can get and with our monthly passes as well!), we arrived in a beautiful spot. It was over run with families having big picnics and children running around in the grass and on the beach, but we escaped up the trails into the hills. I love being amongst nature, where it's so quiet and alive. It was just what I needed- a re-connection.

Monday we went over to the Emily Carr Institute on Granville Island to see their graduates art exhibit- it was fantastic! Such diversity and creative originality, I was in awe. My favorite part was the animation exhibits- their work was incredible. It also looked like it a would be a great place to work...might have to look into that. Maybe even take a summer course...hmmm.

I love long weekends, such a treat. It's too bad we can't have shorter work weeks, but still get paid the same! Ah, to dream.

Sunday Scribblings...on Tuesday?!

2006-05-23T10:33:00.000-07:00

Whoa, feels like I've been gone for ages and its only been three days. So many posts to catch up on, it's great- makes my morning at work go so quickly! Going to do my Sunday Scribblings now and then do a post about my weekend later- hope that's not an overload for anyone!!

Three Wishes:

Wishes have always perplexed me- do you be terribly specific so as to leave little room for error, or do you make bold wishes like world peace and see what happens? I'd probably have two or three wish lists- one for myself (selfish wants) and one for the world and my friends and family, just to spread the luck and magic around. I can't help but think of the wishes I've had come true in my life- traveling the world, expanding my own comfort zone, seeing the world through new eyes; creating a life on my own in a foreign country, being strong and making my dreams come true; falling in love with a man who wants to see the world with me and loves me completely without condition, just as I am; finding a place we both love and want to settle down in...so many more wonderful things! Wishes to me now are more about clarifying what I truly want in my life and putting it out there- no great expectations that some other force will fix it all for me, but that I am also involved with making them come true.

Here are my three wishes for today:

I wish to let go, accept what I cannot control and trust that I can/will handle whatever happens in my life. To love myself unconditionally and completely.

I wish for a job that fulfills me, creatively and emotionally. A chance to do some good and help others discover their own potential. A job where I get to have fun as well!

I wish for more opportunities to see all of my family (all over Canada and USA and England) and friends more often. And for them to all be happy and healthy and living the lives they dream of. (just like Megg says in her wish list)

I've loved reading all the other wish lists! What a great prompt! And I think their suggestion to make a totally selfish list is a great idea as well- going to do that one in my journal.

For more Sunday Scribblings, go here. Give it a go yourself!

Grateful Friday!

2006-05-19T14:20:00.000-07:00

The grand essentials of happiness are:

something to do, something to love,

and something to hope for.

- Allan K. Chalmers -

I'm so happy it's friday and it's a long weekend!! So need some quality time in my bed. My R has been working very long days and overtime, so hopefully we can relax and enjoy the time off together. Hoping to go hiking, but we'll have to wait and see what Mother Nature brings us- why is it that we can have weeks of lovely summer sunny weather, but as soon as it's a long weekend and we have time to enjoy it, the clouds roll in?!

This week I'm grateful for:

the beautiful weather we've been having
bbq on the beach again!
a late birthday present in the mail yesterday
fresh banana blueberry muffins
my first attempt at prawns with pasta turning out well!
talking to Kathleen a lot online this week
season finales on tv
finding this great sight- I'm addicted to quotes!
reading another great book- to think she started it as a blog, wow!
getting some time this weekend to talk on the phone to people far away
The DaVinci Code coming out, despite the mixed reviews
how sweet R has been even though he's been working so hard
walking to work four times this week
the park near work where we go for lunch
our busy social agenda last weekend
some time on my own tomorrow morning while R is at work
being able to sign up for a yoga class in June!
going shopping for fun summer clothes this weekend!
how much daylight we get (5:30am till after 9pm!)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Poetry Thursday

2006-05-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

I have chosen a poem by Roald Dahl this week- he is one of my favorite children's writers and I wanted to put something playful into the Poetry Thursday mix this week!! I didn't get a chance to go on a field trip yet, but hoping to get a chance over the long weekend we have coming up. I love getting lost in the bookstore, but I've never spent any time in the poetry section before- could be very interesting!

Find my poem of the week, by Roald Dahl, here. (This site is a great source for poetry and lyrics as well)
Find more poems and inspirations here.

No Destination

2006-05-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to

be alive and express what we really are.

- Don Miguel Ruiz-

I think it has finally dawned on me, on both R and I, that this is our new life- one of being settled, of only two weeks holiday a year, of bills and rent and 8 hours of work a day (9 for him). No more big escapes to plan or upcoming adventures to focus on or backpacks to fill, guidebooks to buy, responsibility to avoid. I'm very glad we are slowing down, but have found that I've got no destination now. I'm a bit lost. I'm someone who needs goals to focus on, to keep myself motivated and inspired. I've had traveling to look forward to ever since I graduated university, so I could avoid deciding on a career track, being responsible for my finances beyond surviving, and avoid paying attention to myself and anything more than my immediate needs. It kept things quite simple, really. Now, since we've actually been at one address for 8 months (the longest I've been in any one place in 8 years!), I feel bombarded by self-doubt about my lack of direction and uncertainty about what life is all about. What is life all about? That question has been in my head a lot lately. My life now is full of routine- going to work, watching our tv shows every week, meeting friends, going for a walk in the morning, trying to decide what to eat and what to do on the weekends. It's also full of love and laughter and plans for the future and a home of our own and waking up together every morning- all of which I am extremely grateful for and so happy to have. We have plans to have children, to become home owners, to do more traveling, to see our families, to get married, to get fit, to give back, to learn new things and be active. But it all feels far away, intangible, unreal. What do I want to feel real right now? What do I need?

I know I'm going to be moving into a new job in the not too distant future- I've reached the end of my rope where I am, so have set a goal to be ready to go elsewhere as soon as R gets his health plan at work in September and I'm covered. But focusing on that scares me- I loath looking for work, mostly because it requires putting myself out there and making decisions about what I want. Why is this the hardest thing for me to do? I fear ending up in another job I don't enjoy, being bored still. There's probably a reason why I keep ending up in this position, something I'm meant to be learning. Damn life lessons! What do I want?? Does anyone else have a hard time answering that question? What is holding you back?

Sunday Scribblings

2006-05-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

This week's prompt is "the books I would write..."

This is a great idea, a wonderful brainstorming exercise for all of us who enjoy words. I never have a problem with coming up with ideas, my issue is actually with moving past the idea and putting words to it. I would write a book for children, one where they learn about the world and other cultures, without feeling like they were reading a textbook- giving them a chance to be more open minded and understanding of our differences and similarities. A chance to see what its like being a kid in another country. I would love to write a book like Nick Bantock, full of letters they could pull out and hold, postcards and journal entries- the child could then feel part of the adventure.
I would write a book encouraging others to travel the world, to see who they are on grander scale, what they can handle and accomplish outside of their comfort zone. I would write about how you can go from being a homebody who gets homesick sleeping over at her neighbour's house to traveling the entire globe. I would write a book from the perspective of an inanimate object making its way around the world (ie.backpack, journal, boots, etc), see it from a new perspective. I'd love to write a book about traveling and food, two of my favorite things. Or a book about surviving the reverse culture shock of coming home after being away for awhile in another part of the world- it's the one thing they forget to tell you about! (All this traveling must be good material for something!)
I would write a historical novel, so I could spend hours researching about a world I never lived in, making it my own despite the distance of centuries. A story of a woman surviving in a world where she isn't seen as a real person. Or a family trying to endure the hardships of living in a place like London, with little money or hope of a better life. Or a book about some of my favorite historical figures, all meeting for lunch and having a chat about life in their times, their perceptions, what is similar and different and why they think it may be. Step outside reality a bit.
I would write a book like Joanne Harris, or Audrey Niffenegger, or Barbara Kingsolver, or Michael Ondaatje, or Dorothy Dunnet, or Bill Bryson or Jodi Picoult, or Jeffrey Eugenides...I could go on and on!! They are the best escape into another world, from your own world. Books have played such a big role in my life, I could only dream of having that sort of effect on someone else through my own writing. I've already written a story for my nephew and nieces, about a farm near my parents' place where we all spent the summer together, so hopefully I can at least keep that audience happy!!
For more scribblings on book ideas, head over here!!

Grateful Friday!

2006-05-12T13:18:00.000-07:00

Lighthouse Park, West Vancouver

I love doing Grateful fridays! I find myself thinking all week about what I can put on my list. And I'm happy so many other bloggers are joining in.

Today I'm grateful for:

the beautiful sunshine and predicted good weather for the next week! could even get up to 28 degrees (celsius that is, for all you Americans!)
getting caught in a freak downpour yesterday and feeling like a little kid again, running through puddles, getting soaked
my wonderful R and how hard he works at his job, how cute he is when he's tired
hopefully going to hit some golf balls tomorrow
getting up early every morning this week and going for a lovely long walk
being awake before the buzz of the city kicks in
having some great nights' sleep
my little sis getting home and back safely from her graduation
my parents getting to spend time with her
my niece being healthy, after an abnormal blood test scared all of us
my capri pants making an appearance again!
our first bbq on the beach on our own little portable bbq; can we say addicted??
having stuff to do at work this morning- first time this month!
apples and peanut butter- yes, together
Kathleen being done school for the summer and blogging more (check her blog out!)
all the little lists I've made of books I want to read- so so many!
a busy social weekend coming up
getting to see my friend Ben from Australia, who I met when we were both living in England 6 years ago! (wow, where does the time go!!?)
getting some colour on my face again- love a tan!
pink painted toe nails
getting to have lunch with my friend Shannon, a picnic in the park
it being friday!! already?

I don't know if you've noticed, but I am so a sunshine, summer weather kind of girl. My ideal life would be living in the northern hemisphere for our summer and then going to the southern for theirs, every year- no winter! I've done it a couple times now and it was heaven! Oh well, I can dream right?!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Poetry Thursday

2006-05-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

Central Reservation

lyrics by Beth Orton

Running down to a central reservation

In last night's red dress

And I can still smell you on my fingers

And taste you on my breath

Stepping through brilliant shades

Of the color you bring

But this time, this time, this time

Is whatever I want it to mean

If this is where memories are made

I'm gonna like what I see

And everything I ever took for granted

I'm gonna let it be

I step through every shade

Of the color you bring

But this time, this time, this time

Is whatever I want it to mean

And everything and nothing is

As sacred as we want it to be

When it's real

Make it real

Compared to what?

It's like living in the middle of the ocean

With no future, no past

And everything that's good about now

Might just glide right past

I'm stepping through brilliant shades

Of the color you bring

But this time, this time, this time

Is fine just as it is

And everything is sacred here,

And nothing is as sacred as I want it to be

When it's real

Compared to what?

Today I'm submitting the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. Music is my favorite form of poetry- I love when a song reaches out and grabs my attention with lines like in this one :And I can still smell you on my fingers and taste you on my breath. This particular song holds meaning as I discovered it and its artist while living in the UK the first time- a time when I was also discovering the world and myself, who I was and wanted to be. I absorbed the line "this time is whatever I want it to be" and still hold it dear to my life, to my path. It's up to me to create a life I'm happy with, feel fulfilled by, get excited about- not someone else. Too often, I wait for it to fall into my lap, the "Solution", but I'm tired of waiting- it's time to get up and do something. I always say life has a way of working out for me, but what I forget is that I often am open to the possibilities, and ready for them- even if I don't know what they are before hand...does that make sense??

For other poetic inspirations, head to Poetry Thursday.

ps- have another blog format question/query: why can't I get the spaces between paragraphs (or sections of a poem) to stay in the final draft? any ideas??

thought for today...

2006-05-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest

fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small

doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other

people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson-

Just something to think about today- a quote I had when I was in highschool and have rediscovered on someone's blog (I can't remember which one!). It is so simple yet so brilliant. I'm not very religious, but I think her words hit the mark big time. I have often played myself small to be safe, to not rock the boat, to keep a boyfriend or friend happy- but I have chosen to no more. It's time to shine.

side note- I wanted to thank Jennifer for helping me figure out how to do blog buttons! Thank you!!

Sunday (on Monday) Scribblings

2006-05-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

my little bare feet (size 6)

This week's prompt My Shoes and what a 10 minute free flow exercise inspired:

I love my feet- they are one of my favorite body parts. I love summer and being able to wear flip flops and sandals for months at a time. Shoes has always been a sticky point for me- I have small, narrow feet and finding shoes to fit properly and be comfortable in has been hard. I remember being little and my Nana guilting me into these ugly brown things because the shop man said they were right for my foot shape- I only wore them while she was visiting, I think!

The one thing I've learned over and over is how important comfortable shoes really are. Sure, I love to look as stylish as the next girl, but after numerous blisters and painful days walking miles in bad shoes, I know now that for me- comfort is queen. Getting lost in Rome and getting caught in new sandals that left scars. Hiking through the Tongariro in fairly new boots and paying for it in my toe for months afterwards. Luckily, styles have caught up with me for now and Mary Janes, or other flat rounded fun shoes, plus flip flops, and sneakers you can wear to the office are the in thing! I can't wear high heels because I have weak ankles from too many sports injuries and fear falling over. (Something I have actually done, even without high heels on!) I am going to be barefoot or in flip flops when I get married. I'd live in flip flops if I didn't think my feet might freeze off in the winter. Shoes for me are always an after-thought, I've never had many pairs in my closet (or backpack) at a time, but I still love to watch people's feet go by and see what they have on. I'm amazed at some of the things they stuff their feet into! It's a new kind of foot binding, but equally oppressive, or maybe not. I'm also in awe of how women can balance themselves in high heels- how do you learn how? I stick to the comfy and casual look, so I don't know how it feels to walk down the street in stilettos. Give me Birks anyday!

I love how the list of participants for Sunday Scribblings just keeps getting longer and longer every week. Go check it out!

Grateful Friday!

2006-05-05T13:40:00.000-07:00

Can't believe it's friday again already, thank goodness!! Have had a beautiful week full of sun and nights on the beach after work, bbqs and friends and sunsets and forgetting our troubles. Brilliant! So what I needed.
Check out this site- he was on our national morning show, so had an overload of visitors! It's definitely worth a good giggle!

Today I am grateful for:

the sunshine!
that it's friday again!
getting up early to go walking twice this week
a surprise breakfast with R this morning, full of giggles and miming (don't ask! he's too funny!!)
the warm temperatures and thoughts of summer
my little sis getting home safe for her graduation from uni- where does the time go!?
for this amazing book by Joanne Harris - read her if you haven't! I couldn't put it down!
flip flops and capris
good movies starting to come out again- I hope anyways
for decaf soy lattes- a re-discovery
my boss being in meetings all week
the water delivery guys ending their strike and no more horrible tap water!(I know, I'm a wimp!)
my mom getting over her flu
new blogs I'm discovering!
lunch in the park
our first bbq on the beach this year! the first on many I'm sure.
a couple good night's sleep in a row
the beautiful month of May
wonderful cold Corona with lime with the sun on my face
my birthday flowers lasting a whole week and still looking amazing!
my time before work this morning, sitting in a cafe writing in my journal- I needed that
my life here, our life here
a nice quiet weekend ahead - giving myself permission to be lazy!

Have a good one everyone!

Poetry Thursday

2006-05-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

I chose this poem today because to me it epitomizes what poetry is about- painting a picture so vivid that you can almost hold it in your hands. I'm always amazed at how people do that with words. Check out the Sixteen Rivers Press, a shared-work, non-profit poetry collective in San Francisco, which my aunt is a founder and memebr of.

Poetry has always been a bit confusing to me, a bit "beyond" me- or so I thought- but Poetry Thursdays is helping me get past that and see it as the magic that it truly can be. Thanks Liz and Lynn! Check out their new Poetry Thursday Blog- its brilliant!

View from the Headland: Hare Creek Beach, Mendocino

By Lynn Lyman Trombetta

Except for the gulls, which lift

in languid curves from the sand

and swing back down,

they are the only ones on the beach,

this teenage couple

cutting their afternoon classes.

She is ten feet ahead of him, her shoes

already off, thrown down. Her long skirt

gathered up to her thighs as she enters the sea.

Enters it, as if it had called her,

her white legs flashing in the sun.

And he runs to catch up, puts his hands

on her shoulders and drives her

through the surf. He's smitten and loopy.

He veers off, flapping, circles back

like a gull, lassoes her around the neck

with his arms, around the waist, twirling himself

around and around the long stem of her body,

pulling and pulling her to him.

And she doesn't object, she leans right in

as they stagger like drunks

to a warm pocket of sand and fall in.

Do they know they are this beautiful?

His goofy, tender urgency. Her calm

regard and disregard of him as she sits

staring out at the waves, her hand shading

her eyes. As he kneels now, before her,

trying to be the only object on her horizon.

When they kiss, when their faces rise

to the kiss, I have to look away, though

the sea is still rolling, the gulls still crying.

Though the day, it seems should screech

to a halt, all its bright engines jumping their tracks,

this moment held out, separate from time.

But the waves are still blue, the waves

are still pulling and pulling at the sand,

they touch and touch again. The sun is shining,

and he's coming back to her for more, more kisses,

leaning over her for more, more of the same.

An introduction

2006-05-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of everyone's wonderful introductions through Self Portrait Tuesdays, I thought I'd join in! Spilling the beans, as Susannah puts it! Here are 10 beans about me:

1. I grew up on the campus of a small private school where my dad has now been teaching for over 35 years. I loved having so much at my disposal- soccer fields galore, a tennis court, trees to climb, and a whole 'playground' to ride our bikes around when the kids went home for the summer! I also went to school there for highschool and spent a year working there as a houseparent.

2. The first time I tried to shave my legs (having had no direction!) I pushed too hard and cut myself all up my shin bone- I still have a bunch of little scars. Now I'm an expert and very careful.

3. I absolutely LOVE getting letters in the mail- it's one of my favorite things. Someone taking the time to sit down and write to me means so much and it means I can do the same in return- writing letters is one of my other favorite things!

4. I have kept a journal for half of my life (15 years), almost daily. When I came back from my two years living and traveling around the UK, I had 9 journals to help me remember everything. I hope to keep them in a fire safe box one day, keep them for my children and grandchildren to read.

5. I'm an anxious person - not in my day to day activities- but I spend enormous amounts of time worrying about things I have absolutely no control over. The rest of the time I spend trying not to worry! I'm learning to let go and accept things, so this is helping. Imagine what I will be able to do with all that time!

6. I have never really gotten angry at someone in my entire life. Probably not a good thing, but I was scared when people got mad at me so I never wanted to make someone else feel that way. I avoid confrontation as much as possible, but am also a good communicator so that eliminates a lot of the reasons to be angry. Or at least I find. I did once yell at my brother to stop bugging me, it scared the shit out of him!

7. I didn't enjoy at least 90% of my four years at university. The school was too small, but I wasn't ready to be in a big city. I was trying too hard to be someone else, so didn't make any lasting friendships. And I was always thinking about how I was going to pay off my students loans when I was done with a History degree. I do love to learn, but it was a bad experience all around, a hard time for my sense of self- one I've learned a lot from, though!

8. I love to cook and bake, read and try new recipes. I have dreams of a huge kitchen in our house one day, room to run wild! Be as messy as I'd like! Cooking with our kids, having big dinner parties with our friends. I do love food!

9. I had a very active childhood, spent most of my time outdoors running around and using my big imagination. As a result, I also have a big thick file of xrays at the hospital at home! Being an athlete and also a bit clumsy makes for a pretty interesting combination- two broken wrists (not at the same time!), two bad ankles, numerous fingers, I could go on and on!

10. I'm still in love with the magic of going to see a movie in a theatre. I love finding small old fashioned cinemas, or new funky places to experience the wonder of a movie. We used to treat ourselves to La Premier seats every once in awhile in Australia- still wondering why they don't have that here! Wishing there were more good movies out these days as well- anyone else find the pickings a bit slim lately??

and a bonus bean- I don't seem to give into trends very often- no Doc Martins for me, no Lululemon obsession, no addiction to reality shows (although I do watch a couple), no little dog in a bag, and I'm not really sure why.

Weekend Away!

2006-05-01T15:43:00.000-07:00

Our beach walk view. We went all the way out to the tip of the land you can see at the end.

R and I got away this weekend, took of up the Sunshine Coast to Gibsons for some serious r+r and quiet away from the big city. It was divine! Just what we needed. We splurged and stayed at a B&B, instead of our usual hostel, and lucked into a lovely place run by two wonderful people- check it out here. Kathi was delightful and took such good care of us- we joked that we'd love to be adopted by them, our new West coast parents! It made us think about having our own B&B one day, maybe once our non-existent kids grow up. This picture is of a famous place in Canadian television, home of The Beachcombers, the longest running tv show in our history! (I think!)

We walked and talked and just enjoyed being together somewhere new. Nothing too fussy, nothing too busy, just easy. Wine on the deck watching the light filter through the trees, cuddling up in bed for hours in the morning and watching the rain outside, a big walk along a rocky beach in the beautiful sunshine. (Yes, we had both!)

A Big tree outside our room- I loved the colour of the bark.

We were ready to come home, but could've stayed for a lot longer too! We have decided that our next holiday weekend will be spent somewhere away from the water, we're starting to get too used to it! We're thinking the wine country in the Okanawgan or maybe somewhere in the mountains of the interior...who knows! So much to choose from! Too bad we have to work at all!!

Sunday Scribblings

2006-05-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

Why I live where I live.... Vancouver, British Columbia (sorry only one pic, something wrong with the blogger site!)

I grew up in a small town (pop. 3000) on the east coast of Canada, living a simple and content life, but always wondering what else was out there. What else the world had to offer. When I graduated university, I took off for the UK and my life changed completely. The world became smaller and even bigger all at the same time, but all I knew was that small town Nova Scotia wasn't going to cut it for me anymore. I spent the next 8 years traveling and living around the world, in big cities like Edinburgh, San Francicso, Sydney and Wellington. But also experiencing small town life in different places, from Blenheim in New Zealand, to York and Oxford and Wimbush in England. Home was where I laid my head for many many years. It was no longer where I came from, but where I was, in the moment, and I loved it! Even so, I always felt like I was searching for something, but I didn't know if it was for a home or simply for myself- the authentic M.

When I met R in Australia, everything changed- life seemed brighter, more alive than I had ever known before. I was Home for the first time in a long time - and it had nothing to do with a physical location. Neither of us felt like where we came from was "home" anymore- home was with each other, where ever that might be. We enjoyed traveling the world and even living in some fantastic places (Melbourne is one of our favorite cities!!), but settling down was a difficult decision to make. With our different nationalities, being in the same country was hard enough, let alone deciding which location to make our homebase.

After our time in New Zealand was up, we were both ready to stop traveling for awhile and put down some roots. We've always been settled with each other, but now we were ready to have an address and some stability in our day to day life for a change. We chose to move to Canada simply because he is a cabinetmaker and having a trade meant it would be easier to get a work permit- much easier than me trying to in England! Neither of us like winter- the cold, icy, dark chill that sucks up four or five months of every year, so we knew being in Nova Scotia or anywhere out east wasn't an option. (I'm very un-Canadian in that way- winter has never been my friend. I don't really like hockey either!) We decided on Vancouver...we'd heard it was beautiful and there was lots of work around, and the lifestyle was healthy and the weather sounded like our style. So we packed up and moved out here last September - no place to live, no jobs, just us and two backpacks and a dream!

This was the best decision we could've made for ourselves! On the first day here, we went to the beach near where we were staying and I was in awe of the beauty, of the incredible fresh air and having so much nature around us. I couldn't understand why everyone wasn't living here! Why would you want to be anywhere else?!! And this was on our first day. This place is heaven- beaches down the hill from our house. Stanley Park down the street, full of acres of trees and walking trails and fresh air amongst the city pollution. A 10km+ sea wall all around the park and False Creek and beyond. Mountains across the bridge that surprise me daily with their beauty and wonder. Neighbourhoods well established all over the city, giving you a sense of community that I've rarely found in a city. Amazing architecture and growth all around us. An incredibly mixed population of peoples from all over the world- some days we don't even feel like we're in Canada, we're the only ones speaking English! Wonderful markets and a strong artistic community. Everything feels very accessible (except maybe the real estate!), and we've been lucky to meet some wonderful people as well. We were lucky to have met a couple in NZ who live here and they have been amazing, helping us meet their friends and find great things to see and do. It's everything we were hoping to find in a home, in a place to live, a place to start a family and a life together. Even the 38 days of straight rain in January didn't scare us off. The constant green and beautiful sunny days compensate for the wet weather.

We both found jobs in the first week, fell in love with the second flat we saw, and have already started to talk about our future being in this place. We will still travel the world and spend time exploring all around us, but having a place that we can come back to and be in love with is such a treat. I am so lucky in so many ways, but this just tops the cake! I've taken a long, twisted, and sometimes bumpy road to get here, but wouldn't change a thing. Everything has happened as it was meant to and I am so grateful we took the chance and came here. And we love showing it off, so let me know if you're coming to town!!!

Grateful Friday!

2006-04-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my two beautiful Nieces, Kayleigh and Lena!! The love the Incredibles, so this is for them!! They turn 5 today, it's too scary how fast time flies. I love hearing their little voices on the other end of the phone, and their giggles. I was so lucky to spend 6 weeks with them all last summer and am really missing them today. Still hard to believe my big brother, who used to torment me and was so annoying sometimes helped bring these two gems into the world! (I'd post a pic, but they aren't my kids, so not sure how their parents' would feel. So wish I could!! They are adorable!)

Today I am grateful for so many things:

the beautiful sunshine
my amazing nieces!
my whole family!
my friends in Vancouver- thanks for a great birthday party!!
Kathleen- love how she makes me laugh and believes in me (thanks K!) check out her blog
turning 30- it already feels great
going away after work for the weekend tonight with R (cannot wait!!)- two days out of the city, by the sea, with my man, how wonderful is that!?!
my tulips from Silvina, my friend at work, sitting on my desk
reading blogs that inspire me and make me laugh
my friend Kara sending me a beautiful sun catcher
my new shoes- so fun!
that my blisters are finally getting better and I am walking like a normal person again (you never realize how important your feet are until they hurt!)
my R and how thoughtful he is
my package of paper from Kim to help me start art journaling
reading this amazing book- I love her writing, read it if you haven't!
buying myself this book and having two strangers tell me how funny it is as I walked down the street carrying it- can't wait to start it!
all the exclamation points in this list!
the water delivery guys ending their strike, no more copper-tasting tap water
that the sun is coming up so early, making it easier for R to get up to go to work
all the wonderful blossoms around the city- on the trees and in piles on the ground, little mounds of pink beauty!
that we're having wine and birthday cake at work today - three other people had a birthday this week too!
that it's pay day
going down to the beach after work- finally able to take advantage of where we live!
having a great visit with my sister's husband on the weekend and being able to show off our city in the sunshine- he's totally hooked!
getting some great ideas from my sisterhood for what to do while I'm at work, help me get through the days better

Have a great weekend everyone! Thanks for all your help!

Poetry Thursday & a request

2006-04-27T15:28:00.000-07:00

birthday flowers from R!!

Mindful

Every day

I see or hear

something

that more or less

kills me

with delight,

that leaves me

like a needle

in the haystack

of light.

It was what I was born for -

to look, to listen,

to lose myself

inside this soft world -

to instruct myself

over and over

in joy,

and acclamation.

Nor am I talking

about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,

the very extravagant -

but of the ordinary,

the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.

Oh, good scholar,

I say to myself,

how can you help

but grow wise

with such teachings

as these -

the untrimmable light

of the world,

the ocean's shine,

the prayers that are made

out of grass?

Mary Oliver

Once again, I'm not sure if anyone has posted this one, but I am falling hard for her work and this one felt good today. I can see why so many of you are a fan of hers!

I had a brilliant birthday yesterday, wishing it was my birthday everyday now! I got home from work to messages on the phone from my family, and got to speak with all of them as well before we went out for dinner. R brought me those beautiful flowers above, how lucky am I?!! They smell gorgeous too. Dinner was so fun, so great to see our friends altogether. I was feeling great about my life, our life, when I went to bed last night- we have great friends, live in a beautiful city, and have each other...isn't that what its all about??

I'm bored at work, once again, and would rather be somewhere else today. I'm just wondering, if you had 7-8 hours a day, sitting at a desk, with a computer at your disposal, to pretty much do whatever you want (within reason of course!), what would you do? I fear I'm wasting my life, that there must be something I could be doing to better use this time. A way to have the paycheck and health plan of my regular "good enough" job, but be doing something more with my life at the same time. Or am I expecting too much and should go find another job that at least keeps me busy, even if its not doing something I love? Any ideas or suggestions would be much appreciated- like your favorite websites, or things I can learn while I sit here. I'm just at a loss after surviving this job for the past 8 months. I'm very grateful to have it, to have a pay check and the stability of a schedule and whatnot, but I need a change and I need one soon!!

I keep thinking I could be writing, it's the perfect situation to, but seem to have noticed a trend...I love collecting writing exercises and reading about writing, but I never do any of the actual writing- what is that? I go to, but freeze up, get critical, and end up just writing in my journal about myself or my life. I want to get out of my own head for a change. I don't know if I think about being a writer because I enjoy it or because it's what people said I'd be good at or "should" do; I can't hear my own voice in there anymore. How do I find it again?

Or maybe I'll just find a way to be an art teacher or work with kids in a creative way. Always thinking of new ideas and possibilities, maybe it's time to stop thinking and start acting. Why does that scare me so much??

Birthday Reflections

2006-04-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's here, my 30th birthday! I am a big fan of birthdays, love celebrating them and sharing them with others. I don't want to end up trying to hide them as I get older- I think it's one day a year when you get to be completely selfish and celebrated!! Anyone else agree or disagree?? I thought I'd take a minute to reflect on what my birthday has been and is to me.

I share my birthday with:
my aunt Susie (that's us in the pic above! couldn't find a better person to share the day with!)
Carol Burnett
Jet Li
JJ Audubon (the bird guy)

This day in history was the Chernobyl Disaster in 1986. (not a good one)

My horoscope for this year can be found here.

A few birthday memories:

When I was really little, I used to tell everyone it was my birthday and ask where my present was. One woman (who worked with my dad) actually went out and bought me something because she felt guilty!

We used to have our birthday parties in the big dining room on the floor on a bed sheet, like a picnic.

My 6th birthday was a disaster! I invited my whole class over and I ended up in tears several times. I think I even hit my friend in the head with a lawn dart! And those boys- they were almost as competitive as me! I couldn't leave anyone out, so there was over 20 of us.

My 12th birthday was brilliant- pizza party with my girls. We ate delicious cheesecake and it ended up all over the table and our faces from laughing so hard.

My 23rd birthday was my first overseas, in York, England. I was living with a great group of friends and we celebrated it for three days. Pot luck and presents, night out dancing, and a picnic in the park. It was divine! I had never had so much attention and I loved it!

My 27th birthday was my first I celebrated with R. We were in Melbourne, and I ended up in tears at the table. I was so scared that I was wasting my life by not feeling like I'd accomplished anything so far and so happy that we had found each other at the same time. I couldn't stop crying for hours!

30 is going to be a breeze! I'm happy to be out of my tumultuous 20s and into a new decade, a new perspective. I have no regrets about how I've lived my life till now- I've seen the world, graduated from uni, made incredible friends all over the place, found and fallen in love with an amazing, wonderful man, and we're settling down into a life of our own in a beautiful place. I am going to continue to become more creative and explore where that takes me. I'm going to become more active and take good care of my body and my mind. I'm going to continue to my search for work I enjoy. I'm going to ask for what I want sometimes, as well as for what I need. I'm going to continue to learn how to let go, to accept what I cannot change, and to love myself more everyday. I hope my thirties will be filled with children (ours I hope!) and travels and a new home one day, maybe even some visitors from overseas, a relationship that becomes a marriage and continues to amaze me daily, and a strong sense of self and unconditional love for myself. (Not asking a lot am I!!)

Our landlady (and friend) and her son (he's 8) made me chocolate cupcakes as a present- too cute!!

Running for myself

2006-04-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it- the 10km Vancouver Sun Run!! I actually ran 8.5km of the 10km and it felt great! I didn't expect to do nearly that much and was so proud of myself. I'm hobbling around today with blisters and sore muscles, but they feel like well earned war wounds. It was a gorgeous sunny day, R and I were joined by 50, 000 of our closest friends for a jog around our beautiful city. The official start was at 9am, but because of the amount of people, we didn't even cross the start line until 10:10am!! Plenty of runners had finished before we even started. We don't know our times yet, but I think I did it in under 90 minutes. I was absolutely amazed and in awe of the number of people, and from how many different walks of life they came from. What a treat to be a part of something like that! It was my birthday present to myself- to give my body a goal and an achievement, to show that I could commit to something, and to just laugh in the face of the big 3-0! I could've trained more, I could've worked harder, but I did what I did and I'm proud of myself. Well done!

We didn't even have time to shower or change before we had to head to the airport to meet my brother-in-law, who was here for a layover on his way to Taiwan. He changed his flight to spend some time with us and in Vancouver. I was nervous, having never really spent much time alone with him before, but it turned out to be a pleasant surprise all around! With my blisters, we were a bit limited in our activities, but we got to show off our home and walked along the beach and had a beer out on a patio on Granville island, watching all the boats and kayaks float by. It was gorgeous! He took us out for dinner to a great restaurant around the corner from our flat, wonderful food, lovely company, and a view to soak up. We could watch the sun setting over the ocean right from our table. R and I expected to be a write off after doing the run, but it all worked out splendidly! And I totally see why my little sis is so happy- he's a sweetie!

Haven't had time to do my Sunday Scribblings yet, hope to get to it soon, but I love how so many posts refer to the movie Chocolat in some way- how amazing is that film!!? One of my favorites for sure.